Book on the
Etiquette of Marriage
Being the Second Book of the
Section
on Customs in the Book
The Revival of
the Religious Sciences
By
ABU HAMID AL-GHAZALI
TRANSLATED BY
MADELAIN FARAH
al-Ghazali's Introduction
IN THE NAME OF GOD, THE
MERCIFUL AND COMPASSIONATE
Praise be to God the marvels of Whose creation are not
subject to the arrows of accident, for minds do not reflect on the beginnings
of such wonders except in awe and bewilderment, and the favor of Whose graces
continue to be bestowed upon all creatures, for they [graces] come in
succession upon them [creatures] whether or not they [creatures] wish to
receive them [graces]. One of His marvelous favors is creating human beings out
of water [Quran 21:30],' causing
them to be related by lineage and marriage, and subjecting creatures to desire
through which He drove them to tillage (hirathah)2 and thereby forcibly preserved their
descendants. Then He glorified the matter of lineage, ascribed to it great
importance, forbade on its account illegitimacy and strongly denounced it
through restrictions and reprimands, making the commission thereof an
outlandish crime and a serious matter, and encouraging marriage through desire
and command.
Glory be to Him who decreed death to His creatures and humbled them thereby through destruction and annihilation, then placed seeds' in the soil of the wombs and raised there from creatures, forcibly to defeat death, calling attention to the fact that the seas of Providence flood the worlds with benefit as well as harm, prosperity as well as evil, difficulty as well as facility, and concealment as well as revelation. Prayer and peace be upon Muhammad who was sent with warning and good tidings, and upon his household and his companions-prayer that knows neither bounds nor confinement, and may He grant him much peace.
Accordingly, marriage is an
aid in [the fulfillment of] religion, an insult to devils, a strong fortress
against the enemy of God, and a cause of increase through which the master of
prophets outshines the rest of the prophets. How worthy it is, therefore,
that its causes be examined and its sunna and etiquette be learned, its aims
and ends be explained, and its chapters and sections be clearly specified.
The major guidelines in the Book on the Etiquette of Marriage may be revealed in three
chapters: The first chapter deals with the advantages and disadvantages of
marriage; the second chapter deals with the etiquette to be observed in the
marriage contract and between the two contracting parties; and the third
chapter deals with the etiquette of cohabitation after marriage and until
dissolution.
CHAPTER ONE
Advantages and
Disadvantages of Marriage
GENERAL BACKGROUND
Be it known that the ulema' have disagreed over the
virtue of marriage: Some stressed it to the point of claiming that it is
preferable to seclusion for the worship of God. Others have admitted its virtue
but subordinated it to seclusion for the worship of God, regardless of how
much the soul yearns for marriage to a degree that disturbs one's state [of
mind] and causes him to succumb to temptation. Others have said: It is
preferable to abstain from marriage in this our age; but formerly it was a
preferable virtue whereby the means of earning a livelihood was not illicit and
the character of women was not censurable.' The truth about it cannot be
revealed except by first presenting what has been transmitted in the akhbar3 and the dthar' regarding encouragement and discouragement of marriage, and by explaining
its benefits and shortcomings, thereby elucidating the virtues or disadvantages
of marriage as pertains to everyone who has or has not been spared its
calamities.
[Quranic Verses on Marriage]
Among the Quranic verses:
God has said, And marry such of you [24:32]; this is a command. He also said,
Place not difficulties in the way of their marrying their husbands [2:232].5
This prevented abstinence and enjoined against it. God has said in describing
and praising messengers: And, indeed, We sent Messengers before thee, and We
gave them wives and children [13:38 ('Ali)]. Thus he said this in the context
of praise and in pointing out excellence. He also praised his saints for
requesting it in supplication saying: And those who say, `Our Lord, grant us
of our wives and children the delight of our eyes, and make us a model for the
righteous. It is said of the prophets that God has not mentioned in His book
any but those who have families. Thus it was said that [St.] John married but
did not cohabit. It is said that he did that to gain virtue and honor, thereby
upholding the sunna. Others said that it was to avert the eye. As for Jesus,*
he will marry should he come down to earth and will have children.
[Traditions of the
Prophet]
As for the akhbar, we have his [the Prophet's] sayings: Marriage is of my sunna; whoever
refrains from my sunna refrains from me; and he* also said: Marriage is of my
sunna; whoever likes my fitrah (natural disposition),' let
him follow my sunna.8
He* also said: Marry and multiply for I will boast
about you over other nations on the day of resurrection, even about the least
among you.9
And he* also said, Whoever
refrains from my sunna, he is not of me, and marriage is part of my sunna;
whoever loves me, let him follow my sunna.10
And he* also said, Whoever
refrains from getting married for fear of having a family, is not of us. This
is perhaps a reprimand [directed] against abstinence and not a reason for
abstinence.
He* also said, Whoever has
the means, let him get married,12 for it will avert the eyes and
assure more relief and virtuousness; and who does not, let him fast for
fasting to him is [a form of] castration (wija').14 This indicates that the
reason for the encouragement of marriage is fear that the eye might become
corrupted, as well as relief. W ija' is
a form of castration of the male [organs] so that his manhood is removed; it
[the term] is used metaphorically for sexual impotence during the fast.
And he* also said, If someone whose religion and
trustworthiness you approve should come to you, then get him married;
if you do not, you will cause discord on earth and
great corruption. This also explains encouragement [to marry] out of fear of
corruption.
He* also said, Whoever
marries or gives in marriage, for the sake of God, deserves the friendship (wilaya)18 of God.19 And
he* also said, Whoever marries safeguards half of his faith; let him fear God
for the second half. This is also an indication that its virtue is in
safeguarding against disobedience, and fortifying against corruption. For the
corrupting factor in a man's religion lies for the most part both in his sexual
organs (farj)21 and stomach;22 he
can satisfy one of them by marriage.
He* also said, All acts by
the son of Adam shall cease except the third: a righteous son making invocation
for him, etc.23 He cannot attain this except through marriage.
As for the athar, 'Umar24 has said, Nothing should prevent marriage except
incapacity or adultery (fujur).25 He
thus asserted that religion does not prohibit marriage, and he limited its
prevention to two disparate factors.
[Traditions of the
Companions]
Ibn 'Abbas*26
said, The asceticism of an ascetic is not complete until he marries. It is
possible that he considered marriage an act of devotion which renders asceticism
perfect; but it seems that he meant to say thereby that the heart would not be
safe from being overcome by desire except through marriage, and that asceticism
is not perfect without emptying (faragh)27 the
heart [of all preoccupations]. For that reason he would gather his young
bondsmen (ghilman), 'Akramah and Kurayb28 and others
reaching adulthood, and would say, If you wish to get married, I will get you
married; for when a slave commits adultery, he removes faith from his heart.
Ibn Masud* used to say,
Were there but ten days left of my life, I would be inclined to get married so
as not to meet God a celibate.
Two of Mu'adh
Ibn Jabal's*30 wives died from the plague, and he, too, was
afflicted with the plague; so he said, Get me married, for I would not like to
meet God a celibate. And this coming from both of them indicates that they
considered marriage a virtue rather than a defense against the excessiveness of
desire.
'Umar* used to marry frequently and would say, I
only marry for the sake of having offspring.
One31 of the
companions attached himself to the Messenger* of God serving him and staying
with him in case he needed to have something done; so the Prophet* said to him,
Won't you get married? He answered, 0 Messenger of God, I am a poor man
possessing nothing and would be compelled to abandon your service. The
Prophet said nothing, then repeated [the question], and he [the companion]
repeated the answer. Then the companion reflected and said, By God, the
Messenger* of God knows better than I what is best for me in my earthly life
and in my hereafter and what draws me near to God, and if he should tell me a
third time, I will do it. and he [the Prophet] told him a third time: Won't
you get married? The companion said: 0 Messenger of God, get me married. He
[the Prophet] said, Go to such a family32 and say that the
Messenger* of God commands you to give your daughter in marriage to me. He
[the companion] said, 0 Messenger* of God I have nothing. So he [the Prophet]
said to his companions, Gather for your brother the weight of a date-pit in
gold, and they did. Thus they took him to those people and got him married; so
he said to [them], Make a feast; and they obtained for him from the
companions a ewe for the feast.33 This repetition indicates a
virtue in marriage itself. It is possible that he [the Prophet] recognized in
him [the companion] a need for marriage.
[Later Transmittals]
It has been
related that a certain devotee in olden times excelled his contemporaries in devotion.
The goodness of his devotion was brought up to the Prophet of his time. His reply was, It is so, although he
had forsaken somewhat the tradition [of worship]. It grieved the worshiper to
hear that, so he asked the Prophet about it, and the Prophet said, Have you
forsaken marriage? And he said, I don't consider it forbidden, but I am poor
and a burden to people.34 The Prophet said, I will give you my
daughter in marriage, and he* gave him his daughter in marriage.
Bishr b. al-Harith35
said, Ahmad b. Hanbal36 was preferred over me on three accounts: for seeking
what is lawful for himself and others, while I seek it for myself only; for his
ability to get married in contrast to my inability; and for being appointed an
imam for the common people.
It is said that Ahmad*
married the second day following the death of the mother of his son, CAbdullah,
and said, I detest spending the night as a celibate. As for Bishr, when it
was said to him, People have been talking about you because you have refrained
from marriage, saying, `He has forsaken the sunna,, he replied,
Tell them that religious duties preoccupy him, leaving no time for the
sunna. He was blamed on another occasion, so he replied, Nothing keeps me
from marrying except the words of the Almighty [Quran 2:228 ('Ali)]: 'And they (the women)
have rights similar to those (of men) over them in equity.' That was mentioned
to Ahmad, who declared, And where is the like of Bishr? His position is
likened unto the point
of
a spearhead (haad al-sinan).37
In spite of that, it has
been related that he was seen in a dream and was asked, What has God done to
you? He replied, My stages (manazili) in Paradise have been
elevated and I was placed close to the stations (maqamat)38 of
the prophets in rank, but I have not attained the stages of those with
families. And in one account he told me, I would not have wanted you to
encounter me as a celibate; so we asked him, What did Abu Nasr al-Tammar
do? He said, He was placed seventy steps (darajah) above me. We asked, For
what reason? We used to see you above him. He replied, Because of his
patience with his daughters and dependents.
Sufyan b. Ayyinah said,
Having numerous wives is not [indicative of love] of the world because Ali* was the most ascetic of the
companions of the Prophet* and yet he had four wives and seventeen concubines.
Thus marriage is an ancient sunna and one of the traits of the prophets.
A man said to Ibrahim b.
Adham,*40 Blessed art thou, for thou hast dedicated thyself to
worship through celibacy. He replied, Indeed your concern for dependents is
preferable to all that which I now enjoy. He [the man] replied, And what
prevents you from marriage? He said, I have no need for a woman. I do not
wish to misrepresent myself to a woman.
It has been
said, A married man is preferred over the celibate in the same way that the mujahid42 is preferred over the
non-mujahid; and one bow (rakcah)43 [in
worship] of the married man is preferable to seventy bows of one who is
celibate.
[Sufi Views on Marriage/
As for what has been related
concerning the disadvantages of marriage, the Prophet* said, The best of all
people outside the two hundred44 is a man light of back who has
neither wife nor child.45 The Prophet* also said, There will come
a time upon people when a man's destruction shall be at the hands of his wife,
his parents, and his children; they shall taunt him for poverty and demand of
him beyond his means. He will enter paths wherein he will lose his religion and
perish.
And there is a khabar, according to which, One of the two sources of comfortable living is
having fewer children, while one of the two sources of poverty is having many
of them.47
Abu Sulayman
al-Darani48 was asked about marriage, and he said, To abstain is
better than to endure them [women], and to endure them is better than to suffer
hellfire. He also said, The single man will find in the pleasures of work and
in the emptiness (faragh) of the heart that which the
family man cannot find. He once said, I have not seen any of our companions
who married and was able to retain firmly his first rank (martabah).49 He
also said, He who seeks the following three is inclined toward the world: he
who seeks a living, or who marries a woman, or who transcribes a hadith.50
Hasan* [al-Basri] has said, When God wishes
the servant well, he does not preoccupy him with a family or with possessions.
Ibn Abu al-Hawwari51 once said, A group exchanged views over this
hadith and came to the conclusion that it did not mean that a man [in this
case] could not have both, but that he could have both and they would not
preoccupy him. This is a reference to the saying of Abu Sulayman al-Darani,
Whatever diverts you from God-whether wife, possession, or children -is a
curse upon you.
In general, none
has been quoted as discouraging marriage unconditionally. As for encouragement
to marriage, it has been related both unconditionally and conditionally. Let
us, therefore, remove the veil from this subject by delineating the advantages
and disadvantages thereof.
[ADVANTAGES OF MARRIAGE]
There are five
advantages to marriage: procreation, satisfying sexual desire, ordering the
household, providing companionship, and disciplining the self in striving to
sustain them.
[Procreation]
The first
advantage-that is, procreation-is the prime cause, and on its account marriage
was instituted. The aim is to sustain lineage so that the world would not want
for humankind. As for sexual desire, it was created as an ingrained urge: like
an overseer unto the male. In the male it is, as it were, an overseer to
produce the sperm; in the female it serves to facilitate cultivations so as to
produce children out of coitus. It is like luring the bird by spreading about
the seed which it likes in order to lead it to the net.
The eternal
powers of the Almighty were not incapable of creating beings from the beginning
without tilling (hirathah) or coupling. But wisdom
decreed the ordering of causes and effects together with the lack of need to
demonstrate the power of God to complete the wonders of creation and to fulfill
what the Divine Will decreed beforehand; thereby the Word was fulfilled as
decreed by the pen [Quran 96:4].
To bring forth a child is a four-faceted
intimacy which is the original reason for encouraging it even after being safeguarded
against excessive desire, so that no one wants to meet God as a celibate. The
first: to conform to the love of God by seeking to produce the child in order
to perpetuate mankind. The second: to earn the love of the Prophet* of God by
increasing those in whom he can be glorified. The third: to seek the blessing
of the righteous child's invocation after him.55 The fourth: to seek
intercession 56 through the death of the
young child should he precede his [father's] death.
As for the first facet: It
is the most delicate of all the facets, the most removed from the understanding
of the common folk, and the most meritorious as well as the strongest in the
eyes of those with keen insight into the wonders of the Almighty's creation
and into the course of His wisdom. It may be illustrated thus: if the master
should give seed and cultivating tools to his slave, and prepare for him the
soil to cultivate; if the servant is able to cultivate; if he [the master]
should appoint someone to supervise him [the servant]; and if he [the servant],
nevertheless, is lazy or does not use the ploughing instruments and neglects
the seed until it rots, and he rids himself of the supervisor through some
trickery, then he [the servant] would deserve contempt and reprimand from his
lord.
God Almighty has created the
pair; He has created the male organ and the two ovaries, as well as the sperm
in the sheath; He has prepared for it [the sperm] in the ovaries, arteries and
ducts, and created the womb as a depository for the sperm; He has endowed both
the male and the female with desire. These deeds and instruments bear eloquent
testimony to the design of their creator and declare their purpose unto those
imbued with wisdom. This would be the case [even] if the Creator had not
revealed the design through His Prophet* in the statement Marry and multiply;
how [much more] if He had openly declared the matter and revealed the secret!
Everyone who refrains from marriage neglects tilling, wastes away the seed,
does not use the prepared instruments which God has created, and is a violator
of the aim of nature as well as the wisdom implied in the evidences of creation
foreordained upon these organs by divine writ, unexpressed in letters or
voices-writ which can be read by every [person] who has divine insight to
understand the intricacies of everlasting wisdom. For that reason, divine
legislation exceedingly made the killing of children and the burying [of
girls] alive57 an abomination, for they [such acts] were forbidden
for the fulfillment of existence. To this alluded the one who said, coitus
interruptus (azl) is one of the two burials.
The one who marries is seeking to complete what God
has desired, and the one who abstains, wastes away what God de
tests to have wasted. Because of God's desire that
mankind should survive, He made feeding [the hungry] a decree, encouraged it,
and referred to it by the term loan when He said, Who is it that will lend
unto Allah a goodly loan? [Quran
2:245].59
Should you say: your
statement, that sustenance of the species and of self is desirable, on the
assumption that their passing away is detestable to God, which is the
difference between life and death, not to mention the will of God Almighty, it
being known that all is by the will of God and that God is not in need of
creation, then what can the distinction be with Him between their life, or
survival (bags chum), and their extinction (fana-'uhum)? Know then that this word is a truth from
which an untruth was sought, for what we have mentioned does not invalidate
the relation of all things-good and bad, beneficial and detrimental-to the will
of God. Love and abomination (karah-iyah)
contradict each
other but they do not oppose the will [of God]; for many a desired aim is hated
and many a detested aim is loved; acts of defiance are detestable and they, in
spite of being hated, are desired; acts of obedience are desired and they,
along with being desired, are loved and pleasing. As for apostasy and evil, we
cannot say that they are pleasing and loved but, nevertheless, they are
desired. For the Lord has said, And He is not pleased with ingratitude in His
servants.
How then could
the extinction of man, or the hatred thereof, with respect to the love for God,
be the same as his subsistence? For the Almighty has said, I have never
hesitated over anything as I hesitate in taking the soul of my Muslim servant.
He detests death and I detest harming him, but there is no escape for him from
death. His saying, There is no escape from death for him is a reference to
predetermination and to the decree stated in His words, We have ordained death
for all of you [Quran 56:60]; and in His saying, Who hath
created life and death. There is no contradiction between the Almighty's words, We have ordained death for all of you, and His saying and I
detest harming him.
However, elucidating the truth therein requires defining the meaning of will, love, and hatred; it also requires revealing their essences, because preliminary to understanding them are matters which suit the desire of created beings, their love and their hatred. How preposterous! For between the traits of Almighty God and those of created beings, there is as much distance as between His beloved essence and theirs. The essence of creations is substance and form, while that of God is hallowed beyond theirs; and just as that which is not essence and form cannot be the same as that which is essence and form, likewise His traits are not the same as the traits of creation. These facts lie within the realm of that which could be disclosed. Beyond them lies the mystery of divine decree, the disclosure of which has been prohibited. So let us stop short of mentioning it and let us confine ourselves to that about which we have been told concerning the difference between undertaking and refraining from marriage. For one of the two would cause the loss of lineage, perpetuating its existence from Adam,* generation upon generation, thus ending with him [Adam]. Therefore, he who refrains from marriage cuts off continuous being from himself [back] to Adam* and dies childless with no descendants.
If, however, the inducement to marriage is simply
warding off desire, Mu'adh would not have said when he contracted the plague,
Get me married, I will not meet my Lord celibate. Should you say, But Mu'adh
could not expect to have children at that time, so why was he interested in it
[marriage]? I
would reply, Children result from coitus,63 which is a consequence
of desire. That is a matter which does not fall in the realm of choice; what
is dependent upon the servant's choice is providing the motivation for desire.
That is expected in any event. Thus, whoever contracts [marriage], fulfills his
obligation and what is incumbent upon him. The rest is beyond his choice. For
that reason marriage is desirable also for the impotent; for the urges of
desire are veiled and cannot be seen. Even the eunuch who cannot be expected to
have an offspring still desires it, in the same manner that a bald man desires
to have the blade pass over his head in emulation of others and in keeping with
the precedent of the righteous progenitors, and in the same manner that
trotting (al-ramal) [while performing
the circuit around the Kaaba] and cloaking (al-idtiba ') oneself over the left
shoulder during the pilgrimage today are desirable. The purpose at first was
to indicate [physical] endurance to the infidels. The emulation65
of those who manifested endurance has become a religious duty for those who
succeeded them.
This desire is weak when'
compared to the desire of one who is capable of tilling. Perhaps it is even
weaker when compared with the undesirability of impairing the woman [that is,
not using her] with regard to the gratification of desire, for this is not free
of danger. Such an interpretation explains the great disapproval [by the
righteous] of eschewing marriage in spite of languid sexual desire.
The second facet: striving
to attain the love of the Messenger* of God and to please him by increasing
that which he can boast of, inasmuch as Messenger of God has openly declared
it. Concern for procreation is indicated by what has been related concerning
'Umar*: that he used to marry often and used to say, I marry for [the sake of
producing] children. It was related in the akhbar
that the Prophet* said regarding the deprecation of the barren woman, A
straw mat in the corner of the house is preferable to a barren woman.66
He also said, The best of your women are the affectionate
childbearers.67 He also said, A black childbearer is better than a
beauty that cannot give birth.68 This indicates that seeking
children has been considered a greater virtue in marriage than satisfying the
demands of sexual desire, seeing that a beautiful woman is more suitable for
fortification [against desire], in averting the eye, and curtailing desire.
The third facet: that he
should be survived by a righteous child who would invoke blessings upon him, as
related in one khabar that all the
works of the son of Adam will cease except for three, and he mentioned [among
them] a righteous child, and in another that invocations are offered to the
dead on platters of light. The saying that the son might not be virtuous,
would not make any difference for he is a believer. Virtue predominates in the
offspring of religious parents, particularly if it is resolved to bring him up
in and direct him along the path of virtue. By and large, the invocation of the
believer for his parents is beneficial be he pious or wicked. He [the believer]
is rewarded for his invocations and good deeds, for he has earned them, and he
is not rebuked for his ill deeds; for the sin of a sinner is not superimposed
upon another. For that reason the Almighty declared, We cause their progenies
to join them, and We deprive them of naught of their (life's) work
[Quran 52:21]; that is, we do not
take away from their deeds and we make their children an addition to their good
deeds.
The fourth facet: that the
child should die before him [the parent] and thus he has an intercessor. It has
been related concerning the Prophet* of God that he said, [The child drags his
parents into heaven. 69 In some akhbar, it is related that the
child takes him [the parent] by the garment the same [way] as I now take you by
the garment. He* also said, the progeny is told to enter paradise, but he
stands at the gate of paradise in rage and anger saying, 'I will not enter
paradise except in the company of my parents.' Then it is said, 'Let his
parents enter paradise with him.' 71
In another tradition, it is
stated that the children gather at the place of resurrection when created
beings are brought to judgement, and it will be said to the angels, 'Take these
[the children] to paradise,' but they will stand at the gate of paradise and it
will be said to them, `Welcome to the progeny of the Muslims. Enter! There is
no reckoning for you.' They will say, `Where are our fathers and mothers?' The
keepers will reply, 'Your fathers and mothers are not like you, for they have
committed sins and ill deeds and they are now rendering account and are making
amends for them.' He [the Prophet] said, 'They shout and scream in unison at
the gates of paradise.' The Lord Almighty who knows more about them says, 'What
is this noise?' They [the keepers] will reply, 'Lord, the children of the
Muslims say We shall not enter paradise except in the company of our parents.
Almighty God will say, 'Go through the crowds, take the parents by their hands,
and lead them into paradise.' 72 The Prophet* said, Whoever has
lost two of his children will be shielded from the fire.73 He* also
said, Whoever has lost three that did not attain puberty, God will make him
enter paradise by virtue of His mercy for the children's sake. The Prophet
was asked, 0 Messenger of God, what about two? And he replied, Even two.74
It is related that marriage
was propounded to one of the righteous men, but he hesitated for a while. The
Prophet said, One day he [the righteous man] awoke from his sleep and said,
'Get me married, get me married!' So they got him married. He was asked
concerning that matter, to which he replied: 'God may grant me a child, and
then receive him unto Himself; thus he would serve as a prelude for my
afterlife.' Then he said, 'I saw in a dream that resurrection had come to pass
and myself among the created beings there. I was suffering from mortal thirst;
the other created beings were also suffering from intense thirst and distress.
While we were in that state, behold a group of children75 filtered
through the crowds covered with veils of light, carrying silver pitchers and
golden goblets in their hands and offering drink to one [person] then to
another; they filtered through the crowd yet bypassed most of the people. I
stretched out my hand to one of them and said, Give me water to drink, for I
am extremely thirsty. But he [the child] replied, You do not have a child
amongst us; we only offer our fathers water to drink. So I said, And who are
you? They replied, We are the deceased infant children of the Muslims. '76
One of the meanings incorporated in his statement, which is mentioned in
the Almighty's saying, so go to your tilth as ye will, and prepare beforehand
for your souls [Quran 2:223], is
children for the hereafter. Thus it has become clear from these four facets
that the greatest virtue of marriage lies in its being the means of having
children
[Satisfying
Sexual Desire]
The second advantage: fortification against
the devil, curbing lust, warding off the excesses of desire, averting the eye,
and safeguarding relief. To this the Prophet* referred when he declared, He
who marries fortifies half of his religion, so let him fear God for the second
half. To this he also referred when he stated, You are enjoined to establish
homes. He who cannot do it should fast, for fasting is a [form] of castration.
Most of what we have quoted from the athar and the akhbar points to this interpretation; and this purpose is inferior to the
former one because desire is a charge to produce children. Marriage is sufficient
for bringing this about, a reason for causing it to be, and a safeguard against
the evil of it becoming dominant. One who obeys his master in order to please
him is not like one who obeys in order to be freed from a heavy obligation.
Sexual desire and children are foreordained and between them exists a tie. It
is not appropriate to say that the aim is pleasure and the child is a necessary
result, just as elimination is a necessary result of eating, not an aim in
itself. Rather, the child is the aim by instinct and decree, and sexual desire
is merely an inducement thereto. I cannot conceive of any purpose for sexual
desire except procreation. The pleasure which accompanies it -pleasure which
would be unrivaled were it to last-is a harbinger of the promised pleasures in
paradise. For to encourage pleasure which one cannot enjoy is pointless. Thus
were an impotent male encouraged to seek enjoyment of coitus, or were a young
boy encouraged to seek rule and power, encouragement would be to no avail. One
virtue of the world's pleasures is that people wish to see them [pleasures]
continue in paradise; thus they are an inducement to the worship of God.
Behold the wisdom, the
mercy, and the divine fulfillment (al-ta'biyah al-ilahiyah):77 how
two lives, one external (zahirah) and one internal (batinah), were fused together by one desire. The exoteric life is the
perpetuation of the individual through the preservation of his lineage, which
is a form of the perpetuation of existence. The esoteric life is the life in
the hereafter, so if this pleasure, diminished by the speedy passage of time,
activates the desire for [attaining] pleasure by becoming everlasting, then
it encourages the kind of worship which leads to it [pleasure]. Consequently
the servant [of God] benefits by becoming so desirous of it and gains the
ability to persist in that which leads him to the blissfulness of paradise.
There is not an atom in the
body of man, internal or external in the Kingdom of Heaven and Earth, within
which one would not discover a measure of wisdom and wonder that baffles the
mind. Nevertheless, it can be revealed only to a pure heart in proportion to
its purity and to the extent that it resists the world's pleasures, its
enticements, and its snares. Thus, marriage for the sake of curbing excessive
desire is important in religion to all who do not suffer from impotence-these
happen to constitute the majority of created beings. For if sexual desire
prevails and encounters no resistance from the force of piety, it will lead to
the commission of an abomination (fahishah).
To this the Prophet*
referred when conveying the word of the Almighty, If ye do riot so, there will
be confusion in the land, and great corruption. If it [sexual desire] is
bridled with the bridle of piety, and the purpose [of marriage] is to curtail
the limbs [of the body] (jawarih)80 from
responding to desire, then marriage would avert the eye and preserve relief by
guarding the heart as well as the mind against temptation. For that is not a
matter of one's choice, rather the self will continue to entice him and tempt
him to have coitus, and the tempting devil will not abandon him most of the
time. That could occur during prayer; thus he may envision such details of
coitus which, were he to confess them to the lowliest of creatures, they would
blush. Yet God knows [the secrets of] his heart because the heart is to God as
the tongue is to man. For the chief preoccupation of the novice (murid)81 who wants to pursue the path of the hereafter is his heart.
[Moreover], persistence in fasting does not eliminate the element of
temptation as pertains to most people, unless it is coupled with weakness of
the body and disturbance of the temperament. For that reason Ibn 'Abbas*
declared, The asceticism of the ascetics cannot be complete without marriage.83
This is a universal ordeal from which few can be delivered.
Qatadah84 said, in interpreting
the words of the Almighty, Impose not on us that which we have not the
strength to bear:86 that is, lust. It is said that 'Akramah88
and Mujahid87 interpreted the Almighty's words for man was created
weak [Quran 4:28] by saying, He
cannot refrain from women. Fayyad b. Najih said that When the male experiences
an erection, he loses two-thirds of his mind; others say He loses a third of
his religion. One of the rare interpretations rendered by Ibn 'Abbas* of the
verse From the evil of the darkness when it is intense [Quran 113:3]88
is to the male erection, which is an overpowering catastrophe should it rage,
as no mind or religion can resist it; for, although it can become an impetus
for the two lives as was mentioned earlier, it is the devil's strongest
instrument against the sons of Adam. To this he* referred in these words:
Among those who are deficient in intelligence and religion, I have never seen
any who are more successful than you [women] in prevailing over those [men] of
intelligence.89 And that is because of the rage of desire. The Prophet
said in his invocation, 0 God! I seek refuge in Thee from the evils of my
hearing, my seeing, my heart, and the evils of my semen. He also said, I ask
you to purify my heart and safeguard my genitals; so how can there be laxity
for others wherefrom the Messenger* of God seeks refuge.
A righteous man used to
marry frequently; he never had less than two or three [women]. Some Sufis
criticized him, to which he replied, Has any of you presented himself before
God or stood (waqafa) before Him92 and
experienced sexual desire? They replied, This thing occurs frequently. He
retorted, Were I to accept throughout my life such a state as you have
experienced once, I would not have married; but never did a distracting thought
occur to me which I did not carry through, thereby relieving and enabling
myself to return to my work. And for forty years, no transgression has befallen
me. Some people criticized the status of the Sufis, to which a man of religion
replied, What is it you blame them for? He [one of the people] replied, They
eat a lot. To this he retorted, And you, also, if you hungered as they do,
would eat as they do. He [one of the people] said, They marry often. To
which he replied, If you should safeguard your eye and genitals as they do,
you, too, would marry as they do. Junayd used to say, I am as much in need of
coitus as I am of food, so the wife is definitely nourishment and a means for
the purification of the heart.
For that reason
the Messenger* of God commanded that everyone who sees a woman and is attracted
to her should have intercourse with his wife,93 for that would ward
off temptation from his soul.' Jabir* related that the Prophet* of God saw a
woman, so he had intercourse with Zaynab [his wife], fulfilled his desire, and
departed. The Prophet* declared: When a woman approaches, she approaches in
the image of the devil; so should a man see a woman who appeals to him, let him
approach his wife because she has what that woman has.95
The Prophet* said, Do not
have intercourse with a woman whose husband is absent96 because the
devil flows through your veins as does the blood. So we said, And your
veins? He replied, And mine; but God has fortified me against it and
therefore I am safe.' Sufyan b. 'Ayyinah said, 'safe' means delivered from
it [temptation]. That is its meaning because the devil does not deliver.
It was also related that the son of Umar*, one of the ascetics among the companions, also of the ulema among them, used to break the fast by coitus before eating. It is probable that he had intercourse before the evening prayer, after which he would perform absolution and pray, all for the purpose of emptying the heart to enable it to concentrate on the worship of God and to remove from it the implements of the devil. It has been related that he [son of 'Umar] had coitus with three of his concubines during the month of Ramadan before the last evening prayer.
Ibn 'Abbas has declared,
The best of this nation is mostly women;98 and since sexual desire
was a predominant force in the temperament of the Arabs, the frequency of
marriage among their righteous men was more common.
It was for the purpose of
freeing the heart that marriage with the bondmaid was permitted when there was
fear of hardship, even though it results in enslaving the son,99
which is a kind of attrition; such marriage is forbidden to anyone who can
obtain a free woman. However, the enslaving of a son is preferable to
destroying the faith, for enslavement affects temporarily the life of the
child, while committing an abomination results in losing the hereafter; in
comparison to one of its days the longest life is insignificant.'
It has been related that one
day some people departed from a gathering with Ibn 'Abbas, except for one young
man who did not leave. Ibn 'Abbas asked him, Do you have something to ask? He
said, Yes, I wish to ask you a question, but I was ashamed [to ask] in front
of the people. Now I stand in awe out of respect for you. An alim101
takes the place of the father, said Ibn 'Abbas, so what you would have
divulged to your father, disclose to me. He said, I am a young man with no wife.
On occasion I have
feared distress for myself, and thus sought relief in masturbation. Is there an
act of transgression in it? So Ibn 'Abbas turned away from him, then said,
How disgusting! Marrying a bondmaid is better than that, yet it is better than
committing fornication.
This is an indication that a youthful bachelor is torn among three evils: The least of these is marrying a bondmaid, which would lead to enslavement of the offspring; worse than that is masturbation; and the most abominable of the three is fornication. Ibn 'Abbas did not permit the commission of either because both [the first two] are forewarned against and should be resorted to only to prevent committing a greater evil, in the same manner as one would eat carrion to avoid self-destruction. Preponderance over the lesser of two evils cannot be construed as unrestricted permissiveness or as absolute virtue; cutting off a malignant arm is not a good act even though it is permissible when death is impending. Therefore marriage is meritorious in this respect, but this does not apply to all [people], only to most. Many a person's desire cools off on account of old age, illness, or the like, and therefore this factor would not apply to him; and what has already been mentioned concerning procreation remains intact. This is general except in the case of the eunuch, which is rare.
It is preferable for a person with temperament so overcome by desire that one woman cannot curb it to have more than one woman, up to four. For God will grant him love and mercy, and will appease his heart by them [women]; if not, replacing them is recommended. Seven nights after the death of Fatimah,* 'Ali* got married. It is said that al-Hasan, the son of 'Ali, was a great lover having married more than two hundred women. Perhaps he would marry four at a time, and perhaps he would divorce four at a time replacing them with others. The Prophet* said to al-Hasan, You resemble me in appearance and in character.' He* also said, Hasan takes after me and Husayn takes after Ali.` It was said that his indulgence in marriage is one of the characteristics in which he resembled the Messenger* of
God as well as al-Mughirah Ibn Shu'bah who married
eighty women. Among the companions were those who had three and four [wives]
while those who had two cannot be counted.
No matter how well known the
inducement, the cure should be in proportion to the ailment; for the aim is
tranquilizing one's self, and therefore this must be taken into consideration
in deciding how many wives one should have.
[Companionship]
The third advantage: comfort
and relaxation for the soul through companionship; seeing and dallying comfort
the heart and strengthen it for the performance of the obligatory rituals. For
the self grows weary and has the tendency to shun work because that is contrary
to its nature. If compelled to adhere to what disagrees with its nature, it
becomes recalcitrant and defiant. If it finds an outlet for itself
periodically, it becomes stronger and more energetic. The companionship of
women provides relaxation which relieves distress and soothes the heart. It is
incumbent upon the pious to acquire such comfort by permissible means. For that
reason Almighty God declared, that he might take rest in her [Quran 7:189] and 'Ali said, Relax the heart
an hour, for if it is compelled it is blinded. A khabar states, A wise man should
divide his time three ways: one for meditating, one for self-examination, and
one for eating and drinking. In this [latter] time, there is help for the other
period.' The same is stated in another expression: The wise man is desirous106
only of three things: provisioning himself for a return journey (ma'ad),107 seeking a livelihood (marammah), or [seeking] pleasure in something not forbidden.' The Prophet*
states, For every desire (iradah)109 there
is a shirrah (eagerness), and for each shirrah there is a fitrah (natural disposition). 10 He whose fitrah leads to my sunna is guided. I Shirrah is the striving and the
enduring which come about in the beginning when exercising the will, while fitrah means stopping for rest. Abu al-Darda' used to say, I find relaxation
for myself with a little diversion (lahu), thereby gaining strength to
walk in uprightness thereafter.
In some akhbar pertaining
to the Prophet,* he said, I complained to Gabriel* of my inability to have
coitus, and he suggested [I eat] harisah.' If this be true, it can be
interpreted only as a preparation for relaxation and cannot be interpreted to
imply warding off desire; for it is rather a kindling of desire, and whoever is
deprived of sexual desire is denied most of this intimacy.
The Prophet* also said,
Three things of your world have been made desirable to me: perfume (Sib), women, and my delight (qurrat
al-'ayni) in
prayer.' This, too, is a benefit that cannot be denied by one who has
experienced the weariness of thoughts and remembrances (dhikr)114 and different types of work,
which lie outside the two previously mentioned benefits. Indeed, it extends
even to the eunuch and to the one who has no sexual desire. As a matter of
fact, this advantage renders marriage meritorious if it is concluded with such
an intent, but rare are those who marry for this end.
As for the aim of having an
offspring as well as that of warding off desire and the like, they are
prevalent. Besides, many a person finds pleasure in looking at flowing water,
greenery, and the like and is not in need of relieving himself by conversing
and dallying with women. Thus this [aim] varies with circumstances and
individuals; so let it be taken into consideration.
[Ordering the Household]
The fourth advantage: being
free from the concerns of household duties, as well as of preoccupation with
cooking, sweeping, making beds, cleaning utensils, and means for obtaining
support. If a human being had no desire (shahwah) for coitus, it would still
be difficult for him to live in his house alone; because if he were saddled
with all the work of attending the house, he would waste most of his time and
have very little of it left for learning and working.
The virtuous woman who takes
care of the house abets religiousness in this manner, and any disturbance of
these preoccupations would perturb the heart and impede life. For that reason
Abu Sulayman al-Darani' declared, The virtuous wife is not of this world, for
she liberates you for the hereafter. Her contribu
tion to freeing [the man] is by both taking care of
the house and by satisfying sexual desire. Muhammad b. Ka'b al-Qarazi said in
interpreting God's words, 0 Lord! Give unto us in the world that which is
good [Quran 2:201]; he meant a
virtuous woman. The Prophet said, Let each among you have a grateful heart; a
tongue which invokes [the name of God]; and a faithful, virtuous wife who
assists you toward the hereafter.' Behold how he has equated her with
invocation and thanksgiving.' In a commentary regarding the Almighty's word,
it is stated: him verily We shall quicken with good life [Quran 16:97]; he meant a virtuous wife.
'Umar b. al-Khattab* used to
say, Next to faith in God, the best gift which has been given to man is a
virtuous woman. There are some women that are priceless and others that are
yokes from whom one cannot be redeemed; by priceless is meant that she [woman]
cannot be replaced by any other gift.
The Prophet* also said, I
was preferred over Adam by two gifts: His wife abetted him into transgression,
while my wives urge me in obedience; his devil was a blasphemer and my devil
[is] a Muslim' who only enjoins to good.' Thus he [the Prophet] considered
her helping him towards obedience as a virtue. This, also, is one of the
virtues to which the righteous [men] aim, except that it is pertinent to some
individuals who have no legal guardian or manager. It does not call for two
wives, [since] plurality may render life miserable and disrupt the affairs of
the home.
The aim of such an advantage
is the expansion of kinfolk [through the wife] as well as gaining strength by
virtue of interfamily relations. This is one of the things that is needed in
warding off evil and seeking tranquility. For that reason it was said, Abased
is the one who has no protector; but he who finds someone who repels evil from
him, his state is secured and his heart is freed for worship. For abasement
disturbs the heart while strength in numbers wards off abasement.
[Disciplining the Self]
The fifth advantage: disciplining the self' and
training it to be mindful, faithful, loyal, and respectful of the rights of the
ahl (wives),12O tolerating
their manners, enduring harm from them, striving to reform them, guiding them
to the path of religion, striving toward making lawful gains for their sake,
and undertaking the upbringing of their children. All these are deeds of great
merit, for they are an exercise in compliance [with God's injunction] and
trust and loyalty; the wives and the offspring being the protected ones, and
the virtue of guardianship is great. Those who avoid these responsibilities do
so for fear of being unable to do justice by them, otherwise the Prophet* would
not have said, One day of just guardianship is more preferable than seventy
years of worship. Then he said, Indeed, every one of you is a shepherd, and
every one of you is responsible for his flock.'
The one who is preoccupied with reforming himself and
others is not the same as the one who is preoccupied with reforming himself
only; nor is the one who endures harm like the one who seeks pleasure and
comfort for himself. Bearing the burden of wives and of offspring is equivalent
to jihad for the sake of God. For that reason Bishr said, Ahmad Ibn Hanbal was
preferred over me on three counts, one of them being the fact that he sought
what was lawful for himself and for others.' The Prophet* also said,
Whatever a man spends on his wife is a
sadaqah,123 and a man
will be compensated for the morsel of food he offers his wife.124
Someone told one of the ulema, The Lord has granted
me a share of every deed! and he mentioned the
hajj (pilgrimage), jihad, and the like. So he replied to him, Where do you
stand as concerns the deeds of the substitutions (ibdal)?125 He
asked: And what are those? To which he retorted, Lawful gain and spending on
dependents.
Ibn al-Mubarak said while
with his companions during a battle, Do you know of anything better than what
we are doing? They said, We know of none. He answered, I do. They asked,
What is it? He said, A virtuous man. He continued, A virtuous man rose
during the night and beheld his sleeping children uncovered, and so he covered
them with his garment. His deed is more virtuous than what we are doing.
The Prophet* said, He whose prayer is
good, and whose children are many and whose possessions are few, and who does
not neglect (yaghtub) the Muslims
will be with me in paradise like these two women.' In another hadith it is
said, The Lord loves the poor, virtuous father of children.' Another hadith
related, If the sins of the believer become many, God preoccupies him with
the burden of children [in order] to make restitution for them [the sins].
128
One of the forefathers said, There are offenses that
cannot be atoned for except through family burdens. A tradition relates that
the Prophet* said, There are certain sins that cannot be atoned for except by
the burden of seeking a livelihood. 129 He also said, Whoever has three
daughters whom he supports and to whom he is kind until the Lord renders them
independent of him, God will most certainly make paradise his reward -unless
he commits a deed for which he cannot be forgiven.' Ibn 'Abbas would say
whenever he referred to this hadith, By God, this is one of the strangest (gharib)131 and most misleading articles of the
hadith.
It has been related that a devout person used to
provide well for his wife until she died. It was suggested to him that he
remarry after her death, but he refrained and said, Solitude is more soothing
to my heart and allows me to concentrate better on my meditations. He
continued: I saw in a dream, a week following her death, the gates of heaven
open, and men descending and marching in succession through the air. Every
time one descended, he looked at me and told the one behind him, 'This is the
unfortunate one.' The other would reply, 'Yes!' I refrained from asking them
out of awe until the last one, who was a child, passed by me. I asked him:
'Say, who is the unfortunate one to whom you are referring?' He replied,
'You.' And I asked, 'Why so?' He replied, 'We used to exalt your deeds among
those who have striven for the sake of God; but a week ago we were commanded to
record your deed with those who have been inimical, and we do not know what you
are guilty of.' So he said to his brethren, Get me married, get me married.
After that, he was not without two or three [wives].
It is related in one of the akhbar of the prophets* that a group
entered upon Jonah, the prophet, and he* was hospitable to them. He [Jonah] would
enter and leave his house and be mistreated by his wife, yet remain silent.
They were astonished, but he said, Don't be; for I have beseeched Almighty God
saying, 'Hasten upon me in this life whatever punishment thou hast prepared for
me in the hereafter'; so He said, 'Your punishment is the daughter of so and
so whom you should marry.' So I married her and am enduring from her what you
see.
Such endurance is a form of
self-discipline, an appeasement of anger, and an improvement of character. A
person who secludes himself or who associates himself with someone of a
refined character does not reflect on the evils of his inner self, nor are his
hidden faults revealed. It is, therefore, the duty of one who walks the path of
the hereafter to tempt himself by being exposed to the like of such agitations,
and to become accustomed to enduring them so that his character should be set
straight, his soul should be calm, and he should be purified of the base
qualities hidden within him.
Enduring the burden of dependents, which is a form of
exercise and struggle to provide for them and sustain them, is an act of
worship in itself. However, only one of two types of men benefits from it:
either a man who seeks striving, exercising, and character training because he
is at the beginning of the Path and is therefore not unlikely to consider this
a manner of striving by which his soul is exercised; or, a worshipper who does
not pursue virtue through the path of the esoteric (sayr bil-batin), mental activity, and the experiences of the
heart, but whose [virtuous] deeds are physical,132 such as prayer,
performing the pilgrimage, and the like. His working to gain lawfully for his
wives and children, maintaining them and bringing them up properly, is better
for him than acts of worship which are imposed upon his body and whose
benefits do not extend to others.
As for the man whose
character is well formed either. through inherent traits or through a previous
effort, if he wants to succeed in obtaining an inner life and an intellectual and
spiritual activity in the domain of religious and mystical sciences, then he
should not marry for that reason because he has no need for exercise.' As for
worship in the form of providing for dependents, seeking knowledge is better
than that because it [seeking knowledge], too, is a form of work, but its
benefits are more numerous and more encompassing than the benefit of providing
for dependents. These then are the advantages of marriage, which in religion
are decreed to be virtuous.
[DISADVANTAGES OF MARRIAGE]
[Inability to Seek Lawful
Gain]
The
disadvantages of marriage are three: one-the strongest-is the inability to
seek gain lawfully. For that is not available to every person, especially
nowadays, because of social instability and because marriage encourages the
amplification of attempts to provide [for dependents] through unlawful means.
In it [marriage] is, thus, a man's destruction and the destruction of his
family; a bachelor is safeguarded therefrom. As for a married man, he is most often
driven into the paths of evil by following the whims of his wife and selling
his hereafter for this world.
There is a khabar which states that the servant ('abd) is made to stand before the
scales with good deeds that resemble mountains in weight.' He then is
questioned concerning the care and support of his family, the source of his
wealth and how he spent it, until such reckoning absorbs all his good deeds,
thus not one good deed remains to his account; whereupon the angels cry out:
`Behold, here is the man whose dependents consume his good deeds in the world
and is today mortgaged by his
deeds.'
136
Is is said that
those first to cling to man on the day of resurrection will be his wife and
children who will cause him to stand in the presence of Almighty God and then
say, 0 Lord! Give us our just due from him, for he taught us not what we were
ignorant of, feeding us by unlawful means and we did not know it. He [God]
will punish him for their sake. One of the forefathers said, When God wills
evil to a servant, He sets upon him fangs in this world to devour him; meaning
dependents.
The Prophet said, No one will meet God with
a greater offense than one who ignores [the needs of] his dependents.' This
is a general calamity from which few are delivered, excepting one with
possessions that are inherited or gained lawfully, which he uses to redeem138
himself and his family, provided he is content not to seek more. Such a person
will be delivered from this calamity as will be a craftsman who is able to gain
lawfully through permissible means, such as gathering firewood, hunting, or
engaging in a craft that is not dependent upon rulers, and thereby is able to
deal with virtuous people; also, the one who manifests blamelessness and most
of whose possessions are lawfully gained [will be delivered by God].
Ibn Salim said when asked
about marriage: It [marriage] is more desirable in this time of ours for
someone who is overcome by lust: like the male donkey who sees a female donkey
and can neither be dissuaded from her by beating nor can he control himself;
should he control himself, it is preferable to leave him alone.
[Failure to Uphold Wives'
Rights]
The second disadvantage: the
failure to uphold their [wives'] rights, to tolerate their manners, or to
endure harm from them. This is less prevalent than the previous [disadvantage],
inasmuch as it is easier to overcome the latter than the former. Improving
one's manners with women and upholding their rights are easier than seeking
lawful gain. There is also danger in this because he [the husband] is a
shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The Prophet* said, It is sin (ithm) enough for a man to destroy those
for whom he provides. 139
It has been related that one who deserts his family is like a runaway slave in that his prayer and his fasting are not acceptable until he returns to them. Whoever fails to uphold his wives' rights, even though he might be present, is like a fugitive. The Lord has said, Ward off from yourselves and your families a [hell]Fire [Quran 66:6]. He commanded us to safeguard them from the Fire as we would safeguard ourselves.
A person might fail to
uphold his own right, and were he to get married this obligation would be
compounded, and to his self another person be added. Self is an impellent to
evil; if self is increased, the incitement to evil usually increases. For that
reason, a certain man declined to get married and said, I am afflicted with my
[own] self; how can I add another self to it? 140 As has been said, The mouse hole would not be large
enough to contain it [the mouse] if a broom was tied to its tail.
Ibrahim Ibn Adham*141
also declined [to get married] by saying, I will not attach a woman unto me,
nor do I have need for women; that is to say, I am unable to care for them,
protect them, and provide for them since I lack the means. Likewise Bishr
declined saying, I am prevented from marriage by the Almighty's words, 'And
they (women) have rights similar to those (of men).' 1114' He used
to say, Were I to care for a chicken, I would fear becoming a butcher on the
bridge.'
Sufyan b. 'Ayyinah* was seen
at the gate of the sultan and was told: This is not your place! He replied,
Have you seen a man with a family who is more successful? Sufyan used to say,
I yearn for celibacy, the key, 114 and a place of dwelling which
the wind can penetrate and where no commotion or shouting [exists].
This [the second
disadvantage] is, too, a common evil though less prevalent than the first-from
which only an intelligent, wise man can be delivered: A man possessing good
character and insight into the ways of women, is tolerant of their tongues, is
not driven by their desires, is careful to fulfill his obligations towards
them, can overlook their mistakes, and is cognizant of their manners. Most
people are given to impudence, boorishness, irascibility, frivolity, bad
manners, and injustice while seeking full justice. Inevitably, such men
through marriage become more corrupt in this respect. Hence celibacy is safer
for them.
[Distractions from God]
The third
disadvantage-which is less [of an evil] than the first and the second-[lies in
the possibility] that the wife and the offspring could distract him from
Almighty God, luring him to pursue the world and indulge in providing a
comfortable life for his children through gathering wealth and hoarding it for
them, and enticing him to seek exaltation and multiplication through them.
Whatever distracts [one's attention] from God-whether wife, wealth, or
offspring-brings misfortune upon the possessor. I do not imply by this that it
would lead to forbidden deeds, for that [whatever leads to forbidden deeds] has
already been listed under the first and second disadvantages, but rather that
it would entice him to indulge in the enjoyment of what is permissible, leading
into excesses in dallying, flirting, and excessive enjoyment of them [women].
From marriage arise various types of such distractions that engross the heart;
thus night and day would pass and the person would not have time to think about
the hereafter or prepare for it. For that reason Ibrahim Ibn Adham* said, No
good can come out of one who becomes accustomed to the thighs of women. Abu
Sulayman* said, Whoever marries attaches himself to the world. That is to say,
he is lured to depend on the world.
[CONCLUSIONS]
This is the sum total of
disadvantages and advantages. To judge that a person is absolutely better off
[by] being married or single falls short of taking into consideration all these
matters. Rather, such advantages and disadvantages can be considered a
precept and a criterion against which the novice should measure himself. If the
disadvantages [of marriage] are nonexistent in his case and the benefits are
all present, that is, if he has lawfully gained possessions, good character,
and earnest pursuit of religion, marriage would not distract him from God; if
he [the novice] is, nevertheless, a young man in need of appeasing his sexual
desire, if he is a bachelor in need of someone to take care of his house, and
if he needs fortification through family associations, then marriage is
unquestionably better for him even though its [primary] aim is to produce
offspring. If the advantages are refuted and the disadvantages are brought
together, being celibate is preferable for him; but if the two are equal, which
is most likely, it is necessary to weigh on just scales the extent to which the
advantages contribute to the promotion of his religion and the extent to which
the disadvantages detract from it. If it appears that one group outweighs the
other, it should be acted upon. For the most obvious advantages are procreation
and appeasing desire, while the most obvious disadvantages are the need for
unlawful gain and distraction from
God. Let us assume that these matters are comparable
in importance: We would then conclude that if a man is not troubled by sexual
desire, if the benefit of his marriage lies in the endeavor to obtain an
offspring, and if the evils of his marriage lie in the necessity to gain unlawfully
and to be distracted from God then celibacy is preferable. There is no
advantage in whatever distracts one from God or in earning unlawful gain.
The matter of offspring
cannot compensate for the absence of these two considerations, [because] marriage
for the purpose of obtaining an offspring is illusory and this constitutes a
consummate deficiency in religion. To preserve his own life and to, guard it
from destruction is more important than seeking to produce an offspring; that
is a gain, and religion is an investment. For in the corruption of religion
lies the loss of the hereafter and the dissipation of the investment. Such a
benefit cannot counteract either of those two disadvantages. However, if to the
matter of the offspring is added the need to appease desire, which results from
one's yearning for marriage, then one might consider marriage. If the reins of
righteousness are not strengthened in his mind, and if he fears committing
fornication, then marriage is preferable for him because he is hesitant
between committing fornication and attaining unlawful gain; earning unlawful
gain is the lesser of the two disadvantages. If he trusts himself not to commit
fornication, and is unable at the same time to avert the eye from what is
unlawful, then abstaining from marriage is preferable. For, to look [lustfully]
is unlawful and to earn gain in an improper way is unlawful. Seeking gain takes
place continually and in it lies his [ultimate] ruin and the ruin of his
family, while looking takes place occasionally and this pertains to him [and
does not involve his relations] and passes away quickly. Looking constitutes
adultery by the eyes but, if not rectified by relief, is easier to forgive than
eating forbidden fruit, unless it is feared that looking should end in the
defiance of relief, thus entailing the threat of affliction.
If this be the case, then we
are confronted with the third situation: that is, to have the strength to avert
the eyes but not to ward off thoughts distracting the heart; here it is
preferable to abstain from marriage because the [evil] deeds of the heart are
easier to forgive. Emptying the heart for the sake of worship is desirable;
[besides] the act of worship is precluded by unlawful gain, consuming it
[gain], and feeding it to others. Thus it is necessary to weigh these
disadvantages against the advantages and to judge accordingly. Whoever becomes
aware of this will not find it difficult to comprehend what we have transmitted
from the righteous forefathers, namely encouragement of marriage in certain
situations and in others discouragement therefrom inasmuch as this is
dependent upon circumstances.
If you should
ask, Which is better for someone who is safeguarded from the disadvantages [of
marriage], seclusion for the worship of God or marriage? I would reply:
Combine the two, because marriage is a contract and does not preclude seclusion
for the worship of God; rather, it pertains to the need for lawful gain. If he
is able to earn lawful gain, then marriage is also better, because it is
feasible for him during the night and the rest [that is, the unoccupied
portion] of the day to be in seclusion for worship; persistence in worship
without relaxation is not feasible. If it be assumed that earning a livelihood
preoccupies his whole time to the extent that he has none left other than that
prescribed-sleeping, eating, and performing the necessaries and if he is one
of those who do not pursue the hereafter except through the supererogatory
prayer, pilgrimage, or similar physical activities, then marriage is better
for him. For earning lawful gain, supporting a family, seeking to obtain
offspring, and tolerating the manners of women constitute forms of worship
whose merits do not fall short of supererogatory acts of worship. If he should
worship by means of knowledge, meditation, and the path of esotericism, and
should lawful gain complicate that, then abstaining from marriage is
preferable.
Should you ask,
Why then did Jesus* abstain from marriage in spite of its virtue? And if it is
preferable to free oneself for the worship of God, why then did our Prophet*
take on numerous wives? Know ye, then, that it is preferable to combine the
two in the case of one who is able, whose desire is strong, and whose ambition
is high, because no preoccupation can distract him from God.
Our Messenger* armed himself
with strength and combined the virtue of worship and that of marriage. In spite
of his nine women, 14' he still dedicated himself to God. For him,
the satisfaction of the sexual need was not an obstacle. At the same time,
those who are preoccupied with worldly needs are not constrained in their
affairs by the fulfilling of natural needs; outwardly, they perform that which
is necessary, but their hearts are preoccupied with solitude not unmindful of
their important duties. The Messenger* of God, because of his elevated status,
was not deterred by the dictates of this world from the presence of the heart
with God. He used to receive revelation (wahy) while
he was in his wife's bed.' If this is true in the case of someone else, it is
not inconceivable that irrigation canals can be altered by what cannot alter
the mighty ocean; in other words, one cannot compare others unto him [that is,
the Prophet].' As for Jesus,* he armed himself with resolutions and not
strength; he took precautions, for perhaps his state was such that preoccupation
with a family could have affected it, or made it difficult to seek lawful gain,
or made marriage and seclusion for worship irreconcilable. Thus he preferred to
devote himself to worship. For they [prophets] are more aware [than others] of
the secrets of their states, of the precepts of their times regarding virtuous
gain, of the manners of women, of the calamities of marriage upon the marrier,
and of the benefits he [that is, the marrier] has therein. No matter
how different the circumstances are, in some cases it is preferable to marry
and in others to abstain. We should deem the deeds of the prophets as
preferable in all cases -and God knows best.
CHAPTER TWO
As Concerns Marriage:
Conditions
of the Woman and
Stipulations
of the Marriage Contract
[MARRIAGE CONTRACT]
As for the marriage contract
('aqd), it has four conditions that facilitate its
establishment and dissolution:
1. Permission of the guardian;
if not, then [that of] the ruler.'
2. Consent of the woman if
she is a nonvirgin adult (thayyib bough) or a virgin adult given away
in marriage by someone other than her father or grandfather.
3. The presence of two
witnesses openly known for fairness. If both enjoy a blameless record, then the
establishment of the contract is decreed.
4. A declaration (ijab) and a related acceptance (qabul) encompassing the term
marry, give in marriage, or some similar term, pronounced by two
individuals charged with the responsibility, neither of whom is a woman; but
[they] could include the husband, the guardian [of the woman], or the representative
[of either party].
[ETIQUETTE OF
MARRIAGE]
Concerning the
etiquette of marriage: The engagement should be arranged with a guardian, not
during the legally prescribed waiting period ('iddah) of the woman, but rather
after its termination if the woman is observing such a period, and provided
that she is not already engaged to another, since an engagement while another
is pending is forbidden.' Proper etiquette requires an engagement [period]
prior to marriage, and associating the expression of praise [to God] with the
declaration and the acceptance; thus the one giving the woman in marriage
says, Praise be to God and blessings upon the Messenger of God. I give you my
daughter, so and so, in marriage; and the husband replies, Praise be to God
and blessings upon the Messenger of God. I accept her in marriage upon this
dowry (sadaq). Let the dowry be fixed and small. It is also
desirable to pronounce the words Praise be to God before the engagement. Its
etiquette includes that the affairs of the husband be revealed to the wife; if
she is a virgin, this is more appropriate and more conducive to congeniality
between them. For that reason it is desirable that he should look at her before
marriage, as it is more likely to lead to enrichment of their relationship.
Its etiquette also calls for
the presence of a group of righteous people in addition to the two witnesses
who are required to establish the validity [of the contract]. The etiquette
also specifies that the intent of marriage should be upholding the sunna,
averting the eye, bearing children, and the rest of the aforementioned
advantages; thus the purpose of marriage will not be merely for pleasure and
enjoyment, which would render such an act a worldly endeavor. This does not
preclude such intentions, for many a virtue coincides with passion. 'Umar b.
'Abd al- 'Aziz*3 declared: If virtue coincides with passion, it is
like `butter with dates' (al-zubadu bil-nirstydn).' It is not impossible that
one should be motivated by his desires and the dictates of religion
simultaneously. It is desirable that the marriage be contracted in the mosque
and during the month of Shawwal.5 'A'ishah*8 said, The
Prophet* married me in Shawwal, and consumated the marriage in Shawwal.'
[REQUISITE
QUALITIES FOR THE WOMAN]
A woman given in
marriage is either one who is taken as a lawful wife, or one who is taken for
enjoyment and the attainment of certain purposes.
[Legal
Disabilities to or Restrictions on Marriage]
The first type: The woman taken as a lawful wife
should be
free from that which would prohibit her marriage.
There are nineteen restrictions.'
1. That she be married to another.
2. That she be
in a legally prescribed waiting period [which precedes marriage] to another
[person], regardless of whether that period is due to [the husband's] death, to
divorce, to suspicion [of adultery], or is being cleared from suspicion aroused
by [her] owner [that is, being a concubine-slave of the owner].
3. That she be an apostate
for having uttered an expression of unbelief.
4. That she be a Magian.9
5. That she be
an idolator or freethinker (zindiq) who follows neither a
prophet nor a book. Women in this category include those who follow the
doctrine of libertinism-marrying them is not lawful; also [included in this
category is] every female subscribing to a false doctrine whose believer is
deemed an infidel.
6. [If] she is
a follower of a revealed religion (kitabiyah)10 which
she adopted after conversion or after the Prophet's mission [as Messenger of
God], and who furthermore is not a descendant from the Children of Israel,
unless both conditions apply, marrying her is not permissible; but if she lacks
genealogy only, then [among the jurisprudents] there is no consensus.
7. That she be
a slave and the marrier a free man who is capable of marrying a free woman or
who fears committing fornication (Canal).
8. That she be totally or partially a slave of the
marrier.
9. That she be
related to the [man] either by descent from his progenitors (used) or
collaterals (fusel), or of the collaterals of his
first progenitors, or from the first collateral of every progenitor after a
progenitor. By usul, I mean mothers and grandmothers;
and by his fusel, [male] children and grandchildren; and by fusel awwal fusul, brothers and their children; and by awwal fall from every asl [singular
of usul] after it, the progenitor of maternal and paternal
aunts, not their children.
10. That she be unlawful [for marriage]
through nursing;12 and among those prohibited by reason of nursing
are the relations prohibited in terms of the used and fusul discussed
above.
However, those forbidden are
the ones who have been nursed five times, not the ones nursed fewer times.
11. That she
be forbidden because of marriage ties; that is, (a) if the marrier were already
married to her daughter or granddaughter,13
or (b) if he previously possessed them [as slaves either] by direct contract or
semicontract, or (c) if he had had sexual relations with them in a
quasi-contract [common marriage], or (d) had sexual intercourse with her
mother or one of her grandmothers in a marital contract or quasi-contract; for
the mere contract of marriage with a woman renders her maternal female
ascendants unlawful. Her collateral relatives are forbidden only on account of
coitus, or if his [the marrier's] father or son had married her before.
12. That the
woman be the fifth, 14 that is, that the marrier already has four
[wives] acquired either by marriage or by virtue of [the fact that at least one
of his wives is in] the state of the legally prescribed waiting period pending
remarriage ('iddat alraj'ah) to him. But if her divorce
is final and she is in another prescribed waiting period ('iddat baynunah),15 then marrying the fifth is
not unlawful.
13. That the
marries be married to her sister, her maternal aunt, or her paternal aunt; that
is, through marriage he would bring both of them together [as wives]. Marriage
is not permissible between a related pair if one is male and the other a
female, and thus they cannot be brought together [in marriage].
14. That she
be divorced three times by the marrier and thus be unlawful to him unless
another husband [muhallil] has sexual intercourse with
her in a lawful marriage.
15. That the marrier has exchanged curses with her;
in this
case, after the oath of
condemnation, se is or ever unlawful
to him.
16. That she be in a state
of ritual consecration of the major (hajj) or lesser ('umra) pilgrimage, or that the husband
be in the same state; marriage then cannot take place until the completion of
the period of sanctification.
17. That she should be a
deflowered young woman;18 marrying her is then not permissible
until she has reached puberty.
18. That she be an orphan, in which case marrying
her is not permissible until she reaches the age of puberty.
19. That she be one of the
widowed wives of the Messenger* of God or one with whom he has mated, for they
are regarded as mothers of the believers; that [restriction] is not applicable
in our [al-Ghazali's] time. These are the prohibitive hindrances.
[QUALITIES CONDUCIVE
TO A HAPPY CONJUGAL LIFE]
There are eight qualities
which render a conjugal life happy and which must be sought in the woman in
order to assure the perpetuity of the marriage: piety, good character, beauty,
a small dowry, ability to bear children, virginity, [good] lineage, and she
should not be a close relative.
[Piety]
That she should
be virtuous and religious is the most fundamental requisite, and to that end
[special] care must be taken. For, if her religious principles are too weak to
give her the strength to be virtuous and constant,19 she will
humiliate her husband, disgrace him among people, trouble his heart with
jealousy, and thereby render his life miserable. Should he succumb to passion
and jealousy, he would remain in trial and tribulation. Should he, on the other
hand, follow the path of permissiveness, he would be apathetic toward his
religion and honor and would be guilty of lacking zeal and pride. Also, if she
is beautiful but corrupt, she will be the cause of greater tribulation; for
then it becomes difficult for the husband to separate from her: Thus he is
neither able to renounce her nor to endure her. His position is like that of
one who came to the Prophet* and said, 0 Messenger of God, I have a wife who
cannot turn back a touching hand. The Prophet said, Divorce her; to which he
replied, I love her. The Prophet responded, Then, keep her. The Prophet
commanded him to hold onto her, for if he divorces her he would yearn for her
and become corrupt like her. Seeing that the man's heart was in anguish, he
[the Prophet] considered it preferable for him to continue his marriage and
thus safeguard himself against corruption. If her faith be corrupted in
squandering his possessions or in some other respect, he will remain in misery.
[However,] if he remains silent and does not denounce [her deeds], he becomes a
partaker of her transgression and a violator of the Almighty's command: Ward
off from yourselves and your families a Fire. If he, on the other hand, denies
and disputes [her ways],, he will be miserable throughout his life.
For that reason, the
Messenger* of God took pains in encouraging people to adhere to the faith
saying, A woman may be married either for her possessions, her beauty, her
reputation, or her religion; for if you do marry other than a religious woman,
may your hands be rubbed with dirt [taribat yadak].21 Another
hadith states: He who marries a woman for her possessions and beauty loses
both her beauty and her possessions; [but] he who marries her for the sake of
her faith will be blessed by God with her possessions and her beauty.22
The Prophet* also said, A woman should not be married [only] for her beauty,
because her beauty may destroy her; neither for her wealth, as this may make
her tyrannical; [rather] marry the woman for her religious faith.23
He emphatically recommended religious faith, because such a woman would
bolster up the [husband's] faith. If she is not pious, she will be an element
of distraction and of trouble in her husband's religion.
[Good Character]
Good character is the second
quality. It is an important requisite in the search for emptying the heart and
in the pursuit of favorable surroundings for religion. For if she is vicious,
ill-tongued, ill-mannered, and ungrateful, more harm than good will come from
her. Toleration of a woman's tongue would try the saints. An Arab said, Do not
marry one of the following six types of women: an 'annanah [hypochondriac], a mannanah [upbraider], a hannanah [yearner], a hiddaqah [coveter], a barraqah (narcissist], or a shaddaqah [prattler]. The 'annanah is one who excessively moans,
complains, and [always] wraps her head.
Marrying a constantly ill [woman] or one who feigns
illness is of no avail. The mannanah is one who is constantly
needling her husband by saying, I did such and such for you. The hannanah is one who yearns after a previous husband or after her offspring from
some other husband. This, too, is among the things to be avoided. The hiddaqah is one who looks at everything, covets it, and forces her husband to buy
it. The barraqah can be one of two: (a) one who spends the
whole day fixing her face or making it up and beautifying it in order to give
it a lustre, or (b) one who becomes angry at mealtime, thus eating only by
herself and singling out her share from everything. A Yemeni expression which
is appropriately used for a woman, or a child, who is not satisfied with the
food given to her [or him], is Baraqat al-mar 'atu wa
baraqa'l-sabiyyu al-ta'ama, that is, to become angry at mealtime. Al-shaddaqah is one who prattles a great deal; in this context the Prophet* said,
Almighty God detests the loudmouthed prattler. 25
It is related that the Azdi
traveler, during his journey, met Elias* [the prophet] who ordered him to get
married and discouraged him from celibacy. He then said, Don't marry any of
the following four types: a mukhlali'ah [divorce-minded], a mubariyah [boaster], an 'ahirah [harlot], or a nashiz [conceited]. Al-mukhlali'ah is one who asks for the divorce
(khul') every hour for no reason;27
al-mubariyah is one who boasts of the superiority of another
and is proud of her worldly advantages, and al'ahirah is a loose woman who is known
to have lovers and intimate companions. To her the Almighty referred when He
said, nor of loose conduct [Quran
4:25]. Al-nashiz is one who adopts a haughty
attitude toward her husband in deed and word: the word nashaz28 designates that which is
elevated above the ground.
'Ali* used to
say, The worst characteristics of men constitute the best characteristics of
women; namely, stinginess, pride, and cowardice. For if the woman is stingy,
she will preserve her own and her husband's possessions; if she is proud, she
will refrain from addressing loose and improper words to everyone; and if she
is cowardly, she will dread everything and will therefore not go out of her
house and will avoid compromising situations for fear of her husband. These
accounts indicate the sum total of the good qualities sought in marriage.
[Beauty]
The third, beauty of face,
is desired because through it fortification is attained. For [a man's] natural
disposition is generally not contented with an ugly woman, [even] when good
character and physical beauty are often inseparable. What we have transmitted
is encouragement to look for a pious woman and not marry one for her beauty,
which does not discourage the cherishing of beauty, but rather discourages
marrying a woman for her beauty alone [while she be] corrupt in religion.
Beauty, per se, oftentimes makes marriage desirable and detracts from the
importance of religion. Indicative of the regard given to beauty is the fact
that closeness and love are often realized through it. For that reason the
Shari'ah cats enjoined the safeguarding of the means to intimacy,
and seeing [the woman] before marriage was deemed desirable.
The Prophet said, If God should
incline the heart of one of you toward a woman, let him look at her, for it
will bring them closer together. That is to say, it will cause them to be
closer to each other like the closeness of the epidermis to the endodermis,
which is the inner skin [as opposed to] the epidermis [which] is the outer
skin. He mentions that only to stress the degree of closeness. The Prophet*
said, There is something in the eyes of the Ansar;31 therefore, if
one of you wishes to marry one of their women, let him look at them.32
It was said [in effect] that those women were blear-eyed. It was also said,
small-eyed.
Some God-fearing men would
not marry off their daughters until they are seen as a precaution against
delusion. AlA'mash33 said, Every marriage occurring without
looking ends in worry and sadness. It is obvious that looking does not reveal
character, religion, or wealth; rather, it distinguishes beauty from ugliness.
It was related that during
the time of 'Umar* a man got married. The man had colored his hair and the
dyestuff had faded. The woman's family complained to 'Umar saying, We thought
he was a young man. 'Umar beat him excessively and
said, You have deceived the people. It is related
that Bilal and Suhayb came to a bedouin household and asked to marry their
daughters. They were asked: Who are you? Bilal said, I am Bilal and this is
my brother, Suhayb. We were misguided, but God has directed us; we were
enslaved, but God freed us; we were dependent [on others], but God has made us
independent; if you should give us wives, then thanks be to God; and if you
should turn us away, then praise be to God. They [the household] answered,
Rather, you will marry, and thanks be to God. Suhayb said to Bilal,34
Would that you had mentioned our association and dealings with the Messenger*
of God. He replied, Be quiet. I spoke the truth and the truth will get you
married.
One may be deceived both in beauty and in character; therefore it is desirable to avoid deception in beauty by looking, and [deception] in character by description and inquiry. It is desirable that this precede marriage. A description of her character and beauty should not be sought from any but one who is keen, who is truthful, who is well versed in the apparent and the hidden [qualities], who is not predisposed toward her lest he should praise her too much, and who does not envy her lest he should not praise her enough. In stating the basis for marriage and in describing the would-be wives, the natural disposition leans toward exaggeration and excessiveness. Few are the ones who are truthful and are inclined to modesty; rather, deception and enticement often predominate. Caution, therefore, is important for one who would guard himself against longing for a woman other than his wife.
As for the man whose purpose
in having a wife is mere observation of the sunna, bearing children, or caring
for the house, should he renounce beauty, he would draw nearer to asceticism;
because seeking beauty, in short, is a wordly interest even though in the case
of some individuals [it] may be an aid to religion.
Abu Sulayman al-Darani said, Indifference
(zuhd) [to worldly interests may be]
in anything, even in women. Thus a man [might] marry an old woman because he
has preferred to renounce worldly delights. Malik b. Dinar*35 used
to say, Many a man among you would refrain from marrying an orphan, whose
feeding and clothing would cost little and who would be easily satisfied, thus
gaining merit [before God]. Rather, he would marry the daughter of so and so-meaning prominent people-who
would make many demands of him saying, `Clothe me with such and such.' Ahmad
b. Hanbal preferred a one-eyed [woman] over her sister who was beautiful. For
he asked: Who is the better behaved of the two? He was told: The one-eyed.
He replied: Give her to me in marriage. Such is the constant endeavor of one
who does not seek [mere] sensual pleasures. If someone cannot secure his faith
without a source of pleasure, then let him seek beauty because enjoyment of what
is lawful strengthens faith.
It has been said that if a
woman is beautiful, of good character, with black eyes and hair, large eyes,
white complexion, loves her husband, and has an eye to no other man, she is in
the image of the houris [hawar].36 For
Almighty God has ascribed to the women of paradise this description in the
verse, the good and beautiful [Quran
60:70] (by good He meant those enjoying good manners); in the verse
of modest gaze [37:48]; and in the verse lovers ('urub), friends [56:37]. (By
lovers, He means someone who is in love with her husband and desirous of
seducing him so as to complete her pleasure. By al-hawar, He meant whiteness; al-hawra' is a woman with intense whiteness of the sclera, profound blackness of the
eyes matching the profound blackness of the hair, and big, wide[-set] eyes.)
The Prophet* said, The best
of your women is one who pleases her husband when he looks at her, who obeys
him when he commands her, and guards his memory and his possessions when he is
absent.37 Her husband will be delighted to look at her if she loves
him.
[Dowry]
The fourth quality is that
her dowry should be small. The Messenger* of God declared that The best women
are those whose faces are the most beautiful and whose dowries are the
smallest.38 He enjoined against excessiveness in dowries. The
Messenger* of God married one of his wives for a dowry
of ten dirhams40
and household furnishings that consisted of a hand mill, a jug, a pillow made
of skin stuffed with palm fibers, and a stone ('iliyy);42 in the case of another, he feasted with two measures43 of
barley; and for another, with two measures of dates and two of mush (sawiq).45
'Umar* [also] used to enjoin
against excessive dowries and used to say, In getting married and in marrying
of his daughters, the Messenger* of God never spent more than 400 dirhams.
If paying excessive dowries for women were a virtue, the Messenger* of God
would have been the first to do so. One of the companions of the Messenger* of
God was married for a date-pit of gold equal to five dirhams .47 Sa'aid
b. al-Musayyab married his daughter to Abu Hurayrah* for two dirhams. He then
took her personally to him by night, let her in through the door, then
departed. Seven days later, he came back and greeted her. Even if he [Sa'id]
had married for ten dirhams to be different from the rest of the ulema, there
would be nothing wrong with his act.
A khabar states that a woman's
blessing is in marrying and in bearing children quickly, '14' and
in the reasonableness of her dowry. 114' He also said, The most
blessed among them are the ones with the smallest dowries.50
Just as it is
undesirable for the woman's dowry to be excessive, it is undesirable for the
man to ask about the possessions of the woman. Marriage should never be
motivated by avidity for wealth. Al-Thawri51 said, Should one marry
and ask `What does the woman possess?' know ye that he is a thief; and should a
person give them a present, it should not be with the purpose of forcing them
to reciprocate with more; likewise, should they give him a present, the
expectation of receiving more [than they gave] is immoral. Exchanging gifts is
desirable, and results in friendship. The Prophet* said, If you exchange
gifts, you will love each other.52 As pertains to seeking more, it
is included in the words of the Almighty: And show not favor, seeking worldly
gain [Quran 74:6], that is to
say, give [not] in order to receive more; also in the Almighty's words: That
which ye give in usury in order that it may increase on (other) people's property
[30:39], for usurious interest is the increase, and that [giving a gift] is an
attempt to increase the principal, though it is not usurious. All such attempts
are detested and are regarded as heretical in marriage. For they resemble
trading and gambling, and their aim corrupts marriage.
[Childbearing]
The fifth quality is that
the woman be able to bear children. Should she be known to be barren, then one
should avoid marrying her. The Prophet* said, Marry the loving child-bearer;53
if she has no husband and her affairs are not known, the decision should be
based on her health and her youth for, given these two qualities, she will most
likely be capable of bearing children.
[Virginity]
The sixth quality is that
she should be a virgin. The Prophet* said to Jabir, who had married an unwed
deflowered woman, Would that she were a virgin so you could daily with her and
she with you.54 Virginity has three advantages:
(a) First, the virgin will
love the husband and feel close to him, which will favorably influence their
conjugal attachment. The Prophet* said, Marry the loving (woman); for the
natural disposition is to be attached to the first mate with whom one has had
intimate relations. On the other hand, a woman who has experienced men and life
may not be satisfied with some of the qualities that differ from those she is
accustomed to, and may, therefore, loathe the husband.
(b) Second, it engenders a
greater measure of his love for her, as it is a man's nature to be somewhat
repelled by a woman who has been touched by another husband; that would contradict
[a man's] nature regardless of what might be said [to the contrary]. Certain
natures find it more repulsive than others.
(c) Third, the virgin does
not yearn after the first husband, because, in general, the surest55
love is that which is engendered with the first loved one.
[Good Lineage]
The seventh quality is that
the wife should be of good lineage, that is to say, she should come from a
religious and righteous background, because she will bring up her daughters
and sons. If she is not well bred, she will not be able to raise her children
well. For that reason the Prophet* said, Beware of the green dung (khadra' al-diman).56 It was asked, What is the
green dung? He said, The beautiful woman with an evil origin.57
The Prophet* said, Exercise care in choosing [wives] for your sperm, for a
hereditary quality is wont to return.
[Not a Close Relative]
The eighth
quality is that she should not be a close relative, as that would lessen
desire. The Prophet* said, Don't marry close relatives for then the child is
born scrawny;59 that is to say, weak; such is the weakening effect
it [marrying close relatives] has on desire. For desire is excited by the deep
emotions which result from sight and touch; emotions are strengthened by
whatever is unfamiliar and new. On the other hand, what is familiar and seen
continuously renders the faculties incapable of fully appreciating it [desire],
being affected by it, or becoming aroused through it. These are the qualities
desired in women.
[INQUIRY INTO THE HUSBAND'S CHARACTER]
It is incumbent
upon the guardian also to examine the qualities of the husband and to look
after his daughter so as not to give her in marriage to one who is ugly,
ill-mannered, weak in faith, negligent in upholding her rights, or unequal to
her in descent. The Prophet* has said, Marriage is enslavement; let one,
therefore, be careful in whose hands he places his daughter. Exercising caution
on her behalf is important, because she becomes a slave by the marriage and
cannot be freed from it, while the husband is able to obtain divorce at all
times. Whoever gives his daughter in marriage to a person who is unjust,
licentious, heretical, or an inebriate commits a crime against his religion and
exposes himself to the wrath of God for having severed his parental tie by
having made a bad choice. A man said to al-Hasan,61 A number of
suitors have asked for my daughter's hand in marriage; to whom should I give
her? He replied, To the one who fears God; because if he loves her, he will
be kind to her; and if he hates her, he will not wrong her. The Prophet* said,
Whoever gives his daughter in marriage to a licentious man has betrayed her womb.
CHAPTER THREE
Etiquette of Cohabitation,
What Should Take Place
During the Marriage, and the
Obligations of Husband and
Wife
FIRST PART OF THIS CHAPTER
Etiquette of Cohabitation
[OBLIGATIONS INCUMBENT UPON
THE HUSBAND]
As for the husband, he is obligated to observe
moderation and good manners in twelve matters: feasting, cohabitation, dallying,
exercising authority, jealousy, support, teaching, apportionment, politeness
at times of discord, intimate relations, producing children, and separation
through divorce.
[Feasting]
The first etiquette is
feasting, and that is desirable. Anas* said, The Prophet* of God saw a trace
of paleness in the face of 'Abd al-Rahman b. 'Awf* and said 'What is this?' To
which he replied, `I married a woman for a date-pit of gold.' The Prophet
replied, `May God bless her for you. Have a feast, even with a sheep. The
Prophet of God feasted for Safiyyah2 with dates and sawiq. ' The Prophet* said, The food of the first day is an obligation; of the
second, a sunna; and of the third, a [cause for good] reputation; he who
spreads the news is made known by God.' Only Ziyad b. 'Abdullah mentions it as
being gharib.5
It is desirable to
congratulate him [the husband]; thus one who enters [the house of] the husband
should say, May God bless you and yours and bring you together in
prosperity.' Abu Hurayrah* recounted that the Prophet* made it a command.
The publicizing
of marriage is desirable. The Prophet said, The separator of the lawful and
unlawful [in marriage] is the tambourine and the voice.' He also said, Make
known this marriage, perform it in the mosques, and celebrate it with the
beating of tambourines.' It is related that al-Rubayyi', the daughter of
Mu'awwidh, said, The Prophet* came and entered upon me the morning that my
marriage was consummated. He sat on my bed while some of our young girls were
beating their tambourines for us and lamenting those of my forefathers who had
been killed, until one of them said, 'and among us there is a prophet who knows
what the morrow holds,' to which he replied, 'Don't say this and say only what
you were saying before.' 9
[Conjugal Harmony)
The second etiquette: good
conduct with them [wives] and tolerating offense from them out of pity for
their mental deficiencies. Almighty God declared, But consort with them in
kindness [Quran 4:19]. He also
said in upholding their rights, And they have taken a strong pledge from you
[4:21]. He [God] also said, And what your right hands (possess) [4:36
('Ali)].10 Some say that [the verse] refers to women.
The last commandments that
the Prophet* left were three, which he continued to utter until he stammered
and his words became incomprehensible. He kept saying: Pray, pray! Do not
impose upon your slaves that which you could not support. Fear God; fear God as
concerns your women for they are like putty in your hands, that is, captives.
You have taken them as a trust from God, and intimate relations with them was
made lawful through the word of God.
The Prophet* also said, If
a man is tolerant of his wife's bad manners, God will grant him the same
recompense that He granted Job for his affliction; whoever tolerates the bad
manners of her husband, will be granted by God the same recompense13
that was granted to Asiyah the wife of Pharaoh. Know ye that good conduct
with her does not mean not harming her, but rather enduring harm from her and
forbearance in the face of her fickleness and anger in emulation of the
Prophet*; for his wives used to talk back to him, and on occasion one would
leave him for the whole night.
'Umar's wife talked back to him and he said to her,
Do you talk back to me, 0 foolish woman? And she said, The wives
of the Prophet talk back to
him and he is better than you.' To which 'Umar retorted, How inappropriate of
Hafsah to talk back to him! Then he said to Hafsah, Don't be deceived [by
the conduct] of the daughter ['A'ishah] of Ibn Abi Quhafah [sic], for she is
the dearest of the Prophet's wives; and he warned her against talking back.
It was also related that one
wife hit the Prophet* in the chest, so her mother scolded her. The Prophet*
said, Leave her alone; they [wives] do worse than that. He and 'A'ishah got
into an argument to the point that Abu Bakr was called upon to arbitrate, and
the Prophet took him as a witness. So the Prophet* said to her, Are you going
to talk, or shall l? She replied, You talk, but say only the truth. Abu Bakr
struck her until her mouth bled, and said to her, 0 enemy of yourself, does he
utter anything but the truth? So she took refuge with the Prophet* and sat
behind him. The Prophet* then told him, you were not called for this, nor did
we desire this of you.20 She told him once in anger, And you are
the one who claims to be the Prophet of God! So the Prophet* smiled and bore
that out of forbearance and kindness. He used to say to her, I know when you
are angry and when you are pleased. To which she replied, And how do you know
it? He said, When you are pleased, you say 'No, by the God of Muhammad'; and when
you are angry you say, 'No, by the God of Abraham.' She said, You are right;
I leave your name out.22 It is said that the first love that took
place in Islam was the love of the Prophet* for 'A'ishah* 23 He used
to say to her, I am to you like Abu Zar' vis-à-vis Umm Zar'; however, I won't
divorce you.24 He used to say to his wives, Don't talk ill of
'A'ishah to me for, by God, I have not received revelation under the cover of
any of you but [rather under] hers.25 Anas* used to say that the
Prophet* was the kindest of all people toward women and children.'
[Toleration of
Wives]
The third: Dalliance, jesting, and playfulness add to
the toleration of offense; for these delight the hearts of women. The Prophet*
used to joke with them and lower himself to the level of their minds in deeds
and manners, to the extent that it was related that he* used to race 'A'ishah;
she won once and he won several times, so he* said, Now we're even.27
In a khabar it is related that he*
was one of the merriest with his wives.28 'A'ishah [once] said, I
heard the voices of some Ethiopians and others playing on the day of 'Ashura'. 28 The Prophet*
asked me, 'Do you wish to see them play?' I said, 'Yes.' He sent after them and
they came. The Messenger* of God stood between the two doors, placed his palm
on the door and extended his arm; I leaned with my chin against his arm. They
began to play, and I looked on. The Prophet* kept saying, 'That's enough (hasbuki)'; and I would say, 'Be quiet,'
twice or three times. Then he said, ''A'ishah, that's enough!' So I said,
'Yes.' He pointed to them and they departed.30
The Prophet* of God said,
the most perfect of believers in faith are those who are the finest in manners
and most gentle toward their wives. He said, The best among you are the most
charitable toward their wives, and I am the best among you toward my wives.
In spite of his harshness, 'Umar* said, It is necessary that a man be like a
child in his family;33 but if they seek what he possesses, he should
be found a man.' Luqman* said, A wise man should be like a child in his
family, and when he is in public, he should be found a man. In a commentary
on the related khabar, [it is stated that] God
detests the ja'zari al jawwaz;35 that
is, one who is harsh toward his family and who is arrogant. The same
explanation has been offered for the term 'utul used by Almighty God
[Quran 68:13]: for it has been
said that 'utul designates one who has a harsh tongue and who is
cruel toward his family.
The Prophet* said to Jabir, Would that she were a
virgin, so you could dally with her and she with you.
[Asserting Authority]
The Fourth: not so to
indulge in dalliance, good manners, and conformity in following her whims that
he would corrupt her manners and lose respect altogether in her eyes. Rather,
he should observe moderation, never abandon dignity and seriousness no matter
how much evil he sees, nor open the door to abetting abomination; rather,
whenever he sees an act which violates divine legislation and manliness (muru'ah),37 he should
become resentful and angry. Al-Hasan said, Verily
whoever obeys the whims of his wife will be cast by God into the Fire. 'Umar
said, Disagree with your wives, because disagreement with them is a blessing.
It was also said, Consult them, then disagree with them.
The Prophet* said,
Miserable is he who is a slave to his wife.38 He said so because
if the husband obeys her whims, he becomes her slave and thereby miserable; for
God made him possessor over the woman but if he makes her possessor of himself,
he reverses the order of things, overturns the matter, and obeys Satan when he
said, and surely I will command them and they will change Allah's creation
[Quran 4:119]. It is a man's
right to be followed, not to be a follower. God has appointed men as trustees
over women, and has called the husband master; and the Lord has said, and
they met her lord and master at the door [Quran 12:25]. For if the master is transformed into a slave, then
he has exchanged God's grace for thanklessness. The woman's behavior depends
on you: If you slacken her reins a little, she will run off for a long
distance; should you loosen
the
harness a span (fitr),40 she
will take a cubit (dhira');41 but
if
you
restrain her and treat her firmly where firmness is called for, you will be her
master.
Al-Shafi'i* said, There are three who
will insult you if you honor them: the woman, the servant, and the Nabataean.42
He was referring to pure kindness and not harshness mixed with compliance, or
coarseness with gentleness.
Arab women used to teach
their daughters [how] to test their husbands. One would say to her daughter,
Test your husband before taking a step and before showing boldness toward him.
Remove the edge of his spear; should he remain quiet, hack bones with his
sword; and if he should still be quiet, then put the saddle on his back and
ride him, for he is your donkey. At any rate, it is with justice that the
heavens and the earth are upheld; whatever exceeds its limits turns into its opposite.
For that reason it is
necessary to follow the path of moderation both in disagreement and in
agreement, and to follow the truth in it all, so as to be safe from their
[women's] evil; because their scheming is great,43 their evil is
widespread; their predominant characteristics are bad manners and weak minds,
and this cannot be set straight except through a certain amount of kindness
mixed with diplomacy. The Prophet* said, A virtuous woman amongst women is
like an a`sam among a hundred crows;44 an a'sam is a [rare] white-footed crow.
In the will of Luqman to his
son [it is stated]: My son, beware of the evil woman, for she will age you
before your time; and beware of the evils of women, as they do not encourage
good deeds; and be very careful of the better ones among them. The Prophet*
said, Beware of the three causes of poverty,45 and among them he
listed the evil woman for she is the one who ages a man before his time. In
other words, If you come to her, she will curse you; and if you are away from
her, she will be unfaithful to you. The Prophet* said concerning the best of
women, If [only] you were the companions of Joseph;48 that is,
turning Abu Bakr away from prayer indicates that, on your part, you have
ignored the truth and turned to pleasure. Almighty God said when they [women]
revealed the secret of the Prophet,*47 If you two turn in
repentance to Him, your hearts are indeed so inclined [Quran 66:4 ('Ali)];48 that is, so
disposed. He [God] said that about the best of the Prophet's* wives. The
Prophet* said, No people dominated by a woman can succeed. 'Umar scolded his
wife when she talked back to him saying, You are no more than a toy in a
corner of the house; if we have need of you [we take you], otherwise, you sit
as you are.
Thus there is evil and
weakness in them [women]; while diplomacy and harshness are a cure for evil,
consolation and mercy are the cure for weakness. The skillful doctor is one who
can estimate the amount of cure needed for the ailment; so let the man first
know her character through experience, then let him deal with her in a manner
that will set her straight in accordance with her state.
(Jealousy]
The fifth:
moderation in jealousy; which means that one should not overlook preliminaries
whose consequences may be undesirable, and should not go to extremes in
misjudging, in acting adversely, or in spying upon concealed matters.
The Prophet* of
God enjoined against seeking out the faults of women51-that is,
against unexpectedly coming upon women. When the Prophet* returned from a
journey, he said before entering [the city of] Medina, Don't come upon your
wives at night. Two men disagreed with him and went ahead [of the rest], and
each saw in his home what he detested. In a famous khabar [it is stated]: A woman is
like a rib: if you [attempt to] straighten it, you break it; leave it alone
and enjoy it in spite of its crookedness. This refers to rectifying her character.
The Prophet* said, There is
a type of jealousy which God detests, and that is the unjustifiable jealousy of
a man over his wife when there is no justification [for suspicion]54
because that suspicion we have decreed against. Certain [types of] suspicion
are sinful. 'Ali* said, Do not indulge excessively in showing jealousy over
your wife lest she be accused of evil behavior because of you.
However, jealousy in its
proper place is both necessary and commendable. The Prophet* said: Almighty
God experiences jealousy, and the believer experiences jealousy as well;
Almighty God's jealousy stems from the believer's perpetration of what God has
enjoined against.55 The Prophet* said, Do you marvel at the
jealousy of Sa'd?56 By God, I am more jealous than he, and God is
more jealous than L57 Because of Almighty God's jealousy, He has
prohibited abominations, whether manifest or hidden. Forgiveness is dearer to
none than to God; for that reason He has sent warners and preachers. And praise
is dearer to none than to God; for that reason He has promised Paradise.
The Messenger*
of God said, I saw on the night [Mi'raj] [that] I was taken through
Paradise (laylata usriya bi fi al-jannah) a mansion and a maid in its
courtyard; I inquired, 'To whom does this mansion belong?' and I was told, 'To
'Umar.' I wanted to look at her, but I remembered, 0 'Umar, your jealousy.
'Umar wept and said, Would I be jealous because of you, 0 Messenger of God?58
Al-Hasan used to
say, Do you call upon your wives to jostle uncouth men in the market places?
May God curse those who are not jealous.
The Prophet* said, God
favors certain types of jealousy and detests others; He favors certain types of
pride and detests others. As for the jealousy which God loves, it is jealousy
which results from just suspicion; and the jealousy that God detests is that
which results from unfounded [suspicion]. The pride which God favors is that
which a man has in battle and in the face of difficulties; and the pride that
God detests is pride in falsehood.59 The Prophet* said, I am
indeed a jealous man and none is free from jealousy save one whose heart is degenerate.
The only way to avoid jealousy is by having no man enter upon her and by
preventing her from going into the marketplaces.
The Prophet* asked his
daughter Fatimah,* What is best for a woman? She replied, That she should
see no man, and that no man should see her. So he hugged her and said they
were descendants one of another [Quran
3:33].81 Thus he was pleased with her answer.
The companions of the
Prophet* used to close peepholes and perforations in the wall to prevent women
from looking at men. Mu'adh [b. Jabal] saw his wife looking through a peephole,
and he struck her; he also saw her giving an apple to his male slave from which
she had eaten, and he struck her again.
'Umar* said, Strip the
women of their [beautiful] clothes and they will stay in their rooms. He said
so because they [women] do not desire to go out in worn clothes. He also said,
Accustom your women to 'No!'
The Prophet* permitted women
to go to the mosques;62 the appropriate thing now, however, is to
prevent them [from doing so], except for the old [ones]. Indeed such
[prevention] was deemed proper during the days of the companions; 'A'ishah*
declared, If the Prophet only knew of the misdeeds that women would bring
about after his time, he would have prevented them from going out. When the
son of 'Umar quoted the words of the Prophet,* Do not prevent the bondwomen of
God from going to the mosques of God, one of his sons replied, Yes, by God,
we will prevent them. So he struck him and was irate with him, saying, You
hear me say that the Prophet of God said, 'Do not prevent [them],' and you say,
'Yes [we will]?' The
dared to disagree because he knew that times had
changed, and the father was angry with him for openly expressing disagreement
without giving the reason. The Prophet* also permitted them [women] to go out
especially during feasts;65 but they could not go out without the
approval of their husbands.
Nowadays, it is permissible
for a chaste woman to go out with the permission of her husband; however,
remaining [at home] is safer. She should not go out except for an important
purpose; going out for the sake of looking [about] and for unimportant matters
detracts from virtue and may lead to corruption., If she goes out, she must
avoid looking at men. We are not saying that the man's face is shameful for her
to look at as is the woman's face for him. Rather, it is for her like the face
of the beardless boy which a man should be prevented from seeing when sight may
result in evil; when evil is not likely to result, sight should not be
prevented. For men throughout the ages have had unveiled faces while women go
out veiled; if their faces were shameful for women to look at, men would have
been commanded to be veiled or prevented from going out except for a necessary
purpose.
[Support of the Woman]
The sixth: moderation in
spending. One should not be stingy toward them nor should he be extravagant;
rather he should be moderate. The Almighty said, and eat and drink but exceed
not the bounds [Quran 7:31
(Ali)]. He also said, And let not thy hand be chained to thy neck nor open it
with a complete opening [17:29].87 The Messenger* of God said, The
most favored among you is the one who is most generous toward his wife. The
Prophet* also said, A dinar spent for the sake of God, a dinar spent for
ransoming a slave, a dinar offered [as charity] to a poor man, and a dinar
spent on your wife -the one that earns you the greatest reward is the one spent
on
your wife.69
It was related that 'Ali* had four wives
and that he used to buy every four days a dirham's worth of meat for each.
Al-Hasan* said, Some men spent plenty, but when it came to furnishings and
clothes they were tight. Ibn Sirin* said, It is desirable that a man prepare faludhajah (pastry) every week for his
wife; for even though sweet foods are not among the necessary things, to
completely omit them is a stingy practice.
It is desirable that he
should order her to offer as charity whatever food remains [after the meal] and
whatever would spoil if kept. This is the least thing to do as far as charity
is concerned. The wife has the right to do this as circumstances dictate
without specific permission from the husband.
He should not keep to
himself, to the exclusion of his family, a delectable food. Not feeding them of
it would incite malice and render it difficult to have a harmonious
relationship. If he decides to withhold it [from them], let him eat in
seclusion so that his family does not know about it; nor should he describe to
them food which he does not intend to give them.
When he eats, let the whole
family sit at his table; for Sufyan* [al-Thawri] said,, We have been told that God and His angels invoke
prayers on the members of the household who eat together.
The most important thing for
the husband to observe in spending is to feed the family from what is gained
lawfully and not to pursue evil endeavors for their sake, as that constitutes a
crime against them rather than upholding their rights. We have already
mentioned the pertinent akhabar when talking about the
disadvantages of marriage.
[Instruction
Concerning Menstruation]
The seventh: that the
married man should know enough about the matter of menstruation to enable him
to take necessary precautions; he also should teach his wife the rules of
prayer: which prayers should be performed during menstruation and which should
not. He has been commanded to safeguard her against the [hell]Fire according
to the words of the Almighty, Ward off from yourselves and your families a
Fire [Quran 66:6].
It is incumbent upon the husband to teach her the
proper beliefs of the followers of the sunna, to remove from her heart
every
innovation should she lend an ear to it, and to make her fear God should she be
lax in matters of religion.
The husband should also
teach her the precepts governing menstruation and irregular menstrual flow, and
the taking of precautionary measures. The information on menstruation is
lengthy, but what a woman must be taught concerning menstruation are the
prayers she should perform. If the blood stops shortly before the sunset (maghrib) by [the end of] one prostration, then it is incumbent upon her to
perform the noon (zuhr) and the afternoon ('asr) prayers; if it stops before morning by [the end of] one rak'ah then she should perform the maghrib and 'isha . 72 This
is the least that the women ought to observe.
If the husband is diligent
in teaching her, she will not have to go out and ask the ulema about it. If the
husband's knowledge does not encompass such matters, and if he should ask on
her behalf, conveying to her the information from the mufti, then there is no
need for her to go out. Otherwise, she has the right to go out and ask; in
fact, she is obligated to do so, and the husband would be in defiance should he
prevent her. No matter how much she learns about her obligations, she should
not go out to attend a dhikr73 nor
to receive instruction in superfluous knowledge without the consent of her
husband.
Whenever a woman neglects one
of the obligations imposed upon her by menstruation and irregular menstrual
flow, and the husband does not teach her [concerning these matters], he, too,
becomes her partner in sin.
[Equality Among Wives]
The eighth: If he has several wives, then he should
deal equitably with them and not favor one over the other; should he go on a
journey and desire to have one [of his wives] accompany him, he should cast
lots (aqra') among them,74
for such was the practice of the Messenger*. If he cheats a woman of her night,
he should make up for it, for making up for it is a duty upon him. For that
reason it becomes necessary for him to learn the rules of apportionment which
would take a long time to explain here. The Messenger* of God said, Whosoever
has two wives and favors one over the other-that is to say, does not deal
equitably between them-he comes to the Day of judgment bent to one
side.75
He should be equitable in
giving and in cohabiting at night. As concerns love and intimate relations,
these do not come under the rubric of choice. Almighty God has declared, Ye
will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to
do so) [Quran 4:129]; that is to
say, you cannot deal equally with regard to the desires of the heart and the
preferences of the soul from which stems inequality in intimate relations.
The Messenger* used to be equitable to his wives in giving and cohabiting at
night saying, 0 Lord, this is the limit of my ability within my means, I have
no access to that which You possess and I do not have, by which he meant
love. He loved 'A'ishah* most,77 and the rest of his wives knew
that. During his [last] illness, he was carried every day and every night in
order to spend a night with each one of his wives. He would say, Where am I
supposed to be tomorrow? So one of his wives saw through his question and
said, He is asking for the day with 'A'ishah. So they [his wives] said, 0
Messenger of God, we permit you to stay at 'A'ishah's house, because it is
difficult for you to be carried every night. He replied, Are you agreeable to
that? They replied, Yes, so he said, Take me then to 'A'ishah's house.78
Whenever one wife grants her
night to another with the husband's consent, the second wife gains the right to
that night. The Prophet* used to allot time among his wives. He wanted to
divorce Sawdah, the daughter of Zam'ah, when she became old, so she granted her
night to 'A'ishah and asked him to keep her in order that she [Sawdah] might
remain in the circle of his wives. He left her and did not apportion for her;
rather, he apportioned two nights for 'A'ishah and one night each for the rest
of his wives .1179
On account of his* fair
justice and virility, whenever he. desired one of his wives whose turn was not
due and had intercourse with her, he would then visit during the same day or
night the rest of his wives. It has been related that 'A'ishah* said the
Messenger* of God visited all of his wives in one night.80 Anas also
related that he* visited all nine wives in one morning.
[Insubordination of the Wife]
The ninth: as pertains to
discord (nushuz)82 and
whatever dissension takes place between them that cannot be reconciled. If it
should ensue from both sides or from the husband, and the wife wants to
dominate the husband, and if it is not possible for him to set her straight,
then two arbitrators should be called representing each of the two families
[husband's and wife's] to look into the matter and to reconcile them. If they
desire amendment [reconciliation], Allah will make them of one
mind[Quran 4:35]. 'Umar sent an
arbitrator to a couple, but he returned without succeeding in reconciling them;
whereupon he ['Umar] beat him saying, Almighty God says, 'If they desire
amendment [reconciliation], Allah will make them of one mind.' So the man
returned and with [good] intention[s] and gentleness toward them, he reconciled
them.
However, if the discord is the woman's fault, it is
the husband's right to chastise and induce her forcibly to obey, since men are
guardians over women. Likewise, should she be remiss in performing her prayers,
it is his right to force her to perform them. However, he should chastise her
gradually: That is to say, first he should preach, then warn, then threaten;
should he not succeed, he should turn his back to her in bed, sleep in another
bed, or avoid her-while still remaining in the house-from one night up to
three. Should all of this fail, then he should beat her but not excessively,
that is, to the point that he would inflict only pain but without breaking a
bone or causing her to bleed. He should not strike her face for that is
forbidden.
The Messenger* of God was asked, What rights can a
woman claim from a man? He replied, To feed her when he eats, to clothe her
when he is clothed, [but] not to be insolent or beat her excessively. He is to
avoid her only in cohabitation [that is, desert her bed].83 He can
be angry with her and avoid her over matters of religion up to ten or twenty
[days], or up to a month; the Prophet* did so to Zaynab when he sent her a
present and she returned it to him. The wife at whose house he was staying said
to him, She has insulted you by returning your presents,84 that is
to say, she has humiliated and belittled you. The Prophet* replied, You
[wives] are too despicable in the sight of God to insult me! Whereupon he
became angry with all of them for a month, then returned to them.
(Etiquette of Intimate
Relations]
The tenth: on the etiquette
of intimate relations. It is desirable that it should commence in the name of
God and with the [following] recitation: Say, He is God, the One and Only
[Quran 112:1]; then he should
glorify (takbir) and exalt (tahlil)85 His
name saying, In the name of God, Most High, Most Great; 0 God, cause it to be
a good progeny if you cause it to issue forth from my loins. The Prophet*
said, If one of you say when he comes upon his wife, '0 God, avert the devil
from me and avert the devil from what You have granted us.' Then should a child
result, the devil shall not hurt him.86
When you near ejaculation,
say to yourself without moving your lips: Praise be to God Who has created
humans out of fluid, and made thereof relatives and in-laws, for thy Lord is
omnipotent. One of the men of hadith used to raise his voice in praise
to the extent that the members of the household could hear his voice. Then he
would turn away from the qiblah, and would not face the qiblah during coitus out of deference for the qiblah.88 He
should also cover himself and his wife with a garment. The Messenger* of God
used to cover his head and lower his voice, saying to the woman, Remain
quiet. A khabar says, If one of you should have intimate relations
with his wife, you should not denude yourselves completely like two onagers,90
that is, two donkeys.
Let him proceed with gentle
words and kisses. The Prophet* said, Let none of you come upon his wife like
an animal, and let there be an emissary between them. He was asked, What is
this emissary, 0 Messenger of God? He said, The kiss and [sweet] words. He*
also said, There are three qualities which are considered deficiencies in a
man: one, that he should meet someone whose acquaintance he wishes to make but
parts from him before learning his name and lineage; second, that he should be
treated kindly and reject the kindness' done unto him; and third, that he
should approach his concubine or wife and have sexual contact with her before
exchanging tender
words and caresses, consequently, he sleeps with her
and fulfills his needs before she fulfills hers.
Intimate
relations are undesirable during three nights of the month: the first, the
last, and the middle. It is said that the devil is present during copulation on
these nights, and it is also said that the devils copulate during these nights.
It was related that 'Ali, Mu'awiyah, and Abu Hurayrah also frowned upon it [during
those nights]. Certain ulema recommended intimate relations on Friday and the
night before it [Thursday] in fulfillment of one of the two interpretations of
the Prophet's* words, May God bless the one who purifies and performs the
ablution, etc.
Once the husband
has attained his fulfillment, let him tarry until his wife also attains hers.
Her orgasm (inzal)94 may be delayed, thus
exciting her desire; to withdraw quickly is harmful to the woman. Difference in
the nature of [their] reaching a climax causes discord whenever the husband
ejaculates first. Congruence in attaining a climax is more gratifying to her because
the man is not preoccupied with his own pleasure, but rather with hers; for it
is likely that the woman might be shy.
It is desirable
that he should have intimate relations with her once every four nights; that is
more just, for the [maximum] number of wives is four which justifies this span.
It is true that intimate relations should be more or less frequent in
accordance to her need to remain chaste, for to satisfy her is his duty. If
seeking intimate relations [by the woman] is not established, it causes the
same difficulty in the same demand and the fulfillment thereof.
He should not approach her during
menstruation, immediately after it, or before major ablution (ghusl), for that is forbidden according to the decree of the Book. It has
been said that it would engender leprosy in the offspring. The husband is
entitled to enjoy all parts of her body during menstruation but not to have
sodomy; intercourse during menstruation is forbidden (haram) because it is harmful, and sodomy will cause permanent harm; for that
reason it [sodomy] is more strongly prohibited than intimate relations during
menstruation. The words of the Almighty state, so go to your tilth as ye
will [Quran 2:223]; that is, any time you please. He may achieve emission
by her hand and can enjoy what is concealed by the loincloth (izar) short of coitus. The woman should cover herself with
a loincloth from her groin to [a point just] above the knee during the state of
menstruation. This is one of the rules of etiquette. He may partake of meals
with the woman during her period of menstruation; he may also sleep beside her,
etc.97 He should not avoid her.
If the husband
wishes to have intimate relations with one after having had coitus with
another, then he should wash his genitals first. If he has nocturnal emission,
then he should not have intercourse before washing his genitals or urinating.
Sexual intercourse is frowned upon at the beginning of the night for he should
not sleep in an impure state. Should he seek sleep or food, then let him
perform first the limited ablution (wudu'),
for that is a recommended practice of the sunna. The son of Umar related,
I said to the Prophet,* `Should any of us sleep in a state of major ritual
impurity (junub)?'98 And
he replied, `Yes, if he has performed the limited ablution (wudu').' 99 However,
a dispensation was given in this regard: 'A'ishah* said, The Prophet* used to
sleep in a state of major ritual impurity having
not touched water.100
Whenever he
returns to his bed, he should wipe the covers or shake them, for he does not
know what might have taken place thereon during his absence. He should not
shave, trim his fingernails, sharpen the blade [with which he shaves], cause
blood to flow, or reveal any part of him while in a state of major ritual
impurity; for all parts of his body would be restored to him in the hereafter,
and he would thus return to a state of major ritual impurity. It is said that
every hair will demand an account for the infraction it committed.
[Coitus Interruptus]
Other
etiquettes include refraining from coitus ('azl) and not ejaculating except in
the place of tilling, which is the womb, for there is not a soul whose
existence God has decreed but that will exist.' To that effect were the words
of the Messenger* of God. As pertains to coitus interruptus, the ulema have split
into four groups over whether it is permissible or reprehensible:102
(a) There are those who consider it unconditionally permissible under all
circumstances; (b) there are those who forbid it in all circumstances; (c)
there are those who say it is permissible with her consent; evidently those
proponents consider the harm [caused to the woman], which is forbidden rather
than coitus interruptus itself; (d) there are those who say it is permissible
with the bondmaid but not with the free woman.
As far as we
are concerned, it is permissible. As to a reprehensible act, it applies to
cases where unlawfulness is disregarded, where uprightness is ignored or where
virtue is abandoned. It [coitus interruptus] is reprehensible according to the
third stipulation; in other words, it involves abandonment of a virtue, as it
is said: It is reprehensible for someone in the mosque to sit without being
preoccupied with dhikr or prayer; and it is
reprehensible for someone residing in Mecca not to perform the pilgrimage every
year; this reprehensibility applies to the abandonment of what should take
precedence and is more convenient, nothing more. This is firmly established in
what we have explained concerning the virtue of [having] offspring, and in what
has been related concerning the Prophet*: A man has intimate relations with
his wife, and is thus decreed for him the reward of a male offspring who fights
for the cause of God and is killed [martyred]. '0' He
said so because if such a son is born to him, he would receive the reward of
being the cause for his [son's] existence, even though Almighty God is his
creator, his sustainer,104 and the one who strengthens him for
jihad. His part in causing [the child] to exist is the act of coitus at the
time of ejaculating in the uterus. We have stated that there is no reprehensibility
in terms of prohibition and purification, for upholding prohibition is
possible only by text105 or by analogy with a text; there is no text
without a basis for analogy. Rather, we have here a basis for analogy-namely,
abstaining from marriage altogether, abstaining from intimate relations after
marriage, or avoiding emission after penetration; all such abstentions are more
preferable, but they do not constitute acts of unlawfulness or disagreement.
For the progeny is formed by the sperm being deposited in the uterus, which
comes from four causes: marriage, then copulation, then patience until emission
takes place after intercourse, then waiting until the sperm is implanted in the
uterus. Some of these causes are more closely related than others. [Thus]
abstaining from the fourth is like abstaining from the third; likewise, the
third is similar to the second, and the second is like the first. All that is
not the same as abortion or the burying of girls alive (wad).`
These two things, in effect,
constitute a crime against an already existing person; and that also has
stages: The first stage of existence is that the sperm should lodge in the
uterus, merge with the fluid of the woman, and become thus receptive to life;
to interfere with this process constitutes a crime. If it develops into an
embryo and becomes attached [a fetus], then the crime becomes more serious. If
the spirit is breathed into it and the -created being takes form, then the
crime [of abortion] becomes more serious still. The crime is most serious after
the fetus is born alive [then buried if it is a girl]. We have said that the
initial stage of existence is the planting of the sperm in the uterus, not
emission from the urethra; for the offspring is not produced by the sperm of
the male alone but from the agglutination of the mates, either from both his
and her fluid or from his fluid and the blood of menses, and that the blood
plays, in relation to it, the same role as milk to its coagulator; the sperm
from the man is necessary in coagulating the blood of the menses as the thickening
agent (rawbah) is for milk since through it
the coagulator gels. However that might be, a woman's fluid is a fundamental
element in coagulation.
The two fluids are likened
unto an offer and related acceptance which result in the consummation of a
contract. Whoever makes an offer and goes back on it before it is accepted has
breached the contract by rendering it null and void. Whenever an offer and
related acceptance take place, rescission becomes a nullification, an
annulment, and a severance. As no child can issue forth from a sperm in the
vertebra, likewise [a child would not be created] after the expulsion [of the
sperm] from the urethra unless it mixes with the fluid or the blood of the
woman. This is, therefore, a clear analogy.'
Should you say: But coitus
interruptus is not reprehensible on account of opposing the existence of a
child, it is likely to be reprehensible on account of the motive behind it; for
it cannot be motivated except by a corrupt intention which is blemished by
concealed polytheism. I would answer that the motivations for coitus
interruptus are five:
The first pertains to
concubines who serve to preserve property from the destruction entailed by the
right to manumission; the purpose of maintaining property by avoiding
manumission and heading off its causes is not prohibited.
The second, preserving the
beauty of the woman and her portliness in order to maintain enjoyment, and
protect her life against the danger of childbirth (talq); and
this, too, is not prohibited.
The third, fear of excessive
hardship on account of numerous offspring, and guarding against the excessive
pursuit of gain and against the need for resorting to evil means. This, too, is
not prohibited, because encountering fewer hardships is an aid to religion
[faith]. Without doubt, perfection and virtue ensue from dependence on and
faith in God's guaranty which is expressed in His words, No creature is there
crawling on the earth, but its provision rests on God [Quran 2:6 (Arberry, vol. 1:239)]. Falling
short of the apex of perfection, and abandoning what is preferable is not a
criminal act. However, we cannot say that taking consequences into account as
well as preserving possessions and hoarding them are prohibited, even though
they are contrary to dependence [on God].
The fourth, fear of having
female children because of the stigma involved in getting them married, as was
the custom of the Arabs in burying their female progeny (fi qatlihim al-'inath). This would be an evil intention if marriage or
coitus are to be abandoned on its account; a person would be guilty of the
intention but not of abstinence from marriage and coitus; so likewise in
coitus interruptus. Corruption engendered by belief in disgrace (ma'arrah) is stronger in the sunna of the Prophet*. Such
would be comparable to the circumstance of a woman who avoids marriage out of
disdain for having to lie under a man and thus attempts to emulate them. Undesirability
[in this case] is not due to abstinence from marriage per se.
The fifth, that the woman
might abstain from having children on account of arrogance, excessive
cleanliness, fear of labor pains, childbirth, and nursing. Such was the custom
of the Kharijite108 women in their excessive use of water to the
point that they used to perform the prayers during the days of menses and would
not enter the bathroom except naked [because] of their excessive cleanliness.
This too is an innovation which contradicts the sunna and manifests a corrupt
intent. One among them sought permission to see 'A'ishah* when she came to
Basra, but she ['A'ishah] did not grant it. Thus it is the intent and not the
prevention of having children which is corrupt.
If you should say that the
Prophet* said, Whoever abandons marriage for fear of having dependents is not
one of us in the least,109 I would say that coitus interruptus is
like abstinence from marriage. By he is not one of us is meant that he does
not concur with our sunna and our Path: Our sunna is the pursuit of the more
preferable deed. Should you point out the fact that the Prophet* said regarding
coitus interruptus, That constitutes a secret form of burying children alive
and [also] recited, and when the girl-child that was buried alive is asked,'
which is reported in the Sahih [of Muslim], we would reply
[that] in the Sahih are also authentic reports...
concerning the lawfulness [of coitus interruptus]. His expression secret form
of burying children alive is like unto his words secret polytheism, and that
is an act which constitutes undesirability but not unlawfulness.
If you should
point out the fact that Ibn 'Abbas said, Coitus interruptus constitutes the
lesser degree of burying children alive, as conception is prevented (al-mamnu' wujuduhu bihi) by coitus interruptus (al-maw 'udat
al-sughrah),112 then we would reply, He is
equating the prevention of existence to cutting it off and that is a weak form of
analogy. For that reason 'Ali* denounced this act upon hearing this saying, A
child is not buried alive until after the seventh, or seven phases have been
completed, and he recited the Quranic verse pertaining to the stages of
creation [23:12-14]: Verily We created man from a product of wet earth; then
placed him as a drop (of seed) in a safe lodging, up to and then produced it
as another creation;' that is to say, we breathed a spirit into him. Then he
recited the Almighty's words in [another] verse [81:8]: And when the
girl-child that was buried alive is asked. If you examine what we have
already stated concerning analogy and point of view, you will perceive the
difference between the method of 'Ali* and that of Ibn 'Abbas* in seeking
hidden meanings and pursuing knowledge.
It appears that the Sahihayn [of Bukhari and Muslim] concur in relating what Ibn Jabir had said, We
used to have coitus interruptus in the days of the Prophet* while the Koran was
being revealed.' In another transmittal: We used to have coitus interruptus;
the Prophet* heard about it, but he did not enjoin us against it.' There is
also a report that Jabir had said: A man came to the Prophet* and said, `I
have a bondmaid who is our servant and who brings us water [to drink] during
the date-picking season. I do have intimate relations with her, but I am
undesirous that she should conceive.' He* replied, 'Have coitus interruptus if
you wish; for she shall receive what has been destined for her.' The man was
absent for some time, then he came back to him [the Prophet] and said, `The
bondwoman is pregnant.' He replied, 'I told you that she will receive what has
been destined for her. All this can be found in the Sahihayn [of Bukhari and Muslim].
[Etiquette Concerning Having
Children]
The eleventh: There are five points concerning the
etiquette of having children.
(a) The first, that one
should not be overjoyed with the birth of a male child, nor should he be
excessively dejected over the birth of a female child, for he does not know in
which of the two his blessings lie. Many a man who has a son wishes he did not
have him, or wishes that he were a girl. The girls give more tranquility and
[divine] remuneration, which are greater.
The Prophet*
said, If a man brings up his daughter well, nourishes her well, and shares
with her the gifts which God has bestowed upon him, she will bring him fortune
and will facilitate his passage from Hell to Heaven.' Ibn 'Abbas related that
the Messenger* of God said, If a man has two daughters and treats them well as
long as they remain with him, they will cause him to enter Paradise.' Anas
said in quoting the Messenger* of God, If a man has two daughters or two
sisters and he treats them well for as long as they remain with him, he and I
will be in Paradise like these two [women].' Anas also related that the
Messenger* of God declared, If a man goes to one of the marketplaces of the
Muslims, buys something, carries it back to his home, and gives it to the
females and not to the males, God will look upon him [with favor], and whomever
God looks upon [with favor] He will not torment.' Anas also related that the
Messenger* of God said, When a man brings an extraordinary present [turfah] from the market to his family, it is like bringing them a charitable
gift (sadaqah) which he places among them. Let him give the females
before the males, for whoever brings joy to a female is like crying out of fear
of God, and he who cries out of fear of God will be safeguarded by God from the
Fire.' Abu Hurayrah related that the Prophet* said, Whoever has three
daughters or sisters and tolerates their hardships and ordeals, God will bring
him into Paradise for having shown mercy toward them. A man asked, How about
one? And he said, Even one. 122
(b) The second etiquette is that he should chant the
prayer (adhan) in the ear of the
offspring. 123 Rafi'
related the words of his father: I saw the Prophet* chanting the adhan in the ear of al-Hasan [his
grandson] when Fatimah* gave birth to him. 124 It was related that the Prophet* said, When a man has a
child and chants the adhan in his
right ear and the second call (iqama) in
his left ear, he repels epilepsy (umm
al-sibyan) from him.' It is desirable that the first words he is taught
to speak when he learns to talk be there is no God but Allah (la ilaha illa Allah) so that these words
may constitute his first utterance. Circumcision on the seventh day is
prescribed in a.
khabar. 121
(c) The third etiquette is
that he should be given a good name, for that is the child's right. The Prophet*
said, Should you give a name, let the word
'abd (fa 'abbidu) be
part of it. 117
He* said, The names most endearing to God are 'Abdullah and 'Abd al-Rahman. He also said, Give them my name but not my surname (kunya).128 The ulema said, That was applicable to his*. lifetime; for he was surnamed 'Abd al-Qasim. Now it is acceptable [to call children by the Prophet's surname]. True, a person should not be called by both the Prophet's name and his surname; for the Prophet said, Do not give both my name and my surname together. 121 It was said that this, too, was applicable to his lifetime. One person took the name Abu 'Isa, so the Prophet* said, Isa has no father;130 thus such a name is not desirable.
The miscarried
fetus (al-siqt) must be given a name.
'Abu al-Rahman b. Yazid b. Mu'awiyah said, I learned that the miscarried
fetus will cry out after its father on the Day of Judgment saying, 'You have
destroyed me and left me without a name.' 'Umar b. 'Abd al-'Aziz said, 'How so,
when he might not know whether he is a male or a female?' Abd al-Rahman
replied, There are names that might apply to both, like Hamzah, 'Amarah,
Talhah, and 'Utbah.
The Prophet* said, You will
be called on the Day of Judgment by your names and the names of your fathers; so
let your names be good.' Whoever has an undesirable name, it is preferable
that it should be changed; the Messenger* of God changed the name al-'As to
'Abdullah.132 Zaynab's name was Barrah; the Prophet* said, She
purifies her soul, so he called her Zaynab. 133 There has been an
injunction against the use of the names Aflah (be lucky), Yasir (well-being),
Nafi' (useful), and Barakah (blessing)134 for the question is
frequently asked, Is Barakah there? The answer would be No.
(d) The fourth is a sacrifice ('aqiqah): for the male, two sheep; and for the female, one
sheep.' But one can be happy with one [sacrifice] be it for male or female.'
'A'ishah recounted that the Messenger* of God ordered that in the case of a
lad (ghulam), two complementary sheep
should be sacrificed and in the case of a girl (jariyah), one sheep.' It has been related that one sheep was
sacrificed.' This makes it permissible to sacrifice only one. The Prophet*
said, For every male, there must be a sacrifice; therefore, shed blood on his
behalf and thus remove harm from him.'
It is part of the sunna that the weight
in gold or silver of the child's hair [cut on the seventh day] be offered to
charity. There is a khabar to that
effect, namely, that the Prophet* ordered Fatimah* on the seventh day of the
birth of Husayn to shave his head and to give the weight of his hair in silver
to charity.' 'A'ishah said: None of the bones of the sacrifice should be
broken for the newborn.
(3) The fifth is to put in
his mouth a masticated date or some other sweet. It was related of Asma',* the
daughter of Abu Bakr,* that she said, I gave birth to 'Abdullah b. al-Zubayr
in a tunic; then I brought him to the Messenger* of God and placed the child on
his lap. The Prophet called for a date, chewed it, then spat it into the
child's mouth.' Thus the first thing that entered his stomach was the saliva
of the Messenger* of God. Then he chewed a date and rubbed it on his [the
child's] palate (hannakuhu), invoked God's blessing upon
him, and gave him his blessings. He was the very first child born in Islam,142
so they rejoiced over him, for they had been told that the Jews had bewitched
them so that they would not be able to have children.
[Divorce]
The twelfth: concerning
divorce. Let it be known that it is permissible; but of all permissible things,
it is the most detestable to Almighty God. It is permissible only if it
involves no harm ensuing from deception; and whenever he divorces her, he
brings harm upon her. It is not permissible to bring harm to another unless a
crime is committed on her part or out of necessity on his part. Almighty God
said, If they obey you, seek not a way against them [Quran 4:34]; that is to say, do not find an
excuse for separation.
If his father should loathe
her, then he should divorce her. Ibn 'Umar* said, I had a woman I loved, but
my father used to loathe her and command me to divorce her, so I consulted the
Messenger* of God and he told me, `0 son of 'Umar, divorce your wife.' 13
This
indicates that the father's rights take priority, but he must be like 'Umar, a
father who does not loathe her for an unjust cause.
Whenever she offends her
husband or utters foul language against his family, she is guilty; likewise
[she is guilty] whenever she is ill-mannered or corrupt in her religion. Ibn
Mas'ud com
mented on the words of Almighty God, nor let them
go forth unless they commit open immorality [Quran 65:1], saying: Whenever she utters foul language against
his family or inflicts harm upon her husband, she has committed a grave act.
This comment was made concerning behavior during the prescribed waiting period;
nevertheless, it underscores what we mean.
If offense should come from
the husband, then she can be redeemed through the payment of a compensation (khul') [divestiture].' It is undesirable for the man to take from her more
than he has given [as a dowry], for that would constitute injustice against
her, unfairness toward her, and a trade [in making profit] on the dowry.
Almighty God said, there is no blame on either of them if she gives something
for her freedom [Quran 2:229
('Ali)]; thus returning what she has taken, or less, is appropriate in
redeeming herself.
Should she seek divorce for
no just reason, she is a sinner. The Prophet* said, Whichever woman asks her
husband to divorce her for no cause will not breathe the aura of Paradise;'
in other words, Paradise becomes forbidden to her. In still another expression,
the Prophet* said, Women who seek divorce for a compensation are hypocrites.'
The husband should observe four matters in divorce:
one, that he divorce her during her state of [menstrual] purity (tuhr), provided he has not had coitus
with her. Divorce during menstruation or during a state of purity in which they
had coitus, even though it does occur, is an unlawful innovation, as it
lengthens the periods of her waiting ('iddah).'
If he should do so, he should take her back. The son of 'Umar divorced his
wife during menstruation, so the Prophet* told 'Umar, Command him to take her
back until she is purified, menstruates, and is purified [again]; after that,
he can choose either to divorce or keep her. Such is the period of waiting
which God has ordained for divorcing women. He commanded him to wait after
taking her back ('iddat al-raj'ah) for two states of
purity, lest the intent of taking her back should be divorce only.
The second, that he should restrict
himself to one divorce utterance and not pronounce all three at once because
the one utterance after a legal period of waiting indicates the intent, and he
can benefit from retracting it should remorse develop during the period of
waiting in which he can renew the marriage if he wishes after this period. If
he pronounces all three divorce utterances [at once], he might regret it and
be compelled to have a muhallil marry
her and then wait awhile. To contract a muhallil
is a denounced act for which the husband would be the cause; besides, his
heart [under the circumstances] would be at the mercy of someone else's wife
[that is, the wife of the muhallil], and
at the mercy of the divorce which he [the muhallil]
grants. In addition, this would cause the wife to become disenchanted with
him; all these are the fruits of al jams (uttering
a threefold divorce). Uttering one divorce is sufficient in indicating the intent
without danger. I do not mean to say that uttering a threefold divorce is
unlawful; rather, it is undesirable for the aforementioned reasons, and by
undesirability I mean disregard for himself.
The third, that he should be kind in offering a
pretext to divorce her without stern censure and belittlement. He should soothe
her heart by way of gratification with a present and cure the wounds inflicted
by separation. Almighty God has said, yet make provision for them
[Quran 2:236 (Arberry, vol.
1:62)]; and this is a duty whenever it is the case that a dowry had not been
specified in the original marriage [contract].
Al-Hasan b. 'Ali was an unbridled divorcer and
marrier. One day he sent one of his companions to divorce two women among his
wives and said, Tell them to prepare for the legal period of waiting. He
ordered him to give each one of them 10,000 dirhams. He did; and when he [the
companion] returned to him, he [al-Hasan] asked him, What did they do? he replied,
One of them lowered her head and thus remained, but the other cried and wailed
and I heard her say, 'These are very small provisions from a parting loved
one.' Al-Hasan bowed his head and invoked blessings on her saying, Were I to
take back a woman after separating from her, I would take her back.
One day al-Hasan went to visit 'Abd al-Rahman b.
al-Harith b. Hisham,149 who was the faqih (jurist) of Medina and its chief, who had no equal in Medina,
and whom 'A'ishah used as an example when she said, Had I not already
traversed this course
of
mine,150 I would have preferred to have sixteen males from the
Messenger* of God like 'Abd al-Rahman b. al-Harith b. Hisham. Al-Hasan went to
see 'Abd al-Rahman in his house. ['Abd al-Rahman] honored him and told him to
sit in his place saying, Would that you had sent for me; I would have come to
you. Al-Hasan replied, The need is ours. He ['Abd al-Rahman] asked, What
is it? He told him, I have come seeking your daughter in marriage. 'Abd
al-Rahman lowered his head, then raised it and said, By God, there is no one
walking upon this earth who is dearer to me than you; but you know that my
daughter is flesh of my flesh: what offends her offends me, and what pleases
her, pleases me. You are an unbridled divorcer: I fear that you would divorce
her. Should you do that, I fear also that my heart would turn away from loving
you, and I would be unhappy should my heart be turned away from you, because
you are a part of the Messenger's flesh. If you promise not to divorce her, I
will give her to you in marriage. Al-Hasan was silent, then he arose and left.
One of his household heard him saying while walking, 'Abd al-Rahman wanted to
make his daughter a rope around my neck.
Ali* used to be impatient with his [al-Hasan's]
numerous divorces and would apologize on his behalf from the pulpit saying in
his sermon (khutbah),151 Hasan is very prone to divorce, so do
not give him [your daughters] in marriage. A man from Hamadan rose and said,
0 prince of the faithful, we will give him our daughters in marriage to his
heart's satisfaction. If he so wishes he can keep them, and if he so desires he
can let them go. That pleased 'Ali and he said, Were I a gatekeeper of
Paradise, I would tell Hamadan to enter in peace. This is merely an indication
that if a man, out of embarrassment, speaks ill of someone dear to him, whether
wife or child, it is not necessary that one should agree with him since such an
agreement would be undesirable. Rather, it is a rule of etiquette to disagree
to the best of one's ability, for that is more pleasing to his heart and in
accord with his hidden thought.
The aim of all of this is to show that divorce is
permissible. God has promised riches in both separation and in marriage saying,
And marry such of you as are solitary and the pious of your slaves and
maidservants. If they be poor, Allah will enrich them of His bounty
[Quran 24:32]; and also saying,
But if they separate, Allah will compensate each out of His abundance
[4:1301.
The fourth, that he should never reveal her secret
[private affairs] while divorced or married. Concerning the revealing of
women's secrets, an authentic khabar transmits
great threat.' 52 It is related that a virtuous man wanted to divorce his wife
and he was asked, What grievance have you against her? And he replied, A
wise man does not reveal the secrets of his wife. After divorcing her he was
asked, Why did you divorce her? And he replied The affairs of someone else's
wife are not my concern. This indicates the husband's obligation.
SECOND PART OF THIS CHAPTER
Examination of the Husband's
Rights
The authoritative statement
in this context is that marriage constitutes a form of enslavement; thus she is
his slave, and she should obey the husband absolutely in everything he demands
of her provided such demands do not constitute an act of disobedience. There
are many akhbar that magnify the rights of the husband.
The Prophet*
said, If a woman dies while her husband is satisfied with her, she will enter
Paradise.' A man went on a journey and enjoined his wife against descending
from the high ground [where they lived] to the low ground where her father
lived. He became ill, so the wife sent for the Messenger* of God, asking
permission to descend to her father. The Prophet* replied, Obey your
husband. Her father died, and again she sought his [the Prophet's] counsel and
he said, Obey your husband. When her father was buried, the Messenger* of God
sent word to her that God has forgiven her father by virtue of her obedience to
her husband. The Prophet* said, If a woman performs her five [daily]
prayers, fasts during the month [of Ramadan], preserves her chastity, and obeys
her husband, she will enter the Paradise of her Lord.' He included obedience
to the husband in the basic principles of Islam. The Mes
senger* of God described women as: Child-bearers,
mothers, nursers who are compassionate toward their children, and those who
pray will enter Paradise, provided that they do not commit wrongs against their
husbands.'
The Prophet* said, I looked
into Hell and found most of the occupants to be women, and we asked him, Why,
0 Messenger* of God? He replied, Because they curse a lot and enrage their
mates;157 by this he meant the husband with whom they consort. In
another khabar [the Prophet said], I looked into Paradise and the
minority of its inhabitants were women. So I asked, 'Where are the women?' And
I was told, 'They are preoccupied with two red things:158 gold, and
saffron,' 159 meaning jewelry and dyestuff for clothes.
According to 'A'ishah*: A
young girl came to the Prophet* and said, '0 Messenger of God, I am a betrothed
girl but I detest marriage. What are the husband's rights from the woman?' He
replied, 'Were he covered with pus from the tip of his head to the soles of his
feet, and were she to lick him, she would not compensate him enough.' Whereupon
she said, 'Should I then not get married?' He said, 'Do, for it is good.' 160
Ibn 'Abbas said,
A woman from Khath'am came to the Messenger* of God and said, 'I have no
husband and I wish to get married: What is the husband's right?' and he said,
'The rights of the husband incumbent upon a wife are that if he should desire
her and seek to have her while she is on the back of a camel, she should not
deny him his wish. It is his right that she should not give [away] anything
from his household except with his permission; should she do this, the burden
is hers and the compensation is his. It is also his right that she should not
observe a voluntary fast except with his permission; should she do it, she will
suffer hunger and thirst and her fasting will not be acceptable [to God]. If
she leaves her house without his permission, the angels will curse her until
she returns to his house or repents.'' The Prophet* said, Were I to command
someone to prostrate himself before another, I would command the wife to
prostrate herself before her husband on account of the magnitude of her
obligation to him.' The Prophet* also said, A woman is nearest to the face
of God when she is in the inner sanctum of her house; performing the prayer in
the court-yard of her house is better than praying in the mosque, and praying
in her house is better than praying in her courtyard, and praying in her
bedchamber (makhda') is better than praying
[elsewhere] in her house.' The alcove is a quarter within the house; it is a
place of shielding. For that reason the Prophet* said, A woman is deficient;
if she goes out, she will please the devil.' He also said, A woman has ten
deficient qualities; if she marries, the husband covers one of those qualities,
and if she dies, the grave covers all ten.'
[EXPOSITION OF THE RIGHTS OF
THE HUSBAND]
Thus the husband's rights
toward the wife are many, but most important are two: the first is safeguarding
and sheltering; the other is to be spared unnecessary demands and the need for
having to provide them if they are unlawful. This was the custom of women with
the forefathers. When a man went out of his home, his wife or daughter would
say to him, Beware of unlawful gain; we would endure hunger and harm rather
than Fire [hellfire]. One of the predecessors was about to go on a journey of
which his neighbors disapproved. They said to his wife, Why do you let him go
when he has not left you any provisions? She said, Since the day I knew my
husband, he has been a consumer and not a provider; but I do have a Lord who
provides. The consumer goes, but the Provider remains.
Rabi'ah [of Syria], the
daughter of Isma'il, asked Ahmad b. Abu al-Hawwari166 to marry her.
He declined because he was preoccupied with worship and said to her, My
preoccupations are not inclined toward women, because I am too preoccupied with
myself. She replied, I am more preoccupied with myself than you are, and I
have no [physical] desire. However, I have inherited much wealth from my
husband and I wish you would spend it on your spiritual brothers, and that
through you I should come to know the righteous ones, thus finding a path to
God, may He be glorified and honored. He replied, Wait until I seek
permission of my master. So he returned to find Abu Sulayman al-Darani, who
used to enjoin against his getting married and [who had] said, None of our
companions ever got married without being changed. But when he heard her
words,
he said, Marry her, for she is a friend of God.
Hers are the words of the righteous. Al-Hawwari said, I married her; and
there was in our house a container made of plaster which had become worn out
through use by those who hastily washed their hands and left after meals, not
to mention those who had washed with potash. He also said, I married three
wives in addition, but she used to give me the best to eat and used to perfume
me. She would say to me, 'Go with energy and strength to your wives.' Thus
Rabi'ah of Syria was likened unto Rabi'ah al-'Adawyiah of Basra.'
Among the obligations of the
woman is that she should not squander his [her husband's] possessions, but
rather take great care of them. The Messenger* of God said, It is not lawful
for her to feed anyone from his house without his permission, except from food
that would spoil if kept. Should she feed [others] with his blessing, then she
would earn the same kind of reward he earns; but if she should feed [them] without
his permission, then he would earn the reward and she would bear the bur
den.
-168
It is the obligation of the
parents to train her in the etiquette of cohabitation with her husband. It is
related of Asma', the daughter of Kharijah al-Fazzari, that she said to her
daughter when the latter got married, You have left a nest in which you grew
up and proceeded to a bed which you know not and a mate with whom you have not
associated; be an earth for him, and he will be your sky; be a resting place
for him, and he will be your pillar; be his bondmaid, and he will be your
slave; do not make excessive demands, for he will then desert you; do not
become too distant from him, for he will then forget you; should he draw near,
then draw close to him; should he become distant, stay away from him. Shield
his nose, his hearing and his eye169 so he will smell nothing from
you but that which is sweet, hear nothing but that which is good, and look at
nothing but that which is beautiful.
A man said to his wife [in rhyme]:
Seek
forgiveness from me, and you will
cam my constant affection;
Speak not when I am angry;
Do not beat me once as you would
beat
the tambourine, for you do not know what the unknown may hold in store;
Do not complain
excessively, for it will cause love to depart and turn my heart away from you;
I have seen love in
the heart and harm; if the two should meet, love would soon disappear.
[ETIQUETTE FOR THE WOMAN]
Without going into lengthy
details, a summary of what constitutes etiquette for the woman is the
following: She should remain in the inner sanctum of her house and tend to her
spinning; she should not enter and exit excessively; she should speak
infrequently with her neighbors and visit them only when the situation requires
it; she should safeguard her husband in his absence and in his presence; 170
she should seek his pleasure in all affairs and refrain from betraying
him through herself or his possessions; she should not leave his home without
his permission: if she goes out with his permission, she should conceal
herself in worn-out clothes' and choose the less-frequented places rather than
the main avenues and market places, being careful that no stranger hear her
voice or recognize her personally; she should not approach friends of her husband
while going about her business, but feign ignorance of those who might
recognize her or whom she might recognize; her primary concern should be
caring for her own affairs, tending to her house, performing her prayers, and
fasting; should a friend of her husband knock at the door when he [the
husband] is not present, she should not ask questions or engage in
conversation, so as to maintain her self-respect and her husband's; she should
be content with the means that God has provided her husband; she should place
his rights before hers and before the rights of his relatives; she should
always observe the rules of personal hygiene, and be ready at all times for
him to enjoy her whenever he wishes; she should be affectionate toward her
children, zealous to protect them, refraining from uttering profane words
against them and from talking back to her husband.
The Prophet* said, I and a
haggard woman like these two will be in Paradise: a widowed woman who dedicated
herself to her daughters until they attained the age of puberty, or [one who
has] died. The Prophet* also said, God has
forbidden all the descendants of Adam to enter Paradise before me; but I look
and behold on my right a woman [who] has preceded me to the gate of Paradise;
so I ask, `Why does she precede me?' And the answer comes, '0 Muhammad, this
was a fine, beautiful woman who had orphans. She was patient until they
attained their present state, so God was pleased with her for that.' 19
Other etiquettes governing
the woman include the following: that she should not boast to her husband of
her beauty, neither should she belittle her husband for his ugliness. It was
related that al-Asma'i tI said,
I went to the desert and, behold, I saw a woman with a most beautiful face
married toa man with the ugliest [face]; so I said to her, `Woman, are you
satisfied to be married to such a man?' She said, 'Be quiet! You have uttered
ill words; perhaps he has earned high merits with his Lord and thus I became
his reward; or perhaps I have offended my Creator and he thus became my
punishment. Should I not then accept what God has seen fit for me?' Thus did
she silence me.
Al-Asma'i also related, I
saw a woman in the desert who was wearing a red garment and carrying a rosary;
so I said to her, `What a discrepancy between the two!' She replied [in rhyme]:
`Part of me belongs to God and I shall not squander it; the other part belongs
to folly and idleness.' I learned that she was a virtuous woman who had a
husband for whom she adorns herself.
Another decorum of the woman
is to be virtuous, and melancholy in the absence of her husband, and to return
to her sprightliness and happiness in his presence. She should never harm her
husband in any way. Mu'adh b. Jabal related: The Messenger* of God said, `Whenever
a woman hurts her husband in this world, his houri wife says: Do not harm
him, may God reproach you! For he is a stranger in your house who will soon
depart from you to join us.
Her marital obligations
include: that she should not mourn over the death of the husband longer than
four months and ten days during which time she should avoid perfume and adornment.
Zaynab, the daughter of Abi Salamah, said: I went to visit Umm Habibah, the
wife of the Prophet,* when her father Abu Sufyan b. Harb died. She asked for
perfume containing a yellow tinge (khaluq) or something like it. She
anointed a female slave with it, then touched both cheeks and said, `By God, I
have no need for perfume; however, I did hear the Messenger* of God say, It is
not lawful for a woman who believes in God and the Day of Judgment to mourn
more than three days over the dead unless he be a husband, in which case she
should mourn for four months and ten days.'
The woman should remain in
the house of her marriage until the end of the legally prescribed waiting
period, and must not move to her family or leave the house except out of
necessity.
Another etiquette is that
she should perform every service of which she is capable at home. It was
related that Asma','r' the daughter of Abu Bakr al-Siddiq,* said:
Zubayr19 married me when he had on earth neither possessions nor
slaves nor anything besides his horse and a [water-carrying] camel (nadih). I used to feed his horse, give him his provisions, look after him, grind
date-stones for his camel, feed him, bring water, string beads to hang on his
neck, and knead dough. I used to transport ground date-stones on my head a
distance of more than twothirds of a parasang1T9 until Abu Bakr
sent me a slave girl, and I was then contented with looking after the horse. It
was like being freed.' The Messenger* of God came upon me one day with his
companions while I was carrying date-stones on my head,'' and he* said Akh,
akh to make his she-camel kneel so as to carry me behind him. I was embarrassed
to proceed with men and remembered the jealousy of al-Zubayr, for indeed he was
the most jealous of men. The Messenger* of God noticed that I was embarrassed;
so I came to al-Zubayr and told him what had happened. He said, By God, it is
more painful for me to see you carry ground date-stones on your head than to
ride with him.
THE BOOK OF MARRIAGE ENDS HERE WITH PRAISE AND
THANKS TO GOD
MAY HIS BLESSINGS BE UPON EVERY PURE SERVANT
As in the text, all references to
the Quran are from Pickthall's The
Glorious Koran unless otherwise noted.
Part II. BOOK ON THE ETIQUETTE OF
MARRIAGE AL-GHAZALI'S INTRODUCTION
1. See
al-Bukhari, Sahih, 7:9.
2. Tillage, frequently used by al-Ghazali, is interpreted by Watt to
mean a development of the primitive metaphor which compares sexual intercourse
with the sowing of seed, and speaks of children as the fruit of the womb (Companion to the Qu'rdn, 41).
3. The Halabi
edition indicated bil-nutaf. It is
difficult to ascertain the meaning with the preposition as an antecedent.
4. I
translated al-indhdr from the
Azhariyah edition as a warning, while the Halabi edition indicates bil-indhdr, with warning.
Chapter 1.
ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF MARRIAGE
1. In Arabic: °ulama' (sing.
°dlim, literally learned man). They
are the scholars who are learned in Islamic law, beliefs and dogmas (Hughes, Dictionary of Islam, 650).
2. It is possible that al-Ghazali is idealizing the past here as no
other source has been found to substantiate his remarks. Von Grunebaum
reinforces this belief when he states, The Muslim hates change. The best Islam
was in the beginning.... By clinging to the ways of the forebears, by upholding
and reliving the tradition of the ancients, by eschewing innovation, the
standing of his betters who preceded him would be preserved one instant longer
(Medieval Islam, 240).
3. Akhbdr (sing. khabar, literally news, report) is
applied to traditions traced back, not to the Prophet, but to other
authorities such as his companions, well-known jurists, imams, etc.
4. AthOr (sing. athar, literally trace) is applied to traditions relating the
deeds and utterances of Muhammad and his companions.
5. Watt states that this injunction is usually taken to mean that the
relatives should not oppose remarriage to the former husband, but might refer
to opposition by the former husband to another husband (Companion to the Qur'dn, 42).
6. Hereafter, invocations after saints, prophets, companions and those
who have passed away will be deleted; an asterisk will indicate the deletions.
The invocation after a saint or a prophet is, May the prayer and peace of God
be upon him; after companions, God be satisfied with him; and others, May
God have mercy upon him.
7. See
discussion in note 110, this chapter. Actually, whoever likes my religion
which I practice.
8. This hadith was related by Abu Yadla in his Musnad with an introduction and conclusion from the hadith of Ibn
Abbas on the authority of Hasan ('Iraqi).
9. This hadith was related by Abu Bakr Ibn Murdawayyah in his commentary
from the hadith of Ibn 'Umar without his including even if you should fall.
His transmission is weak, and this addition was also mentioned by al-Bayhaqi
through his knowledge of al-Shafiti who he claimed had informed him of it (Iraqi).
10. First part conforms with the hadith of Anas: Whoever refrains
from my sunna, -he is not of me; and the rest was preceded by hadith (Iraqi).
See also cAbd al-Bagi, Lulu' wa
al-Marjdn, 3:100.
11. Abu Man;sir al-Daylami related this hadith in his Musnad al-Firdaws from Abi Sacid's
hadith in a weak transmission and in the Musnad
of alDarami and in the Mu'jam of
al-Baghawi and in the Mardsil as
related from the sayings of Abu Najih, whoever is able to marry and does not
marry, he is not of us, and Abu Najih dissented in his friendship (Iraqi).
12. Ibn Majah
related this hadith from the hadith of tA'ishah in a weak (da°V) transmission (Iraqi).
13. Reference
is to lustfulness.
14. This hadith is agreed upon by the sayings taken from the hadith of
Ibn Masud (Iraqi). See also cAbd al-Bagi, Lulu'
wa al-Marjdn, 3:99; and al-Bukhari, Sahih,
7:3. The term used here, wijd'un, literally
means bruising of the veins of the testicles until they break, so that it is
like gelding (Lane, Arabic-English
Lexicon, 292).
15. Arousal
of sensuous desire through eyeing the opposite sex.
16. Implies
satisfaction of sexual urges.
17.
al-Tirmidhi made this transmittal known from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah
('Iraqi).
18. In Sufi
lexicography, the term is also used to signify sainthood or friendship of God
(Jabre, Le Lexique de Ghazali, 278).
19. Ahmad
related this hadith in a weak transmission from the hadith of Mu'adh Anas
(Iraqi).
20. Ibn al
Jawzi related this hadith in the 11al from
the hadith, of Anas in a weak transmission (Iraqi).
21. Implies
desire for sex. According to Ibn Manztir the term applies to sexual organs of
both male and female (Lisdn al-Arab, 3:166).
Hans Wehr mentions only vulva under farj
(Dictionary, 702).
22. Implies
desire for food.
23. Muslim
relates this hadith from Abu Hurayrah (Iraqi).
24. Umar b. al-Khattab, second Aliph, is one of the greatest figures
of early Islam and founder of the Arab empire. The West has given him the
epithet of St. Paul of Islam. He is also referred to as amir al-mu'minin, in a sense renewing the theocratic regime of the
time of the Prophet; it ceased with Umar, but the transmission of prophetic
powers was revived later by the Shi'a. He was the father-in-law of the
Prophet, who married his daughter, Haflah. He died 23/644 (Encyclopaedia of Islam, supplement, new ed., s.v. athar).
25. Fujdr also means to act immorally, sin,
live licentiously, lead a dissolute life, indulge in debauchery (Wehr, Dictionary, 697).
26. Ibn Abbas 'Abd al-Muttalib, died 68/687, was a companion and an
uncle of the Prophet (Encyclopaedia of
Islam, new ed., s.v. `Abbas'; see also Ibn al-Nadim, Fihrist, 932).
27. Fardgh, emptying the
heart, is a Sufi tenet. It means that by ridding himself of selfish desires,
man is able to receive God's graces and become tranquil (Lane, Arabic-English Lexicon, 2382).
28. Abu 'Abd Allah b. 'Abd Allah Akramah, a slave of berber origin
attached to the governor of al-Balrah, became an authority on the Koran and
hadith. He died in 107-8/725-26 (Ibn al-Nadim, Fihrist, 75, 82, 1012).
Muhammad b. al'Ala' b. Kurayb al-Hamdani Abu Kurayb, from alKufah,
was an authority on hadith. AI-Tabari, a jurist of his age, acquired knowledge
of the hadith from him. He died in 244/858 (Ibn al-Nadim, Fihrist, 563, 1033).
29. Ibn Mas'dd, who died in 32-33/653-54, was a companion of the
Prophet and was one of the first converts. He is a traditionist and an
authority on the Koran and the sunna. To him is attributed 848 traditions,
which are collected in Musnad Ahmad
(Encyclopaedia of Islam, new ed., s.v. al-Mas'tidi).
30. Mu'adh Ibn Jabal Ibn Aws was appointed by the Prophet as judge of
al-Yaman, and helped to collect revelations of the Koran. He died about 18/639
(Ibn al-Nadim, Fihrist, 62, 1045).
31. Bard is translated one rather than
some; the referent is singular (Wehr, Dictionary,
67).
32. The term
used, baniyy, stands for a descendant
or a member of a family, clan or tribe.
33. Ahmad
related this hadith from Rabi'ah al-Aslami in a lengthy narration. The
transmission is of fair authority (hasan) (Iraqi).
34. Reference is to early ascetics who did not marry, but felt if they
did, a wife would distract them from their devotion to the One; consequently,
their material needs were the bare essentials. Al-Suhrawardi reiterates this in
his commentary in the margins of the Azhariyah edition ('Awdrif al-Ma'drif, 78).
35. Bishr b. al-Harith, or Abu Nasr Bishr b. al-afi, was born near
Merv ca. 150/767 and died in Baghdad in 227/841. Bishr,* who studied
traditions in Baghdad, abandoned formal learning for the life of a mendicant,
destitute, starving and barefoot, hence the name al-Haft. He was admired and
respected by Ahmad b. Hanbal and Aliph al-Ma'mun (Farid al-Din 'Attar, Muslim Saints and Mystics, 80).
36. Ahmad b. Muhammad b. Hanbal, known as Ibn Hanbal, died at Baghdad
in 241/855. He was an adherent to the AN
al-Hadith, or the old traditional views. Where possible, he derives every
law from traditional sources. This compels him to be very indulgent to the
hadith and sometimes to admit very feeble traditions as the basis of his
decision. He was a founder of one of the the four madhdhib (juridical rites) in Islam, the Hanbali school. He did not
establish a fiqh (jurisprudence) system of his own but did answer pupils'
questions pertaining specifically to legal matters. His son, cAbdullah,
collected the traditions and lectures in the Musnad (Encyclopaedia of Islam, new ed., s.v. hadith).
37. That is,
he was in an unenviable position.
38. Al-Qushayri uses martabah and
maqdm in the same context. He
discusses twenty stations along the mystic's path, the first of which is repentance
(tawbah), (Risdlah, 253-408; see also
Hujwiri, Kashf al-Mahjub, 294; and
Arberry, Sufum, 75-79).
39. Talqdni (you encounter me) was
translated instead of yalgdni (he
encounters me), as in the Azhariyah edition, to agree with the subject.
40. Ibrahim Ibn Adham, or Abu Ishaq Ibrahim b. Adham, was born in
Balkh of pure Arab descent-a prince who renounced his kingdom somewhat after
the fashion of the Buddha. His conversion is a classic in Sufi legend. He left
his kingdom and family to become an itinerant dervish, living an ascetic life,
then gathered a following. He died ca. 165/782 in Syria (Farid al-Din 'Attar, Muslim Saints and Mystics, 62).
41. Farid
al-Din 'At tar maintains that Ibn Adham was married (Muslim Saints and Mystics, 68).
42. Mujahid is one who fought against
unbelievers and the like in the way of God, that is, in the cause of religion
(Lane, Arabic-English Lexicon, 473).
43. Rak'ah literally means
a bending of the torso from an upright position, followed by two prostrations
[in Muslim prayer rituals] (Wehr, Dictionary,
358).
44. Reference is probably to the Arabicized Muslim whereby the Arabic
civilization becomes Muslim civilization, and it is the spontaneous
collaboration of the best minds of all the Empire's nationalities that accounts
for the stupendous rise of this civilization in those two hundred years, from
750 to 950, so breathlessly crowded of human accomplishment (Von Grunebaum, Medieval Islam, 201).
45. Abu Yacla relates this hadith from Hadhifah, and al-Khitibi in al'Uzlah from his own hadith and the
hadith of Abd Amimah; both weak transmittals (Irigt).
46. Al-Khitabi related this hadith in al-'Uzlah from the hadith of Ibn Mas'tid who was guided by
al-Bayhaqi in al-Zahti, who was
guided by the hadith of Abu Hurayrah; all weak transmittals (Iraqi).
47. Al-Qada'i related this hadith in the Musnad of al-Shihab [followed by other references and
transmittals]; both transmittal lines are weak (Iraqi).
48. Abu Sulayman al-Darani, a mystic of the ninth century, died in
Syria in 215/830. To him is attributed the first delineations of the doctrine
of maqdmdt (stations) of the Sufi
path Jami, Nafahdt al-Uns, 39).
49. See
al-Suhrawardi,'Awdrif alMa'drif 76.
50.
A1-Ghazali is apparently voicing his discontent toward the writers of hadith in
emulation of Muhammad, who said to those writing hadith, Do you not know that
nothing but the writing of books besides the book of God led astray the peoples
that were before you? (Guillaume, Traditions
of Islam, 16).
51. Abu al-Hasan Ahmad b. al-Hawwari was from Damascus, and was a
scholar and a mystic. He died in 230-31/844-45 (Ibn al-Nadim, Fihrist, 456, 1002).
52. In the Halabi edition yussabbib
is used to imply that producing children is the primary aim of coitus; in
the Azhariyah edition bisabab is used
when a child is the accidental result of coitus.
53. The term
used is walad, which connotes a male
or female offspring.
54. That is,
increase the ranks of the faithful (Muslims).
55. That is,
after the father has passed away.
56. Although the verse, Quran
2:48 (Ali), rules out intercession in Islam, many Muslims believe in
it: And fear the day when no soul shall serve as a substitute for another soul
at all, nor shall intercession be accepted for it; nor shall ransom be taken
from it; nor shall they be helped.
57. This is a reference to the reports that in the Jahiliyah
(pre-Islam) period Arabs buried their daughters alive. W. R. Smith asserts that
the reason for this was twofold: fear by the parents that they could not
provide for all their offspring and fear that their daughters might be taken
captive and thus bring disgrace on their kin (Kinship and Marriage, 291-96; see also Fyzee, Muhammadan Law, 5).
58. Al-Ghazali expounds further on this subject from a slightly different
position in chapter 3. In the hadith, there are transmittals both allowing and
disapproving coitus interruptus. See Wensinck, Handbook, 112.
59. Watt
explains lend as contributing to God's causes (Companion to the Quran, 43).
60. His use of such terms as farad' and bagel' maybe conscious allusions to Sufi significations since both
constitute final states in the Sufi's search for communion with God; fand' is the annihilation or passing
away of the self, but is not equivalent to the cessation of the individual
consciousness as in Nirvana; and bag&'
is the subsistence or remaining in God (Jabre, Le Lexique de Ghazali, 265; see also Hujwiri, Kashf al-Mahjrlb, 243; and Encyclopaedia
of Islam, new ed., s.v. 'fand')
61. The hadith states that God says. It is related by al-Bukhari
from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah that Mukhlid al-Qatawani is the only one who
quoted it (Iraqi).
62. The
complete verse is: Who hath created life and death that He may try you
(Quran 67:2).
63. The
Azhariyah edition adds: wa yahsul al-wigd'-that
is, and coitus results as a consequence of desire.
64. Al-ramal (trotting) and al-idtibdc (cloaking) are performed in
imitation of the Prophet and his companions who did these things so that the
people of Mecca might know that there was strength in them (Lane, Arabic-English Lexicon, 1159).
65. The text
is al-iftidd' (ransom, sacrifice,
redeem), but al-igtidd' of the
Azhariyah edition was translated to mean emulation.
66. Abti Umar al-Tawgani indicates this hadith in his book Ma°dshirat alAhlayn, basing it on the
transmittal of 'Umar b. al-Khattab, but this cannot be supported or justified
(Iraqi).
67. Al-Bayhaqi reveals this hadith from the hadith of Ibn Abi cAdiyah
al-Sadafi as genuine (sahih) and
based on Said b. Yasar as the ultimate source (9ragi).
68. Ibn Habban relates it in his Du°afd'
(book of weak transmittals) as related by Bahaz b. Hakim, who quoted his
father, who quoted his grandfather; weak transmittals (Iraqi).
69. Ibn Majah
relates the hadith from Ali and says miscarried fetus rather than child' ;
weak transmittal (Iraqi).
70. Muslim
relates the hadith from Abu Hurayrah (Iraqi).
71. Ibn Habban first related this hadith in the Ducafd' from the transmittals of Bahaz b. Hakim, who related it
from his father, who related it from his grandfather: It is not genuine.
However, al-Nisa'i related it from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah in a good (jayyid) transmittal. He states that it
was said to them to enter paradise; they would say, 'Not until our parents
enter,' then it would be said, `Enter paradise, you and your parents' (Iraqi).
72. The
hadith in its entirety does not have a reliable source (Iraqi).
73. Al-Bazzar
and al-Tabarani related the hadith from Zuhayr b. Abi cAlqamah; and by Muslim
from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah (Iraqi).
74. Al-Bukhari relates the hadith from Anas without mentioning even
two; Ahmad related this addition from the hadith of Mu'adh which is agreed
upon (muttafaq °alayhi) (Iraqi).
75. The word is wilddn (sing.
wa/iid), that is, newborn children,
young infants' ; a child who dies in early infancy, or who is prematurely born,
is in paradise (Lane, Arabic-English
Lexicon, 2966).
76. Lane
quotes this whole hadith from Nuzhat al-Mutaammil
(Arabian Society, 197-98).
77. In the
Azhariyah edition, it is al-taghbiyah which
would be translated as divine concealment.
78. The Sufis
are referred to as those who are knowledgeable in the esoteric, hidden or inner
meanings (Jabre, Le Lexique de Ghazali,
39).
79. The line
before Quran 8:73, which lends
meaning to the quotation, is: And those who disbelieve are protectors one of
another-If ye do not so....
80. The term literally means the members, or limbs, of a man, with
which things are gained or earned, or with which one works (Lane, ArabicEnglish Lexicon, 405).
81. Al-Ghazali uses murid, which is a Sufi term for a novice or
disciple of a murshid or teacher of a
Sufi order who is on the Path to attain the knowledge of the One (al-Qushayri, Risdlah, 731, 746-50; see also Palacios,
La Espiritualidad de Algazel, 4:90).
82. The
concept of the heart and its purification is a main tenet of the Sufis in
attaining their goal (al-Qushayri, Risdlah,
566).
83.
al-Suhrawardi, 'Awdrif al-Ma drif 84).
84. Possibly cIragi Qatadah (d. 117/735), one of the companions of the
Prophet and a transmitter of hadith (Goldziher, Muslim Studies, 2:23; see also a reference to him as a transmitter
in Ibn Kathii s Tafsir al-Qur on, 491).
85. Watt refers to this verse (Quran 2:286) as charges ... to its capacity; that is, requires
of no one more than he is able to perform (Companion
to the Qur'an, 45).
86. See note 28, this chapter, for
identity of cAkramah.
87. This is possibly Abti al-Hajjaj Mujahid b. Jabr, of Mecca, who
lived from 21/642 to 104/722 and was a disciple of Ibn Abbas and an authority
for reading and commentary on the Koran (Ibn al-Nadim, Fihrut, 1061).
88.
Darkness: sometimes said to mean an eclipse of the moon, as interpreted by
Watt (Companion to the Quran, 333).
89. Muslim relates the hadith from Ibn Umar, which is confirmed by the
hadith of Abi Said. However, Muslim was unable to affirm its utterance (Iraqi).
90. Al-Bayhaqi related it in the Invocations
(al-Du'awdl) from the hadith of Umm Salamah in a transmission which
contained weaknesses (Iraqi).
91. Hadith;
as set forth in the Invocations (Iraqi).
92.
Literally, the text states that he became stationary between His hands (Wehr,
Dictionary, 1091-92).
93. Ahmad
related it from the hadith of Abi Kabshah al-cAmmari-its chain of authority is
reliable (jayyid) (dlragi).
94. This is
also related by Ibn Hanbal, Musnad, 3:348,
395.
95. This is
the hadith of jabir. It was related by Muslim and al-Tirmidhi -it is of fair
authority (Iraqi).
96. Al-mughayyibdl (absentee) was translated
because of the context, rather than al-maghabdt
(outcome, consequence), in the Azhariyah edition.
97.
Al-Tirmidhi related it from the hadith of Jabir; it is authentic (gharib) (Iraqi).
98. From the
hadith of Ibn Abbas. It was stated by the Prophet and related by al-Bukhari
('Iraqi).
99. A son born of a concubine automatically becomes a slave as was the
custom in the pre-Islamic period. On the other hand, a distinction was made
also between the sons of a foreign woman and those of a freeborn tribeswoman
(W. R. Smith, Kinship and Marriage, 89).
100. See 2 Peter 3:8: But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one
thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years
as one day.
101. The Arabic term 'dlim (literally,
a learned man; a scholar knowledgeable in Islamic beliefs) is not used as
frequently as the plural form 'ulamd' (ulema).
102. Hadith. It was so stated to Hasan b. 'Ali. This utterance was
said to Jafar b. Abi Talib and agreed upon by the hadith of al-Barra'. However,
Hasan also resembled the Prophet ... which is agreed upon in the hadith of
Jahifah; al-Tirmidhi corrected it. Ibn Habban relates it from the hadith of
Anas who said, No one resembles the Prophet more than Hasan (Iraqi).
103. Ahmad
related it from the hadith of al-Migdad b. Macadyakrab in a chain of authority
which is considered reliable (Iraqi).
104. Mughirah Ibn Shu'bah, a companion and martyr, died ca. 48 or
51/668-671. He holds in tradition a record for marriages and divorces which
varies: 300, 700, 1,000. Among the public offices he held was the governorship
of Ktifa. His slave, Abu Lu'lu'ah, assassinated Aliph Umar (Encyclopaedia of Islam, new ed., s.v.
al-Mughira b. Shu'ba').
105. Ibn
Habban related it from the hadith of Abi Dharr in a lengthy tradition from the
scriptures of Abraham ('Iraqi).
106. The
Azhariyah rendition of tdmifan (desirous)
was used, and not zd`inan (journeying)
which appears in the Halabi edition.
107. This is
in reference to the verse, Take thou provisions from the present world, i.e.,
make thou provision in it, for the world to come (Lane, Arabic-English Lexicon, 1267).
108. Same
transmittal and narration as in note 105, this chapter.
109. In a Sufi context, irddah connotes
a willful determination to undertake the rigors of the Path, that is, to have
the desire to seek nothing but what God desires (Arberry, Sufism, 77).
110. A similar tradition with a different connotation and spelling (fatrah) given by Lane states, Verily
there is an eagerness [shirrah] for
this Kur-an: then men have a weariness [fatrah]
of it (Arabic-English Lexicon, 1525;
see also jabre, who refers to it as a natural disposition that exists in the
heart to know God [Le Lexique de Ghazali, 222-23]).
111. Ahmad and al-Tabarani related it from the hadith of Abdallah b.
Umar; and al-Tirmidhi related something similar from the hadith of Abu
Hurayrah. The tradition is genuine (sahih)
(Iraqi).
112. This is related by Ibn'Adiyy, Ibn Abbas, al-cAgili, Ibn Habban,
and al-Azadi; all weak transmittals (Iraqi). Harisah is a dish of cooked meat and bulgur (al Jahiz, Le Livre des avares de &hiz, 310).
113.
Al-Nisa'i and al-Hakim related it from the hadith of Anas in a good
transmittal. However, al-cAgili weakened it (Iraqi).
114. Literally, dhikr means
mentioning Allah, enjoined upon Muslims in the Koran; or in a Sufi context,
the glorifying of
Allah with certain fixed phrases, repeated in a ritual order,
either aloud or in the mind, with peculiar breathings and physical movements (Encyclopaedia of Islam, new ed., s.v.
dhikr; see also al-Qushayri, Risdlah, 464-71).
115.
Al-Tirmidhi related it and improved it; it was also related by Ibn Mijah; there
is a break in the chain of authority (Iraqi).
116. The terms he uses here are dhikr
(remembrances) and shukr (thanksgiving),
both mystic terms (al-Qushayri, Risdlah, 383-89;
see also note 114).
117. Possible reference to his wives as a unit. His devil is not as
was defined earlier-i.e., when a woman approaches, she approaches in the form
of a devil-but is used here in a metaphorical sense. In this instance, she
abetted his fulfillment of Muslim obligations, hence equating the two devilMuslims.
118. Al-Khatib related it in the history [of Baghdad] from the hadith
of Ibn 'Umar. This was also related by Muslim from the hadith of Ibn Masud
(Iraqi).
119. There are three suras (Quran 22:53, Quran
75:2, and Quran 89:27-30)
that deal with the physical, moral, and spiritual levels of self. Al-Ghazali
comments on the first two. See also Jabre, Le
Lexique de Ghazali, 263-65.
120. AN connotes wives
here since all the verbs in the sentence are in the feminine plural and,
therefore, do not have the general meaning of family, relative, etc.
121. AI-Tabarani and al-Bayhaqi related it from the hadith of Ibn
Abbas; it was preceded by the words sixty years. It is agreed upon by the
hadith of Ibn Umar (°Iraqi).
122.
Al-Ghazali fails here to give the other two counts.
123. In
Islamic law, saddgah is a legally
prescribed alms tax (Wehr, Dictionary, 509).
124. Agreed upon from the hadith of Ibn Masud and others in which fi
[literally, mouth] is included (Iraqi). The Azhariyah edition gives yarfa1uha ila f i imra atihi, while the
translated text excludes fr. Another interpretation could be to offer it to
the mouth of his wife.
125. This refers to The Substitutes, or Lieutenants, that is, certain
righteous persons, of whom the world is never destitute; when one dies, God
substituting another in his place. According to some, the assertion refers to
seventy men, while according to others, to seven (Lane, Arabic-English Lexicon, 168).
126. Abu
Yadla relates it from the hadith of Abi Said al-Khudari in a weak transmittal
(Iraqi). The two women he refers to are not identified.
127. Ibn
Majah relates it from the hadith of dUmran b. Husayn. The transmittal is weak
(Iraqi).
128. Ahmad relates it from the hadith of CA'ishah. However, he stated bil-huzn [in sadness, grief] while Layth
b. Abi Salim does not agree (Iraqi). As was expressed in the beginning of the
fifth advantage, through tolerance and exercise of just protection of the
family and children, a man can gain salvation, or atone for his sins.
129. Al-Tabarani relates it in al-Awsat
and Abu Nudaym [al-Isfahani] in Hulyat
[al-Awliyd'J and al-Khatib in al-Talkhis
which resembles the hadith of Abu Hurayrah. The transmittal is weak (dal f (dIragi).
130. Al-Khara'iti relates it in Makdrim
al-AkhMq in a weak transmission but differs from the relater, Ibn Abbas.
This hadith is also related by Abi Da'ud and al-Tirmidhi who have worthy
transmitters, but there is still controversy over its transmittal (Iraqi).
131. See gharib in the Glossary.
132. The text
uses jawdrih to imply extraneous or
physical acts. See note 80, this chapter.
133. That is,
because he has sufficiently subdued his passions.
134. This contradicts his statement in the Conclusions (this chapter),
wherein he states it as a condition and not as an absolute: . . . to earn gain
in an improper way is unlawful. Seeking gain takes place continually and in it
lies his [ultimate] ruin and the ruin of his family.
135. The
scales are those on which the deeds will be weighed on the day of judgment (see
Quran 4:59, Quran 5:9 [Ali]).
136. Iraqi
stated that he could not find a basis for the origin of this hadith.
137. The author of the Firdaws mentioned
it from the hadith of Abi Sa'id. However, the son of Abti ManIyr could not find
it in his Musnad (dlragi).
138. Yafa (redeem) instead of baqa (remain) was translated from the
Azhariyah edition.
139. Abu Da'tid and al-Nisa'i related it by stating whom he
abandons, rather than for whom he provides. Muslim had still a third version
(Iraqi).
140. The author of
the statement apparently is referring to the emptying of the heart, a station
on the path of union with God which is an arduous process. Hence the novice can
barely take care of himself much less be occupied with and care for another
being. See also note 143, this chapter.
141. See note
40, this chapter.
142. Watt translated it (Quran
2:228) as: Women have such honourable rights as obligations.
Literally, he states that women 'have rights similar to their duties
according to what is honourable (or reputable) or customary.' This is sometimes
said to mean that both parties should keep the way open for reconciliation (Companion to the Quran, 41).
143. That is, he is afraid even to raise a chicken lest he leave it on
the road and become a butcher. Al-Suhrawardi restates this and the need for a
Sufi to be preoccupied with his own needs ('Awdrif
al-Ma°drif 78).
144. Meaning
a master over his place of abode.
145. Al-Bukhari related it from the hadith of Anas who also related
they are eleven (Iraqi). One tradition states that the Prophet had nine
wives, among whom were A'isha, daughter of Abu Bakr; Hafla, daughter of Umar;
Umm Habiba, daughter of Abu Sufyan; Umm Salama, daughter of Abu Umayya b.
al-Mughira; Sauda, daughter of Zamca b. Qays; Zaynab, daughter of Huyay b.
Akhtab (see al-Bukhari, Sahih, 7:4,
and cAbd al-Bagi, Lulu, 1:74). Another
tradition states that he married thirteen women, among whom is Khadija
(daughter of Khuwaylid) who was his first wife (Guillaume, Life of Muhammad, 792). Ibn al Jawzi refers to fourteen wives (Talbis Iblis, 330).
146. Al-Bukhari related it from the hadith of Anas which also contains
the statement that the Prophet received revelations while he was in the bed of
tA'ishah and not the others (Iraqi).
147. Ibn
Abbas has a similar allegory: L'eau, c'est la science; et les. ruisseaux, les
coeurs (Massignon, Les Origins du
lexique technique, 139-40).
Chapter 2. AS
CONCERNS -MARRIAGE: CONDITIONS OF THE WOMAN AND STIPULATIONS OF THE MARRIAGE
CONTRACT
1. The text
has sultan, but the term actually implies ultimate authority holder.
2. This hadith is from Ibn Umar who states: Does not engage his
brother's fiancee until the engaged man leaves her, or permission is taken for
him (Iraqi). See also al-Shafidi, Risdlah,
307.
3. He is referred to as Umar II, who ruled from A.D. 717 to 720. He
was renowned for his piety and asceticism and was considered the only pious
member of the Umayyad Aliphate (Hitti, History
of the Arabs, 219-22).
4. The term al-zubadu
bil-nirsiydn is used here to describe an ideal combination; it is
misspelled in the Halabi edition, where tirsiydn
(shield, disk of the sun) is given.
5. Name of
the tenth month of the Muslim year.
6. The Prophet contracted the marriage to cA'ishah when she was seven
and lived with her in Medina when she was nine or ten. She was the only virgin
that he married. Her father, Abu Bakr, married her to him (Guillaume, Life of Muhammad, 792).
7. Muslim
related it from the hadith of 'A'ishah (Iraqi).
8. This list is
al-Ghazali's compilation of divergent views. However, for an elaboration of
these views and practices observed by the four juridical rites-Hanafi, Hanbali,
Shafici, Maliki-as well as Sunni versus Shici concepts, see Hughes, who
expounds upon nine prohibitions (Dictionary
of Islam, 31418), and Fyzee (Muhammadan
Law, 92-96, 106-8).
9.
Muhammad decreed that Muslims cannot marry a Magian except under certain
circumstances. Magians were a religious sect in Persia that was reformed by
Zoroaster in the sixth century before Christ (Hughes, Dictionary of Islam, 310).
10. The term kildbiyah refers
to a female of the AN al-Kitab (or
those who possess an inspired Book, i.e., Jews, Christians, or Sabeans)
(Hughes, Dictionary of Islam, 280).
According to the Shiites, the term can also extend to Samaritans, Sabeans, and
Zoroastrians (Fyzee, Muhammadan Law, 94).
11. The
Azhariyah edition states, does not fear fornication.
12. When two unrelated people are nursed by the same woman, they are
considered to be blood brothers or sisters (Hughes, Dictionary of Islam, 314).
13. The
Halabi edition indicates grandmother. However, the Azhariyah word was
translated here meaning granddaughter.
14. For a
further explanation, see al-Shafici, Risdlah,
205-6.
15. 'Iddat bayntinah is final
divorce whereby the woman cannot remarry the husband, contrary to ciddat al-rafah, whereby she can (Lane, Arabic-English Lexicon, 285-86, 1040).
16. The concept of hall (literally,
untying or resolving) is that after a man divorces his wife, she has to
become the wife of another man, the muhallil,
before he can remarry her; muhallil literally
means one who unties or resolves the problem, making her lawful to remarry
her husband (Lane, Arabic-English
Lexicon, 619-20).
17. Li`'an is the oath of
condemnation; it can also be, in Islamic law, a sworn allegation of adultery
committed by either husband or wife (Wehr, Dictionary,
870).
18.
Al-Ghazali uses the term thayyiban
saghirah for deflowered young woman.
19.
Literally, the term farjihd means to
safeguard her sexual organ. See chapter 1, note 21.
20. This hadith was related by Abu Da'rid and al-Nisa'i, which was
related from the hadith of Ibn Abbas. Al-Nisa'i stated that this hadith was not
agreed upon, while Ahmad stated it was of weak authority (munkar). Also al Jawzi mentioned it in Al-Mawducdt (Iraqi).
21. Agreed upon; from the hadith of Abti Hurayrah (Iraqi). Taribat yaddh is a form of imprecation
meaning, May thine arm, or thy hands, cleave to the dust, or earth, by reason
of poverty (Lane, Arabic-English
Lexicon, 300).
22.
Al-Tabarani related this hadith in ad
Awsat from the hadith of Anas. Another version of this hadith was related
by Ibn Habban in al-Dtfafa' (a
collection of weak transmittals) (Iraqi).
23. Ibn Majah
related it from the hadith of Abdallah b. 'Umar in a weak transmittal (Iraqi).
24. See
chapter 1, note 27.
25.
Al-Tirmidhi related and refined this transmittal from the hadith of Jabir
stating that God said, I detest and shall keep away on the Day of Resurrection
the prattler, the braggart, and the long-winded. This transmittal was also
related and refined by al-Tirmidhi and Abd Da'tid from the hadith of cAbdallah
b. Umar (Iraqi).
26. Sd'ih, the term used here, denotes an
itinerant dervish as well.
27. In Islamic law, a compensation (khutah)
must be paid by the wife when a divorce is sought by her (Hughes, Dictionary of Islam, 274). This law is
laid down in Quran 2:229: And if
ye fear that they may not be able to keep the limits of Allah, in that case it
is no sin for either of them if the woman ransom herself.
28. Nashaz is the noun
derived from the same root as ndshiz. In
Islamic law, nushuz means violation
of marital duties on the part of either husband or wife, specifically,
recalcitrance of the woman toward her husband, and brutal treatment of the wife
by the husband (Wehr, Dictionary, 966).
29. Sharica
is the Muslim law derived from the Koran, the hadith, and the processes of
jurisprudence (Ibn al-Nadim, Fihrist, 923).
30. Ibn Majah related this hadith in a weak transmittal from the
hadith of b. Maslamah. It was also related by al-Tirmidhi and al-Nisa'i with
slight variations.
31. The Ansar, or Medinans, were followers of Muhammad and early
converts who granted him refuge after the Hegira (Hughes, Dictionary of Islam, 16).
32. Muslim
related it from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah (Iraqi).
33. Abu Bakr Sulayman a1-A'mash, a traditionist, died in Rufa in
148/765. He received traditions from al-Zuhri and Malik b. Anas. He was also a
great admirer of Ali (Encyclopaedia of
Islam, new ed., s.v. al-A'mash).
34. The words to Bilal were left out of this text, but they do occur
in previous editions. Bilal, an Abyssinian Negro who was freed by the Prophet,
became the first muezzin in Islam. Muhammad honored and distinguished him as
the first fruits of Abyssinia (Hughes, Dictionary
of Islam, 42).
35. Malik b. Dinar al-Simi, who died at the age of ninety in 131/748
at Basra, is mentioned as a reliable traditionist, transmitting from such
authorities as Malik b. Anas and Ibn Sirin. He was the son of a Persian slave
from Sujistan (or Kabul) who became a disciple of Hasan of Basra (a mystic)
(Hujwiri, Kashf al-Mahjdb, 89; Ibn
al-Nadim, Fihrist, 1037).
36. A houri is a white-skinned, black-eyed woman who is referred to as
a virgin of paradise, or a nymph of the Islamic paradise. Al-hawar and the Arabic word for houri (sing. ,hur; pl. hdriyah) are derived from the same root. See Quran 55:56-78 for a complete description of
the women of paradise.
37. Al-Nisa'i related this hadith from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah in a
genuine transmittal. Ahmad and Abu DA'fd related this hadith from Ibn Abbas in
a genuine transmittal (Iraqi).
38. Related by Ibn Habban from the hadith of Ibn Abbas. This was also
related by cA'ishah and by Abu Umar al-Tawgani in the book Ma'dshirat al-Ahlayn who enhanced it (Iraqi).
39. It was
related by the transmitters of the sunna and extending to 'Umar; al-Tirmidhi
enhanced it (cIragi).
40. Dirham
may be used for money or for a silver coin (Ibn alNadim, Fihrist, 910).
41. Related by Abu Da'ud al-Tayalsi and al-Bazzar from the hadith of
Anas; by al-Tabarani in al-Awsat from
the hadith of Abi Sac
id; and by Ahmad from the hadith of Ali; and by al-Hakim who made its
transmittal reliable (clragi).
42. dIliyy comes from the term cilliyan and is translated here to mean
a stone, sometimes placed upon two other stones, upon which is put to dry the
preparation of curd; also used for other purposes (Lane, Arabic-English Lexicon, 2146). It is difficult to ascertain any
other referent here. The word was deleted from the Azhariyah edition..
43. Mudd, a dry measure. It is a
quarter of a sac; the sd' being five pints and one third; such was the mudd of the Prophet (Lane, Arabic-English Lexicon, 2697).
44.
Al-Bukhari related this hadith from the hadith of cA'ishah (Iraqi).
45. Related by al-Arbacah from the hadith of Anas and also by Muslim
(Iraqi). Sawiq is a kind of mush made
of wheat or barley. It can also be made with sugar and dates (Lane, Arabic-English Lexicon, 1472).
46. Related
by al-Arbacah from the hadith of Umar. Al-Tirmidhi stated that it was genuine
and of fair authority (hasan sahih) (Iraqi).
47. This is
from the hadith of Anas stating that cAbd al-Rahman b. cAwf got married for
five dirhams. It was related by al-Bayhaqi (Iraqi).
48. Compare
what al-Ghazali states here with his statement on page 158 in Counsel for Kings.
49. Ahmad and
al-Bayhaqi related it from the hadith of cA'ishah. Its chain of authority is
reliable (Iraqi).
50. This is
related by Abu Umar al-Tawqani from the hadith of cA'ishah and by Ahmad and
al-Bayhaqi. Its transmission is reliable (Iraqi).
51. Sufyan al-Thawri, or Abu cAbd Allah Sufyan Ibn Said alThawri, was
claimed by the Sufis as a saint. He was an ascetic who founded a school of
jurisprudence which survived for about two centuries. However, he opposed the
authorities and was compelled to go into hiding in Mecca. He was born in Kufa
in 97/715 and died at Basra in 161/778 (Farid al-Din Attar, Muslim Saints and Mystics, 129).
52. This is related by al-Bukhari in the book al-A dab al-Mufrad and by al-Bayhaqi from the hadith of Abu
Hurayrah in a reliable chain of authority (cIragi).
53. Abu Da'dd
and al-Nisa'i related it from the hadith of Mucqal b. Yasar. Its chain of
authority is genuine (Iraqi).
54. This
transmittal is agreed upon from the hadith of Jabir (cIragi).
55. The
Azhariyah edition uses the comparative form aakad
(surest) while the Halabi edition uses akad
(to assure, convince).
56. This was related in a tradition as follows: Avoid ye the
beautiful woman that is of 'bad origin'; she is thus likened to the herbage
that grows in the diman (dung), that
appears to be in a flourishing condition, but is unwholesome as food, and of
stinking origin (Lane, Arabic-English
Lexicon, 916).
57.
Al-Daraqutni related this hadith in al-Afrdd
and stated that alWaqidi repeated it but made it weak (cIragi).
58. Al-cirqu nazz&un means
the radical, or ancestral, or hereditary, quality is wont to return to its
usual possessor; or it may mean, is wont to draw (Lane, Arabic-English Lexicon, 916).
59. Ibn
al-Salah stated that he could find no basis for this hadith (Iraqi).
60. Related by Abu 'Umar al-Tawgani in Macdsharat al-Ahlayn. This is supported by the hadith of cA'ishah
and Asma', daughters of Abu Bakr. The transmittal is genuine (Iraqi).
61. Grandson
of the Prophet, Ali's son.
Chapter 3. ETIQUETTE OF COHABITATION, WHAT SHOULD TAKE PLACE DURING
THE MARRIAGE, AND THE OBLIGATIONS OF HUSBAND AND WIFE
1. This is
from the hadith of Anas-agreed upon (Iraqi).
2. Muhammad consummated his marriage with Safiyyah b. Huyayy, who was
a captive and was married without a dowry, on his return from Khaibar (Stern, Marriage in Early Islam, 86).
3. This was
related from the hadith of Anas by the four transmitters of hadith (Iraqi). See
chapter 2, note 45, for description of sawiq.
4. This
hadith is attributed to al-Tirmidhi who related it from the hadith of Ibn
Mascad, and who made the transmission weak.
5. Gharib means authentic, but resting
on the authority of only one companion (Guillaume, Traditions of Islam, 181).
6. Hadith of
AbU Hurayrah as related by Abu Da'ud and al-Tirmidhi; Ibn Majah perfected and
introduced it in the Invocations (Iraqi).
7. It was related and enhanced by al-Tirmidhi, and by Ibn Majah from
the hadith of Muhammad b. Hatib (Iraqi). The term saws (voice) is used to imply singing.
8. This was
related by al-Tirmidhi from the hadith of cA'ishah; however, al-Bayhaqi
enhanced it and made it weak (Iraqi).
9. Hadith of
al-Rubayyic, daughter of Mucawwidh, as was related by al-Bukhari with a slight
change (Iraqi).
10. Ali
interprets it to mean anything that has no civil rights. It includes captives
or slaves, people in your power (Holy
Quran, 191, n.553).
11. Book 15
of al-Ghazali's Ihyd' deals with
prayer.
12. Al-Nisa'i brought it forth in al-Kubrd,
and Ibn Majah from the hadith of Umm Salamah. The Prophet never ceased to
stress prayers and what your right hand (possesses). In reference to the care
of women, he stressed this in the last pilgrimage which was related by Muslim
from the hadith of Jabir al-Tawil (Iraqi).
13. This
refers to a recompense, or reward, from God to a man, for righteous conduct
(Lane, Arabic-English Lexicon, 24).
14. cIragi
could not find any basis for this hadith. However, see Quran 28:9 in support of this statement.
15. This is
related from the hadith of 'Umar as stated in the hadith of al-Tawil-agreed
upon (cIragi).
16. The
earlier hadith did not contain 0 foolish woman, and he is better than you
(Iraqi).
17. Haf;ah
was the daughter of Aliph 'Umar and the second wife of the Prophet (Guillaume,
Life of Muhammad, 792).
18. See
Quran 66:1-3. Abu Bakr was
cA'ishah's father.
19. No basis
can be found for this transmittal (cIragi).
20. Al-Tirani
transmitted it in al-Awsat as did
al-Khatib in al-Tarikh. Both
transmittals are weak and come from the hadith of cA'ishah (cIragi).
21. Abu Yada brought it forth in his Musnad and Abu al-Shaykh in Kitab
al-Amthdl from the hadith of cA'ishah, which was also transmitted by Ibn
Ishaq (Iraqi).
22. Related
from the hadith of cA'ishah-agreed upon (Iraqi).
23. This was first related by the two shaykhs from the hadith of Umar and Ibn al cAs; then Ibn al Jawzi
shaped it and related it in al-Mawducdt from
the hadith of Anas; ... however, his love for Khadija is well known and
documented in the hadith ('Iraqi).
24. From the
hadith of cA'ishah-agreed upon without exception. It was related with the
addition by al-Zubayr b. Bakkar-and al-Khatib (Iraqi).
25.
Al-Bukhari related it from the hadith of cA'shah (cIra-qi).
26. Hadith Anas. However, Muslim related, I have never seen anyone
kinder than the Prophet with women, but Ali b. cAbd al cAziz and al-Baghawi
added and children (Iraqi).
27. Abu
Da'tid and al-Nisa'i related it in al-Kubrd,
and Ibn Majah from the hadith of cA'ishah-the transmittal is genuine
('Iraqi).
28. Al-Hasan b. Sufyan related it in his Musnad from the hadith of Anas without his saying with his wives;
it was also related by al-Bazzar and alTabarani in al-Saghir and al-Awsat by
stating with his children, which was supported by Ibn Lahicah ('Iraqi).
29. 'Ashird' is the name of
the voluntary fast day. It is held the tenth day of Muharram on the anniversary
of Husayn's martyrdom at Kerbela (60 A.H.). It is a day of mourning sacred to
the Shicites (Wehr, Dictionary, 614).
30. The hadith is agreed upon with few exceptions; a holy day rather
than the day of cAshurd' was
mentioned; while al-Nisa'i stated in his Kubrd
that cA'ishah said, Don't rush, rather than, Be quiet; and that the
Prophet said, 0 she-ass! The chain of authority is genuine (cIragi).
31. It is a
trustworthy transmittal (thiqah) which
is related by the two shaykhs: al-Tirmidhi
and al-Nisa'i (Iraqi).
32. Al-Tirmidhi brought it forth and authenticated it from the hadith
of Abu Hurayrah without saying, and I am the best among you toward my wives;
and from the hadith of cA'ishah, people was replaced by wives (clragi).
Note, however, that wife is one of many meanings of the word ahl (Wehr, Dictionary, 33).
33. Ahl is translated here to mean family.
34. Found a
man, that is, act like a man or be firm.
35. Abu Bakr b. Lal related it in Makdrim
al-Akhldq from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah in a weak transmittal. It is also
stated in the two Sahihs from the
hadith of Jariyah b. Wahab al-Khazad and Abu Da'tid (cIrags).
36. Agreed
upon from the hadith of Zahir (clragi).
37. Muni ah also means
abstinence from things unlawful, or in chastity of manners, and the having
some art or trade (Lane, Arabic-English
Lexicon, 2702).
38. No basis
was found for this statement. However, al-Bukhari related it from the hadith of
Abu Hurayrah as, Miserable is he who is a servant of the dinar and the dirham
(cIragi).
39. Compare
Quran 14:34.
40. A fir is the space between the end of
the thumb and the end of the index finger when extended (Wehr, Dictionary, 694).
41. A cubit
in Iraq and Syria is 0.68m, in Egypt it is 0.58m (Wehr, Dictionary, 309).
42. The
Nabataeans were a tribal group who lived in Arabia as early as the seventh
century B.c. During the Muslim period, the Arabs called those inhabitants of
Syria and Iraq who were neither shepherds nor soldiers, Nabataeans-a term
used in a contemptuous tone to the Aramaic-speaking peasants (Encyclopaedia of Islam, new ed., s.v.
Nabataeans).
43. For
further details, see Quran
12:28-31.
44. Al-Tabarani related it from the hadith of Abi Imamah in a weak
transmittal; and Ahmad from the hadith of Umar and b. al-'As.
However, al-Nisa'i related in his Kubrd that
the Prophet stated: If among all the crows, there is a white-footed crow with
a red beak, then no woman shall enter Paradise except one like this crow. This
transmittal is genuine (Iraqi).
45. Abu Mans ur al-Daylami related it in the Musnad al-Firdaws from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah in a weak
transmittal. However.... a slight transmittal ... states the three poverties,
one of which is: 'If you come to her, she will hurt you, and if you are away
from her, she will be unfaithful to you.' This was related by al-Tabarani from
the hadith of Fadalah b. cUbayd as of fair authority (clragi).
46. From the hadith of 'A'ishah-agreed upon (Iraqi). It is interesting
to note here that all the good transmittals concerning women were transmitted
by women, especially by cA'ishah.
47. See
Quran 66:3.
48. The translation given by Watt is, If you two [Hafsah and
cA'ishah] repent to God; that is, If you repent, good and well (Companion to the Qur'dn, 271).
49. This is
agreed upon from the hadith of 'Umar, and the two women are cA'ishah and Hafsah
('Iraqi).
50.
AI-Bakhari related it from the hadith of Abi Bakrah (Iraqi).
51. This is related by al-Tabarani in al-Awsat from the hadith of Jabir. Muslim states that the Prophet
forbade the man to enter upon his wife at night for he betrays them or seeks
their faults. However, al-Bukhari does not mention the prohibition of entering
at night (Iraqi).
52. Ahmad
related it from the hadith of Ibn 'Umar. The transmittal is reliable (clragi).
53. Agreed upon from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah (Iraqi). See alBukhari,
Sahih, 7:33-34. Ibn Hanbal quotes Abu
Hurayrah differently: Women were created from a rib which was not straightened
at creation; if you straighten it ... (Musnad,
2:497).
54. Abu
Da'tid, al-Nisa'i, and Ibn Habban related it from the hadith of Jabir b. cAtik
(cIragi).
55. From the
hadith of Abu Hurayrah; al-Bukhari deleted and the believer is jealous. This
is agreed upon (cIragi).
56. Possibly refers to Sacd, who was in love with Asma'. He was the
subject of poetry and perhaps was himself a poet. There is a book entitled Sacd and Asmd' whose traditions are
transmitted among the Names of the Passionate Lovers during the Pre-Islamic
Period, and the Period of Islam (Ibn al-Nadim, Fihrist, 710, 1086).
57. From the
hadith of al-Mughirah b. Shacbah-agreed upon ('Iraqi).
58. From the hadith of Jabir who deleted The night I was taken
through Paradise and maid-agreed upon; he mentioned maid in another
transmittal from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah-also agreed upon (clragi).
59. Abu DY'ud,
al-Nisa'i, and Ibn Habban related it from the hadith of Jabir b. cAtik, but it
was also related in four other hadiths (Iraqi).
60. The first part of the statement was related first, while the
second part was related by Abu 'Umar
al-Tawgani in the book, Mu'asharat
al-Ahlayn, from the narrative of Abdullah b. Muhammad; and it appears that
Abdullah b. al-Hanafiyah is the transmitter (Iraqi).
61. Al-Bazzar
and al-Daraqutni related it in al-Afrdd from
the hadith of Ali. The transmittal is weak (Iraqi).
62. This is
agreed upon from the hadith of Ibn Umar, who stated, The women were permitted
to go to the mosques at night (Iraqi).
63. From the
hadith of cA'ishah-agreed upon. However, al-Bukhari related instead, he would
have prevented them from the mosques (Iraqi).
64. Hadith of
Ibn Umar which is agreed upon (Iraqi).
65. From the
hadith of Umm cAtayyah-agreed upon (Iraqi).
66.
Literally, that it is safe to sit or remain at home.
67. Watt
translates keep not thy hand chained as meaning do not be niggardly (Companion to the Qur'dn, 135).
68. From the
hadith of 'A'ishah-brought forth and made genuine (sahhah) by al-Tirmidhi (Iraqi).
69. Muslim related it from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah (Iraqi). AlTirmidhi
states it differently in a genuine hadith: The dinar which earns you the
greatest reward is the one spent on your wife, your riding animal (ddbbah) and your companions in the way
of God (Sunan, 6:193).
70. Precepts
as spelled out in codes based on the Shari'a.
71. Book 2 of
the lhyd' deals further with
menstruation and prayer.
72. Reference is to the time element, because more than one rah`ah is usually involved; hence she
could not fully perform these rakahs within
the prescribed period. For further details see Book 2 of the Ihya:
73.
Presumably this is a reference to a Sufi ritual. See chapter 1, note 114.
74. From the hadith of cA'ishah-agreed upon (Iraqi). A preferable
translation, found in Lane, is that he ordered, or commanded, them to cast, or
draw lots, or to practice sortilege [among themselves] (Arabic-English Lexicon, 2987).
75. This was related by the authors of the Sunan and Ibn Habban, from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah [with slight
variations] by Abu Da'ud, Ibn Habban, and al-Tirmidhi stating, He does not
deal equitably between them (Iraqi).
76. Habban
and the authors of the Sunan related
it from the hadith of cA'ishah (Iraqi).
77. From the
hadith of Umar and b. al-cAg-agreed upon-who related that when the Prophet was
asked, Whom do you love the most among your women? he replied, CA'ishah
(Iraqi).
78. This
hadith was related by Ibn Sa'd in al-Tabaqdt,
and by al-Bukhari from the hadith of cA'ishah, and in the Sahihayn [of Bukhari and Muslim]
(Iraqi). rAbd al-Bagi stated that the Prophet remained with cA'ishah until his
death (Lu'lu' 3:185).
79. Abu D5'6
d related it from the hadith of CA'ishah; also related by al-Tabarani,
al-Bukhari, and al-Bayhaqi with slight variations (Iraqi).
80. This was
related from the hadith of cA'ishah (Iraqi).
81. This is from the hadith of Anas. Ibn CAdi related it in al-Kdmil. This was related by al-Bukhari
who also stated that the Prophet had nine wives (clragi). See chapter 1, note
145.
82. See
chapter 2, note 28.
83. Abu D5'ud and al-Nisa'i related it in al-Kubrd and Ibn Majah from a narration of Mu'awiyah Ibn Haydah-the
transmittal is good and reliable (Iraqi).
84. Ibn al Jawzi related it in al-Wafd'
without any support. This was also mentioned in the Sahihayn [of Bukhari and Muslim] from the hadith of 'Umar as well
as in a story from the hadith of Jabir (Iraqi).
85. Reference
is made to the utterance of the formula, Id
ildha illa Allah (There is no God but Allah).
86. From the
hadith of Ibn Abbas-agreed upon (Iraqi).
87. This latter phrase, and made thereof relatives and in-laws, for
thy Lord is omnipotent, did not occur in the Azhariyah edition (Iraqi). The
Koran's version (25:54) is: And He it is Who hath created man from water, and
hath appointed for him kindred by blood and kindred by marriage; for thy Lord
is ever Powerful.
88. Qiblah is the direction
to which Muslims turn in praying (toward the Kaaba) or a prayer niche which is
a recess in a mosque indicating the direction of the Kaaba (Wehr, Dictionary, 740).
89. Al-Khatib
related it from the hadith of Umm Salamah in a weak transmittal (lragi).
90. Ibn Majah
first related it from the hadith of cAtabah b. cAbd in a weak transmittal
(Iraqi).
91. Abu
Man~rir al-Daylami related it in the Musnad
al-Firdaws from the hadith of Anas-it is of weak authority (Iraqi).
92. Abu
Mangur al-Daylami related it from a much shortened hadith, and this is some of
the hadith with which he agrees (Iraqi).
93. This
hadith was forwarded in the fifth chapter of the book of prayer (Iraqi).
94. Arabic has one term, inzdl, which
is here translated as orgasm, climax, ejaculation, or emission, since
it would be difficult to use one English term for the referent.
95. See the
complete reference in Quran
2:222.
96. Everything that can happen to man, everything that he can do,
falls into five categories in Islam: lard,
sunna, mubdh, makruh, and ardm. Fard
is that which is commanded, that which is unavoidable in order to' find
favour in the eyes of God, as giving of alms. Sunna is doing good, meritorious acts in the sight of God. But it
is not a sin to omit such acts.... Mubdh are
the deeds which are indifferent to both God and man. Their number is not large
and they bring neither reward nor punishment. Makruh is the evil, but not the forbidden. One can commit it
without fear of God's punishment. But the pious will omit it. Hardm ... is sin, express violations of
God's commands. Whoever commits hardm may
be sure of God's punishment (Essad, Mohammed,
35556).
97. See
al-Tirmidhi, Sunan, 1:159-62.
98. Junub, translated here
as major ritual impurity, signifies a man under the obligation of performing a
total ablution, by reason of sexual intercourse and discharge of the semen
(Lane, Arabic-English Lexicon, 466).
99. From the
hadith of Ibn Umar as the one who posed the question -agreed upon (Iraqi).
100. From the
hadith of 'A'ishah, as related by Abu Da'ud, al-Tirmidhi, and Ibn Majah
(Iraqi).
101. From the
hadith of Abi Sacid-agreed upon (Iraqi). See also al=Tirmidhi, Sunan, 4:103.
102. cIragi
found no basis for the following hadith. However, al-Ghazali's deductions are
correct as he summarized existing views on coitus interruptus. See al-Tirmidhi,
Sunan, 4:102-5.
103. No basis
was found for this hadith (Iraqi).
104. In the
Azhariyah edition, literally muhyihi, or
keeping him alive, was translated rather than muhibbihi (his attachment, affection) of the Halabi edition.
105. Reference is made here to an evidence or a proof made manifest by
a text of the Koran or of the sunna used as an authority in an argument for
proof of an assertion.
106. Wad refers to a
daughter buried alive. It was customary for a man in the time of paganism,
when a daughter was born to him, to bury her alive when her mother brought her
forth, from fear of reproach and want: but this is forbidden in the Koran,
XVII, XXXIII; and some of them used to bury their children alive in times of
famine; the tribe of Kindeh used to bury their daughters alive (Lane, Arabic-English Lexicon, 2913; see also
W. R. Smith, Kinship and Marriage, 153-55,
291-96).
107. The views of al-Ghazali on the matter of coitus interruptus
appear to be ambivalent, tending toward a contradiction of the view expounded
in chapter 1 on the advantages of marriage.
108. The Khawarij (sing. Kharijite), or seceders, constitute the
earliest religiopolitical sect in Islam. Once supporters of Ali, they became
his deadly opponents (Hitti, History of
the Arabs, 246-47).
109. This
hadith was previously introduced at the beginning of the chapter on marriage (al-nihdh) (Iraqi). See chapter 1, note
11.
110. Muslim
related it from the hadith of Jadhdhamah, daughter of Wahab (Iraqi).
I 11. There are numerous transmittals regarding the disclosed averting
of conception by coitus interruptus: Muslim from the hadith of Abi Said,
al-Nisa'i from the hadith of Abi Sarma, the two shaykhs from the hadith of Jabir, and al-Nisa'i from the hadith of
Abu Hurayrah (Iraqi).
112. Although this resembles that of burying a child alive, and is
done with the same motive, the words also refer to coitus interruptus (Lane, ArabicEnglish Lexicon, 2913).
113. Watt
elucidates this point by saying, a new creature (Companion to the Qur'an, 158).
114. See
al-Bukhari, Sahih, 7:42-43.
115. From the hadith of Jabir-which is agreed upon-in the Sahihayn [of Bukhari and Muslim].
However, the clause but he did not enjoin us against it is unique to Muslim
(Iraqi).
116. Hadith
ofJabir. AI-Mulnaf mentioned that it was in the Sahihayn [of Bukhari and Muslim], which is not true; only Muslim
related it (Iraqi).
117.
Al-Tabarani first related it in al-Kabir and
al-Khara'iti in Maharim al-AkhMq from
the hadith of Ibn Masud. The transmittal is weak (Iraqi).
118. Hadith
of Ibn Abbas. It was related by Ibn Majah and al-Hakim. The transmittal is
genuine (Iraqi).
119. Hadith
of Anas; al-Khara'iti related it in Makarim
Akhldq in a weak transmittal ('Iraqi).
120. Hadith
of Anas, which was related by al-Khara'iti in a weak transmittal (Iraqi).
121. Ibid.
122. Hadith
Abu Hurayrah as related by al-Khara'iti and al-Hakim, but it did not say or
sisters. The transmittal is genuine (Iraqi).
123. Adhdhana (noun ddhdn) is to call to prayer. It is
customary in Islam that a newborn baby should first hear the call to prayer,
which always begins with allahu ahbar (God
is the Greatest).
124. Hadith
Abi Rafi'. Ahmad, Abu Da'ud, and al-Tirmidhi related it and made it genuine.
However, the transmittal of Ibn al-Qattan is weak (Iraqi).
125. Related by Abu Ya'la al-Mawsili, Ibn al-Sinn in al-Yawn wa-Layla and al-Bayhaqi in al-Sha'b al-Imdn from the hadith of
al-Husayn b. 'Ali in a weak transmittal (Iraqi).
126. Al-Tabarani related it in al-Saghir
from the hadith of f abir in a weak transmittal (Iraqi). Circumcision among
the Jews, a practice dating from the time of Abraham, generally takes place on
the eighth day (Genesis 14:10-12). In Islam, circumcision is founded upon the
customs of the Prophet, as it is not once alluded to in the Koran. Circumcision
is recommended to be performed upon a boy between the ages of seven and
twelve, but it is lawful to circumcise a child seven days after his birth
(Hughes, Dictionary of Islam, 57).
Lane stated that circumcision on the seventh day is not approved, and that it
is generally performed at the age of five or six (Arabian Society, 192).
127. Al-Tabarani related this transmittal from the hadith of 'Abd alMalik
b. Abi Zuhayr, who in turn related it from his father, Mu'adh. Its transmittal
is genuine; al-Bayhaqi related it from the hadith of 'A'ishah (Iraqi). The word
'abd refers to one of God's
qualities; the literal meaning is servant of.
128. From the
hadith ofJabir which is agreed upon when beginning with the verb lurammd [is named] rather than sammd [name, command] (Iraqi).
129. Ahmad and Ibn Habban related it from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah;
also related by Abu Da'ud and al-Tirmidhi; and by Ibn Habban from the hadith of
Jabir: Whoever gives my first name, should not give my surname; and whoever
gives my surname, should not give my first name. The transmittal is genuine
('Iraqi).
130. Abu Umar al-Tawgani related it in Mu°asharat al-Ahlayn from the hadith of Ibn Umar in a weak
transmittal; and Abu D5'tid related that Umar pointed out a child named Abu
'Isa; and Mughirah b. Sha'bah disapproved of using the name Abu 'Isa and stated
that the Messenger of God said, Name after me-its transmittal is genuine
(Iraqi).
131. Abu Da'ud related it from the hadith of Abi al-Darda'. Al-Nawawi
said that its transmittal is reliable, and al-Bayhaqi said that its transmittal
was incomplete (mursal) (Iraqi).
132. Al-Bayhaqi
related it from the hadith of Abdullah b. al-Harith b. Jiz' al-Zubaydi.
The transmittal is genuine
(Iraqi). (See also 'Abd al-Bagi, Lu'lu',
2:60.)
133. From the
hadith of Abu Hurayrah, which is agreed upon (Iraqi). 134. Muslim related it
from the hadith of Samrah b. Jandab. This was also related from the hadith
ofJabir (Iraqi).
135. Ibn Hanbal regards this sacrifice on the seventh day as
absolutely obligatory: If a father sacrifice not for his son, and he [the son]
die, that son will not intercede for him on the day of judgment (Lane, Arabian Society, 191). However, the
founders of the other three principal rites regard it in different and less
important lights. It is obvious here that al-Ghazali is resorting to the
practices at the time of the Prophet. These practices not only include the
animal sacrifice on the seventh day, but circumcision and shaving the hair of
the child and giving its weight in silver or gold to the poor as well. According
to Lane, these religious ceremonies can be performed not only on the seventh
day, but on multiples of seven-fourteenth, twenty-first, twenty-eighth, or
thirty-fifth-after the birth of the child as well (Ibid. See also al-Bukhari, $ahih, 7:108-10; and al-Tirmidhi, Sunan, 5:237-40).
136. This
appears in the Azhariyah edition and completes the thought.
137. Hadith
of SA'ishah, which was brought forth and made genuine (lragi).
138. Al-Tirmidhi related it from the hadith of Ali, stating that its
transmittal is not uninterrupted, while al-Hakim made it uninterrupted (muttasil). Abu D5'ud related it from
the hadith of Ibn Abbas, except that he said a ram [rather than a sheep]
(Iraqi).
139.
Al-Bukhari related it from the hadith of Salman b. CAmir al-Dabbi (Iraqi).
(See al-Bukhari, Sahih, 7:109.)
140. Al-Hakim [al-Tirmidhi] related and clarified it from the hadith
of Ali; al-Tirmidhi's transmittal is cut off, up to the word Hasan, while its transmittal is not
uninterrupted (Iraqi). Al-Tirmidhi stated that Hasan's hair weighed a dirham or
so (Sunan, 5:234).
141. Hadith
Asma', which is agreed upon (Iraqi). (See also cAbd alBagi, Lu'lu; 2:62.)
142. cAbd al-Bagi notes that the hadith ends here, excluding the rest
of the phrase. He also explains Islam as meaning Medina (Lu'lu', 2:82). (See also al-Bukhari, Sahih, 7:108.)
143. Hadith Ibn
Umar. It was related by the companions of the Sunan. AI-Tirmidhi stated that it was genuine and of fair authority
(Iraqi).
144. This occurs in exceptional cases as explained by Ali: If there
is any fear that in safeguarding her economic rights, her very freedom of
person may suffer, the husband refusing the dissolution of marriage, and
perhaps treating her with cruelty, then ... it is permissible to give some
material consideration to the husband, but the need and equity of this should
be submitted to the judgment of impartial judges, i.e., properly con$tituted
courts. A divorce of this kind is called Out
(Holy Quran 91, n.258; cf. W. R. Smith, Kinship
and Marriage, 122).
145. This tradition with the additional words, and Paradise will be
forbidden unto her, was related by Abu Da'ud and al-Tirmidhi, who made it
better; and by Ibn Majah and Ibn Habban from the hadith of Thawban (Iraqi).
146. Al-Nisa'i related it from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah, and al-Tabarani
related it from the hadith of cAqba b. cAmir in a weak transmittal (°Iraqi).
147. There are two concepts here: having had coitus with her automatically
nullifies the 'iddah; and the
lengthening of the diddah stems from
the necessity to make sure that she has not conceived (see Divorce in the
Introduction).
148. From the
hadith of Ibn 'Umar, which is agreed upon (Iraqi). (See also cAbd al-Bagi, Lulu, 2:125.)
149. He died
in 43/663 and was one of the people who helped to transcribe the official
canon of the Koran (Ibn al-Nadim, Fihnst,
48, 377).
150. Past the
time of childbearing from the Prophet.
151. A khutbah may encompass
exhortation or admonition, recited by a khalib
(orator) from the pulpit during the noon service of the congregational
mosque on Friday, and generally delivered in rhyming prose (Lane, ArabicEnglish Lexicon, 763).
152. Muslim related it from the hadith of Abu Said, reiterating the
words of the Prophet: The greatest betrayal in the opinion of God on the Day
of Judgment is for the man to reveal [everything] to the woman and vice versa,
then reveal her secret (Iraqi).
153. AI-Tirmidhi first related it, but the transmittal is authentic of
fair authority (hasangharib); Ibn
Majah related it from the hadith of Umm Salamah (Iraqi).
154. Al-Tabarani first related it in al-Awsat from the hadith of Anas, excluding by virtue........... The transmittal is weak
(Iraqi).
155. Ibn
Habban related it from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah (Iraqi).
156. This hadith was first related by Ibn Majah and al-Hakim, who made
it genuine from the hadith of Abi Aniamah, excluding nursers. This is related
by al-Tabarani in al-Saghir (Iraqi).
157. From the
hadith of Ibn Abbas, which is agreed upon (Iraqi).
158. Ahmad related it from the hadith of Abu Amamah in a weak transmittal,
stating silk instead of saffron; and Muslim from the hadith of'Izzat
al-Ashja'iya-its transmittal is also weak (Iraqi). Al-ahmardn means flesh-meat and wine, which are said to destroy
men; it also refers to gold and saffron, which are said to destroy women, that
is, the love of ornaments and perfumes, also called al-asjardn [two yellow things] (Lane, Arabic-English Lexicon, 642).
159. Hadith
CA'ishah; al-Hakim [al-Tirmidhi] first related it and made genuine its
transmittal from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah (Iraqi).
160. Hadith
CA'ishah; al-Hakim [al-Tirmidhi] first related it and made genuine its
transmittal from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah (Iraqi).
161. Hadith Ibn Abbas. Al-Bayhaqi first related it in a shortened version,
and related it in toto from the
hadith of Ibn Umar, but it is weak (Iraqi).
162. Al-Tirmidhi and Ibn Habban related it from the hadith of Abu
Hurayrah. Also related by Abu DA 'dd from the hadith of Qays b. Sacd, by Ibn
Majah from the hadith of CA'ishah, and by Ibn Habban from the hadith of Ibn Abi
Awfa (Iraqi).
163. Ibn Habban related only the first part of the hadith of Ibn
Masud; the latter part was related (abridged) by Abu Da'nd from his own hadith
without mentioning inner sanctum of the house. Al-Bayhaqi related it from the
hadith of cA'ishah: It is better to pray in the house than in the mosque-its
transmittal is of fair authority; and by Ibn Habban from the hadith of Umm
Hamid (°Iraqi).
164. It is
related by al-Tirmidhi as genuine, and by Ibn Habban from the hadith of Ibn
Masud (Iraqi).
165. This was related by al-Hafiz Abu Bakr Muhammad b. Umar alJiCabi
in the Tdrikh al-Tdlibin from the
hadith of Ali in a weak transmittal; and by al-Tabarani in al-Saghir from the hadith of Ibn Abbas (Iraqi).
166. See
chapter 1, note 51.
167. Rabi'ah al sAdawiyah, orphaned at an early age, was sold into
slavery as a child. She later settled in Basra where she was well known as a
saint and a preacher and where she was highly esteemed by her pious contemporaries.
To her is attributed the theme of divine love in Islamic mysticism. She was a
celibate; is often confused with Rabicah of Syria who was married. She is
entombed near Jerusalem. Her death date is given variously as 135/752 and
185/801 (cf. Farid al-Din CAttar, Muslim
Saints and Mystics, 39-51, and M. Smith, Rdbifa the Mystic, 5-6, 45, 140-43).
168. Abu Da'wd al-Tayalsi and al-Bayhaqi related it from the hadith
of Ibn Umar; it was also related by Abu Da'ud from the hadith of Satd; and by
Muslim from the hadith of cA'ishah; al-Daraqutni made it genuine in his al-°Ilal All had slight variations in
their transmittals (Iraqi).
169. That is,
cater to his senses.
170. The word
presence is missing in this text but appears in the Azhariyah edition.
171. So as
not to attract attention. She should not satisfy her own vanity, but be humble
and meek.
172. Related
by Abu D5'ud from the hadith of Abi Malik al-Ashjaci in a weak transmittal
(Iraqi).
173.
Al-Khara'iti related it in Makdrim
al-Akhldq from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah in a weak transmittal (Iraqi).
174. This is possibly cAbd al-Malik b. Qurayb al-A1maci, who was the
famous philologist and grammarian at the court of Harun al Rashid. He studied
the language of the Arabs of the desert, which is considered to be a pure
model for linguistics. He died in Basra in 213/828 (Ibn al-Nadim, Fihrist, 963).
175. Hadith
Mu'adh which was related by al-Tirmidhi, who said it was authentic and of fair
authority; it was related by Ibn Majah (dlragi).
176. Hadith
Umm Habibah, agreed upon (Iraqi).
177. Asma' was the daughter of Kutayla, Abu Bakr's first wife. She was
the elder half-sister of cA'ishah and one of the early converts to Islam in
Mecca. She was married to al-Zubayr b. al-cAwwam, and their son, cAbdullah, was
reputedly the first child born in the Muslim community at Medina. She died in
Mecca in 73/693 (Encyclopaedia of Islam, new
ed., s.v. Asma-').
178. Zubayr b. al-cAwwam, cousin and companion of the Prophet, was
killed at the Battle of the Camel in 36/656. He was a member of the council to
choose the third Aliph. He was also referred to as al-Hawdri, a term that refers to the earliest missionaries of
Islam. There were twelve Hawaris, who
are said to have been appointed naqibs of
the Medinans by Muhammad (or by those present) as surety for their people
just as the apostles were sureties for clsa b. Maryam (Ibn al-Nadim, Fihritt, 292-93, 1133).
179. A
parasang is a Persian measure of length, anciently of about thirty stadia (2.8
to 4.2 miles).
180. Hadith
of Asma', agreed upon (lragi).
181. The
Azhariyah edition indicates that she came upon the Prophet.
APPENDIX
Glossary of Selected Arabic
Terms
This glossary encompasses
only terms used herein that have acquired a technical usage. It mirrors
existing standardized defi\nitions as well as adjustments introduced in this
work. The terms regarding hadith are used as employed by Guillaume, The Traditions of Islam. Other major helpful sources have been Farah, Islam Beliefs and Observances; Schacht, An
Introduction to Islamic Law; Ibn al-Nadim, The Fihrist of al-Nadim; Lane, Arabic-English
Lexicon; and Jabre, Essai sur le
lexique de Ghazali.
cabd Servant
of God or slave; used in proper names in combina
tion with Allah
Ahal-Kitab People of the Book; in the
Koran (5:68-69) the name is used for Christians, Jews, and Sabeans
akhbdr (sing. khabar) News, reports; the term is applied to traditions traced back, not to
the Prophet, but to other authorities such as his companions, well-known
jurists, and imams alim See ulema
canal Fornication
or committing a sin
caqd Marriage
contract; formalization of the marriage vows
aqiqah Sacrifice; a sheep or goat
slaughtered as a sacrifice on the seventh day after the birth of a child
acqra' To cast or draw lots, or practice
sortilege among women
cAshura' Name of a voluntary fast day, the tenth day of Muharram
casr Period,'
of sunset, time of one of the ritual prayers
athar (sing. athar) Traces; applied to traditions relating the deeds and utterances of
Muhammad and his companions
bags' Subsistence in God; an
ultimate Sufi state
batin Internal, hidden or inner
meaning; esoteric
da'if Not fulfilling the required
conditions for transmittal
dhikr Remembrance or recollection
of God; an exercise by Sufis to induce ecstasy
fana Annihilation, or passing
away of oneself in God; the mystical union of the soul with God
faqih Islamic jurist or
jurisprudent
faragh Emptying or purifying the heart; a Sufi tenet
fard Canonically
imposed duty or obligation of faith
fiqh The corpus of Islamic
jurisprudence
fatrah Natural disposition of the
heart to know God
gharib Authentic, but resting on
the authority of only one companion
ghusl Major or full ablution
ceremony involving the entire body;see also wudu'
hadith Traditions of the Prophet; collection of sayings
and precedents of the Prophet, handed down by his associates and followers
hajj A canonically prescribed
pilgrimage to Mecca hardm Canonically forbidden; a sin
hasan Of fair authority, with a
slight fault; approved form of transmittal
hasan gharib Authentic, of fair authority
hasan sahih Genuine, of fair authority
hayd Menstruation; important in
connection with determining the time of conception and responsibility for
fatherhood, as well as significant for ritual purification
hikmah Exercise of judicial
authority, a rule, a decree; an edict or a prescript
hirdthah Tilth; intercourse for the
purpose of having offspring
hulul Ecstasy; union with God
through mystical practices
ibddl Substitution (when certain
righteous people die, God substitutes others for them)
ciddah Legally prescribed waiting
period of a woman before remarriage
ciddat baynunah Legally prescribed waiting
period for final divorce; woman cannot remarry her husband
ciddat al-ray'ah Legally prescribed waiting
period pending remarriage with one's divorced wife
idtibdc Cloaking oneself over the
left shoulder during the pilgrimage to Mecca
iymdc Consensus; interpretation of
the law according to the
opinions of the leading jurists
Cilal Defects, causes
imam Used here for leading religious personalities;
it also has a number of other significations
igamah Call to prayer repeated at
the beginning of the prayer ritual
irddah Desire; the aspiration to do
only God's will; in a Sufi context, a willful determination to undertake the
rigors of the Path
cishd' Evening meal and time of the
fourth ritual prayer
icndd Literally means leaning
upon; the chain of authority.
which precedes and introduces the text of hadith
izdr Seamless white cloth wrapped
around loins to knee level by the pilgrim performing the hajj
jams Uttering a threefold divorce
jayyid Good, reliable form of
transmittal
jihad
Striving on behalf of the faith; Holy War of the Muslims against the infidels
junub Major ritual impurity;
signifies a man under obligation of performing a total ablution, by reason of
sexual intercourse and discharge of the semen
Kaaba The shrine at Mecca sacred
to the Muslims kardhiyah Abomination or reprehensible
kasaba To earn; Quranic usage
connotes the performance of an act for which one merits reward or punishment on
the Day of judgment
khabar See akhbdr
khutt Divorce requested by the
wife, who must pay a compensation (khul'ah)
khutbah An exhortation or admonition
recited, generally in rhyming prose, during the noon service of the mosque on
Friday by an orator (khatib)
kitdbiyah See Ahl al-Kitab
litdn Oath of condemnation; in
Islamic Law, can also be a sworn allegation of adultery committed by either
husband or wife
ma'dd Return journey; the ultimate
state of existence in theworld to come
madhhab (plur. madhdhib) Juridical rite to which a Sunni Muslim may adhere
maghrib Sunset; time of one of the
ritual prayers
mahr A
dowry or a nuptial gift given to the bride in a contract of marriage
makruh A reprehensible or an evil
act, but not a forbidden one manzil (plur. mandzil) Stages; a Sufi tenet
maqdmdt (sing. maqdm) The stations of the faith; a Sufi tenet ma'rifah Knowledge, learning; the
knowledge of Allah, the experience of ecstasy, and the gnosis of the mystics
martabah A Sufi rank or station
ma'ruf Weak tradition, yet known
because it is confirmed by another
mawudah: al-maw'udat
al-sughrah Coitus
interruptus; significance similar to that of burying a girl child alive
Mi'raj Muhammad's nocturnal journey
to the Seventh Heaven
mubdh Permissible; a deed neither
recommended nor prohibited
mubham Obscure; a tradition derived from a person about whom nothing is known
save his name
mufti The legal authority in
Islam who gives expert decisions by which the courts are guided
muhallil A man who marries a divorced (three pronouncements of formula) woman on
condition that he divorce her after consummation of the marriage so she may
lawfully remarry her former husband
mukhtalicdh Women who incite, urge, or induce their husbands to divorce them for a
gift or a compensation (khullah) without any injurious
conduct from the latter
mukhtalif A tradition which apparently
contradicts another, but which can be reconciled to it
munkar A tradition of weak authority contradicted by a weaker one
mungati' An isndd from
which a name has disappeared
murid A novice, a disciple of a murshid (teacher of a Sufi order)
mursal A text without isnad, or one with an incomplete
isndd muru ah Manliness; a pre-Islamic
Arab concept which comprises all knightly virtues and the ideal of manhood
musnad Authorities by whom a hadith
is passed down
mut`a The contracting of temporary
marriage; legalized by the Shii law
muttafaq calayhi A tradition that is agreed
upon and received by Bukhari and Muslim
muttasil A tradition with an uninterrupted
isnad
nafaqah In Islamic Law, it signifies
adequate support for a wife or expenditure
nafs Self, soul, ego
naqib A surety for the people,
leader
nasikh Abrogating; refers to the
chain of authority and is used by Muslim theologians in reference to a verse or
sentence of the Koran which cancels or abrogates a previous one qiblah The south, or the direction to be faced in prayer rak'ah Bow, prostration; a bending of the torso from an upright
position, followed by two prostrations with each
standing for a full prayer cycle
ramal Trotting while performing
the circuit around the Kaaba
Razzdq Provider; one of the
ninety-nine attributes of God
sadagah Voluntary, nonstatutory alms
rendered for the sake of acquiring merit with God; in Islamic Law, legally
prescribed alms tax (sadaq)
sahhah Transmittal made genuine
sahih Genuine; fulfilling all
conditions
Sharia The Muslim law derived from the Koran, the hadith,
and the processes of jurisprudence
shirk Polytheism; associating
other deities or partners with Allah
shukr Thankfulness; it is one of
the stations of the mystic sigt Miscarried fetus
sunna (plur. sunan) The theory and practice of
conventional Muslims, based on the Koran and the hadith
ta'biyah
ilahiyah Divine
fulfillment
tahlil Exaltation (of God)
takbir To glorify, praise, to exclaim allahu akhbdr
talaq Divorce; three I divorce
thee utterances either at sepa
rate intervals or at one time for finalization
tawbah Repentance; the first
station on the Sufi path
thayyib A woman who is deflowered or
married; a divorcee or
a widow
thiqah A trustworthy transmittal
tuhr The
days of a woman's state of purity from the menstrual discharge
ulema (sing. alim) Scholars who
are knowledgeable in Islamic beliefs and dogmas
cumrah Lesser
pilgrimage to Mecca
ustad (sing. ad) Ascendants,
fundamentals; also meaning roots, origins, principles
cutul One who has
a harsh tongue and who is cruel toward his family
wahy Revelation
waliy Legal guardian; also refers to the
believer as friend of God
witr A form of
prayer, in which an odd number of prostrations is performed, after the night
prayer
wudu' Limited
ablution for or preparatory to prayer; see also ghusl
zindiq Freethinker; in the ninth and tenth
centuries, the term was applied as a rule to the partisans of Zoroastrians and
Manichaeans who were feared as rebels
zuhd Asceticism; a way of life which
included renunciation of worldly things, fasting, prayer, studying the Koran,
and similar religious observances and practices
zuhr Noon; time for the third daily prayer incumbent upon Muslims
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